Ok so with the laughter thing and the close and open, so I think there is somehting wrong witht the laughter because it suppose to be a transition frfom one to another, but it seems that it doesnnt necessarily open your mind, since you can be one way, then as I adjust to my surroundings I become like the others, because I understand them (yes, because I stop understanding who I was before? (here is the problem). And on the other hand it seems that when I am open I am taking things as they come but lack (because I ignore prejudice) possibilities of results, and certainly I should ignore because you never know what the future brings, specially the farther it goes... then it also seems to be that as I develop rules and how things work like this it usually means my mind is closed... bu if this is all that open mindedness is, then what is all this talk about truth at point when you have no prejudice so that you can read minds and tell the future...
It seems that every lesson we learn in tragedy and when people get angry they ignore, they think they know so they ignore, there are times when I know there are other possibilities and that there is maybe no reason to be angry but I just want to let out, and express how I WOULD feel if this were surely true, but as I do that my mind closes towards it. The lesson when you get angry and worried or fear and whatnot, is to be open and ask, and you know? This goes along with never to reject knowledge and by thinking that you know, you are rejecting knowledge.
Then there is the question of can I ever be completely oopen... about bieng concerned about something [without prejudice] in order to get truth about it from nature... and that the truth you get it from your own mind telling you, making it seem as if reality has set those there, but its just you, and this is just a way to pay attention to them, the randomness you do, through these you answer yourself... THE PROBLEM though, being concerned about a specific case without carrying prejudice about it gives you answer. How can you be concerned about a certain specific while still having an open mind? are they different sections? Levels? I still havent figured out how to get these answers...
So here is another idea.. truth tells you everything that you are concerned about, and it tells you everything that you look at, as long as you dont distrust it.
anyways,, so this is my current status.. I will try figuring it out as I observe the movements... I will report of it, if I live. Lol
OKOKOKOKKOK so with all of this what does it make of my horniness, cuz I get horny so I want to eat out a girl and I am concerned about that and it makes me horny, but I dont get any answers because I am focused on it, but if I open up I will get it, but I will not be concerend about it, will I get the sense that it will just come naturally? I mean am I not suppose to be horny what does it mean? How does all this carry out? WHO AM I WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO WANT BE OR WHAT?!?!
I tihnk figuring out what my desires add up to? My ocnvictions vs my vulgarities, the compromise, the result of wanting sex but wanting to save my virginity until marriage, my limits.. so what I am concerned about gaining and what I feel comfortable with it being real.
[[[[[[[[[[[[what I am doing is not anymore trying to fiigure out how things work but trying to achieve the state of mind in which everything makes sense... the analogy of planning for panic,, figuring out how to stay away from panic rather than figuring out infinite amounts of procedures and rules]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
In college you have ann advantage... of giving off the vibe that you may know people because as you start off, nobody really knows anybody so you can just pretend that you may know someone even thouhg this may be the first time you ever saw... (in college? Or anywhere?... stop being closed! Everything is true anywhere to some extent... to any extent!)
So anyways this vibe, how does it work that, you give off the vibe so that people are open with you... you be open with everybody, you feel therefore behave as if you know them, (then how do you get to know them?) as if you are comfortable with them, without any contradicting desires? Is this what the problem always is? The contradicting desires? So according to this.. if I feel at home and like if can trust anybody, and I truly do feel it with no..., then thats how everyone will respond. So what about people that dont like you and talk behind your back that are not willing to complain in your face to let you know that you are doing something wrong? I think this means that there is a communication inhibition.
Ok so this haappened yesterday, I fell asleep next to the printer, this happened today: some girl talked to me about it... why did she feel comfortable saying hi to me?
The ideal response to a negative reaction is a solving reaction.
There are times when people like anybody as long as they dont see something they may reject... this is the good news...
The bad news is those who are paranoid of everyone...
... become inviting. All you have to do is show affection? Have you ever shown affection and be rejected? Yes, because your affection looks illegitimate, they perceive it as fake, but none would ever reject true affection, unless they feel that your affection is unworthy, but what does this mean?
Also this has to do with you portraying your legitimate thoughts, no pretending, no vulgarities, everything legitimate, everything real and from the heart. If this is done then there will be no room for misjudgement... or will there?
What you want gets automatically manifested, the trick is knowing what you really want. So here is the answer, you do what you want, you always do what you want, if you want it not, you wouldnt choose it, but there are so many conflicting desires it is hard to tell what it is that you are choosing, and how it is that you want it, so you look into this that interests you, and you figure it out. (If it applies to you it applies to everyone else). So when you want something and you dont get it, it is because you havent consider it as if it was real, you say you wish it was real, but you really dont know that you wouldnt want it in so many ways, just like the girls that have rape fantasies but complain when they get raped. Everybody has this problem, not just girls.
When someone rejects: well when I reject it is because I think they rejected me. I dont know if anybody else would reject on the basis that I they are better than me or that I may be a negative influence, or they make me look bad, but these are also possibilities, these possibilities I know exist also, and maybe on the basis of, because I have experienced these feeling before even though I may choose to not act according to them as much as I can.
So the basic things that you need to watch out for is that you dont appear as a threat, and that you dont reject any possibility (which may be of them), but have a heart of understanding and curiosity. Yes I am sorry to say this but there are people out there that are closed minded and reject you if you have certain characteristics that may be of threat to them, you know this by experiencing it yourself. So yes, I think the only reason that people reject is because you may appear as a threat,, and it is not always clear to the subject or to themselves, but it can always be explained as a threat... Now if they reject you because you may be a threat to your shoes, then this is ridiculous.. but hey things may still work, i mean you work for these kinds of things why? So maybe you can let them see the problem they have so then they come closer to fix it.
When someone picks their nose to you, it is a good thing, because they are testing you to see if you mind, when you show that you dont mind, then they ‘should’ learn that they can be free around you. So when someone rejects you it is a good thing, because then you can show that you will not back off? Hmm this doesnt sound right... right, you shouldnt back off, but you should not make them feel threatened... (what is the purpose of all this anyways... I think its so that I can get “laid”)
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