What if/Tendencies+Laws+People

File Location: My Words/Completion (What we know)/What If/What if.Tendencies

On the subject of manifesting events and their realization in the external world:

Some times things happen that you dont manifest, sometimes your body does things automayically (like digest food) sometimes you move against your will.  The things that you are conscious about manifesting come from your mind, as for the things that happen without your control, even within your own body, must be manifestation from another mind; so things that fall, gravity, would be a manifestation of the Great Mind which is Reality; or more likely would be the case that Reality has put a lower mind in charge of what seem to be the laws of nature, and the Great Mind has Higher manifestations that we cant comprehend.

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File Location: My Words/Completion (What we know)/What If/What if.Laws

What if the way that everything works is the denying of our existence the so called external world.  This is another possibility a reason why you shouldnt believe what we think to be true.  What if everything is within the manifestation of your mind, everything, absolutely everything, there aare obviously parts in your mind that you have not discovered, and probably do not want to discover.  But your mind is and it is the world you live in, and it manifests what you see.  What if things work by your own mind, and you guide your mind with the things you set around you.  You are the world and the world is you.

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File Location: My Words/Completion (What we know)/What If/What if.People

What if there are people that live in oppression among us.  They love pain and they hate pleasure, but they express their happiness with anger and sadness, and they express their conflict with smiles and gifts.  They live among us, and they look happy and they are, but they hate it, deep inside, but no one knows, they live with us in our society because they are trapped, because of majority rule, or maybe they have decided to live alone, by themselves, with their kind.

How would their world be like?  People who incline towards living in pain, and hatred.  How would a society filled with these people look like?  I get a picture in my head, there would be violence and horror everywhere you look. Right?

Then you think of human beings, arent we naturally inclined to look for the good? If their world looks like hell, why doesnt our world look like heaven?

If there were such people, their world would look just like ours, to come to think of it, it is probably true. I mean look at us.

July 8, 2009

So I talk to God, and tell him that I am worried about all these things that may happen if I dont take care of earthly stuff like making money and getting my license.  I mean I have better things to do like straighten out my beliefs and pray pray pray, and talk to God and take notes on what I hear, but there are these things bugging me what if something different happens and I just dont go to college again?  So God asks me “so you are afraid of change? Is that it?”, and no, no Im not suppose to be afraid of change, change is beautiful, change is my life in the hands of God, change is what I want. Like that song from Relient K, “I think we are unto something, we are on to something good here, out of mind out of state trying to keep my head on straight... there is only one thing left to do, drop all I have and go with you! Somewhere back there I left my worries all behind, my problems fell out of the back my mind, we are going in a never knowing, never knowing where we are going, to go back to where I was would justbe wrong, Im pressing on.” :D  So no I am not afraid of change and if I am then I disgrace it and I set myself against it.  But this is an opportuity that I would letting go, I would be able to do alot of productive things.  So God says, “dont you trust that I may have other plans for you?” adn I say yes and please carry them on, I mean I dont even care to get my college degree and to get my license or to make money, I just want to do your will.  But its just that everyone around me thinks it is important and they question with idiot and faithless ideas of how am I gonna live and how will I think to help anybody, and sometimes, even though I think they are idiots, sometimes I sympathize.  And sometimes I am left convinced by the not so idiot ones, and I just wonder if I am wrong so it makes me afraid again.  What kind of work of tHE DEVIL IS THIS?!?! Send me an angel for once, Lord, if you may.

around June 12, 2009

As I sit to think, I am attacked for me to make a decision,

What is it that I want to be?

And I dont have an answer. So all there is, is the frustration of this undecisiveness.

And as I am bound to hold an identity, while I dont know what to choose, I am my frustration, my identity is my confusion.

I just really want to find my true self without help and without influence of anything else, my life seems blank and colorless, but I dont want to listen to any music because I dont want to contaminate my personal creative essence.

(Around this time I recorded something on my MP3.. this is what I said: )

Here is my problem, with these people, I have a way of doing things.. if I sense that a certain person is going to reject me, I just back away,  even if they think they like me because I pretend to be someone else around them.. if you really knew who I was, you wouldnt be treating me like this, so please stop treating me nice, because it makes me think of how ignoratn youare.. there is my way, then there is a gay way... crafty as a snake, they make people fond of them, for some reason they care to be accepted... and so they trick them...  but those who accept have not really learned anything, they havent really opeened their mind, they are still closed... this is why, this is my problem... they think they are acccepting the outcasts, but they are only accepting those who have kissed ass, for them to understand them... everybody else... they are still as closed as ever.

And so this is why I like to do what I do, what I prefer, I want to make people feel uncomfortable, I want to makee them feel ashamed, that they are afraid, cowards, prejudice, ashamed that they are not taking a chance, that they have no faith, that trhye are not speaking up for themselves, or standing up for themselves. HWO the fuck reports me, for something like what I did, only white people would mind that... its such a big deal to report it, “they seemed concerned about you” concerned they were only concerned about themselves... I want to make them feel prejudice, to give them an incentivve to change.. not to beeat themselves up, but to give them an incentive to open my mind.

