And so I didnt want to read roussaeu for class, so I thought about it and I asked myself why? And it turns out that I dont like to read books for class because I think they are a waste of time, so maybe they are a waste of time or I just dont like to admit the possibility that they may actually help in my development.
So why do I not want to accept that possibility? It seems like if I am trying to hold up an identity so I create this prejudice about things, because I am focused on showing the opposite of what people think, to open their minds, instead of having an open mind, I try to enforce the opposite, which kind of works the same but prejudice against prejudice is still prejudice.
This gave me a memory of highschool by the way I guess the identity that I was trying to hold to prove people wrong to make them open their minds to the possibilities of life started here. Then I had the other prejudice against white people being raised stupidly and it reminded me of this one gringa with a friend from highschool that got all freaked out cuz a drop of my sweat landed on her, and she was freaking out because of that, I felt rejected, I didnt know what to do to help she just told me that the way I help is to go away, and so I didnt learn anything and it stunned me how a person could react like that to something so harmless as my sweat. And so I developed a prejudice thus a fear of being rejected for stupid reasons by white people. Before this incident I believe I had an open mind (not that I had an open mind since I was born but), since I decided to move on from my obsession with a girl I was obsessed with throughout Junior High I did my best to look at the possibilities in life, everything that I could have done, everything that I could make my life to be, and that all the beliefs I held were always wrong because God is so great and Reality is so Infinite, and so I contemplated the wonders, and I fell in love and I guess (I mean now I used to tapping to arrive to this state of clarity but I guess) what I did before to open my mind is just to feel free at what my life was, to realize that I was alive like I have been trying to do but havent convinced myself for some reason. And I guess I just contemplated and there I was. Anyways so tapping is good, I mean I thought it would be bad because it gets rid of negative emotions, but those emotions are there for a reason, because there is something you need to fix, but tapping does not make you ignore the problem but gives you solutions. Where you once thought that there was only one way to solve the problem, where you once thought that life was restricted with rules and compartmented with bondaries, tapping gets rid of that single minded thinking and (without ignoring that there is indeed a problem) lets you see that there is more than the initial idea to work as a solution. So its good, but then it makes me wonder if you tap enough it would not make you feel bad about the problem anymore so that you just accept the way things are because your life is fine just the way it is and there is no need to change, not depression, but acceptance... I wonder.
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