October 10, 2009

I was reading something about accidents

that made me think of the "accident" I made

with the prophesying girl...

well I was looking through my

recollection of my reasonings and remembered.

I did in fact consider that something like this what I did

may startle her, and that if I did not want to take the risk,

I didnt have to...  other than the explanation I gave you

that I thought her acting kind of coocoo got my hopes

for her accepting that kind of behavior from me...

So I did consider the possibility, hehe.

but I went along with my action,

to put into practice what I had just wrote about..

(the thing I sent you about something maybe being a bad idea)

anyways, so I would put it into practice if it turned out that

she would get startled, Im pretty sure that I was pretty sure in my mind that she would.

so perfect chance...

but once she got startled

(or maybe even before I entered)

I forgot that I had that plan,

and after everything happened the way it did,

I forgot: that I had a purpose,

that I wouldnt let the outcome affect me,

(because I had already considered and accepted the possibilities)

and that I had planned anything out.

and so I have been thinking for a while that it was an accident,

and that I "screwed up"... (wait a sec now this changes everything doesnt it?)

So in other perspective... my thoughts "ditched me"

and it is soo fucking funny!!!

I am really laughing right now.

you know its like when you agree with your friends

to streak at the beach but when the time comes

they stay behind and your the only one doing the deed and getting in trouble.

So I guess thats what happened,

I played a joke on myself...

I must havesome really heavy humor to

make myself go through all of that...

It WAS funny though, wow

::yea my thoughts are here now

and they are laughing at me, some friends they are...

I love my thoughts::

anyways so Ill probably have to plan another thing again,

hopefully they wont ditch me this time.

*January 1, 2010 (this was an email sent to my counselor thrapist... the line “wait a sec, now this changes everything doesnt it?” probably is what made him think that this was all a game to me and I was focused on bullshitting people and annoying them with my complex thinking.  The idea to which he responded with, “you are really fucking smart you know that?!”, lolol, ah, I love my life.)