May 28, 2009

I think I am starting to get back the spirit I had lost 4 years ago.  Why did I lose it? Was it because of my ex? Why? Its like a curse I had from doing witchcraft (which is how I got my ex to be my girlfriend) is it over now? No this spirit left me because something was left unaccomplished, something that my spirit wasnt able to live with, so it left me; something it felt that it had to solve, but it couldnt, or I gave up on it, so it left me.  Whatever it was, the spirit left, and that says something about the spirit; its not invincible, it cant stand being around things it cannot change, it cannot handle being wrong, it cannot handle the seeming injustices of Life, therefore it is definite... But its still pretty useful.  If I want this spirit back, I must continue where it left off, and I must fix the problem that it couldnt just ignore.  The choice was to give the matter some time, so my spirit left, it became dormant for years, it waited by leaving me, because it couldnt stand being here and not doing anything about the situation.  But now, it has awaken within me, and it wants to fix what “needed” time (huh, I dont believe it anymore).  Strange the emotions, nostalgic, the spirit reminds me of the past I had, who I was, what I believed; I am back.  This spirit that left its mark in my life, I have been following its laws in auto-pilot, but it wasnt me; I practiced what I learned from it, but I only knew the rules by repetition, not by reflection or deep consideration.  Now I am awake, and I will go back and do some deeds!

Spirit: It was something I left out of place something unagreeable with my world.

Explains the heartbreak after I broke up with her

So what is the ultimate problem? What caused the problem that frightened my spirit away? Why would such a situation cause it to leave? What was in the situation? What did it mean for the spirit? My problem is that the people I slutted around with, in the end, turned out to be these people that close-mindedly give up their will to their partner, or, in other words, consumer culture.  But why would I regret doing something like this? Why would I regret going out with someone when my morality says to help out those in need of intimacy?  Am I saying that I will accept those who need intimacy only if they are not from this culture? This cannot be the case, it would make your consideration, your love for humanity conditional.

A1 -So if this is the case, you are still set out to learn this one thing, to accept even those in the consumer culture.

But it IS true that I would offer my help to anybody that needs it, I am making no exception, the problem I have is that I am giving my help to those that DONT need it.  They are not interested in my intimacy.  They may think they need it but they really dont, so this is why I feel guilty.   

-and you would not go out with someone that thinks they want your intimacy?

-well I would, but only to show them that they dont really want it. This is where I failed.

-So what if you did convince them that they did not really love you and that their desire for you was only superficial.

- If I did end up convincing them then I would  have accepted carrying along with it, as long as we knew those terms.

- so your sin was not that you carried along with shallow careless intimacy

*January 1, 2010 (When people are “in love” they feel it, they feel that they are able to cope with everything that the world may bring them.  But their love is conditional, those that “think” they need my intimacy are everyone who considers themselves in need of my intimacy and do not Love Unconditionally; because they can end up hating me for one reason or another, all I have to do is find their fears, that they are not willing to give up for me.  But if its all for me, then they may fear losing me.  So no matter who is interested, I would be able to show them that they are really not.  My ideal partner would be one who,  by themselves looked forward to getting rid of their rejectful nature, for the sake of itself, not for me, but for Life itself, for God.  This would be that they are actually attempting to Love unconditionally, this would mean that they are honestly interesed, in accepting me wholly, it would mean that they actually want my intimacy; one can only Love another, if they Love God.

A2 -my sin was that I did not admit, realize, recognize, I did not acknowledge the fact that what I was carrying out was shallow careless intimacy.   And so I failed to acknowledge and preach the truth about their love, now I am “not allowed” to talk to them, and I feel there is something missing, this is what I missed.

A1 & A2 are in process...

April 20, 2009

I think everybody is to blame for not speaking up against me, they never tried to correct me.

I act out my dissappoinntment and expect nothing from them, as they did nothing in the first case, just stay away freaks of nature, grow some balls, and get some social skills, learn different cultures and learn to accept others for who they are, stop getting so butt hurt for no reason, and if you do get butt hurt then DO something about it.  I will now do nothing because thats how things seem to work around here, right? Just stay quiet, dont confront, just report it, but dont try to fix it yourself.  You have a problem? Just report it and give off mean looks to those who have offended you, even if they are unaware of it, it isnt your job to tell them that you have a problem with their behavior, just report it.

Our choice of Goodness

File Location: My Words/God/Our choice of Goodness

And now I may hold that I dont know the difference between good and bad, that the sensations that my body gives me, are just those, but how do I know which sensations and effects to reject, to not desire.  God made us, sin exists, does God not know sin? God knows sin, sin is a reality, but i sin part of reality? Why then do we reject it, it is only in OUR nature, but thi does not mean that sin is evil.  Everything that is and that there is, is our world.  God offers us what we want, only one domain of the infinite of eternal gifts, we only want one, which is eternal life and goodness.  But I believe God reaches beyond these things, and can offer more than what we know, but it is not what we want.