November 10, 2009

Ok so there is a couple of things going on that I havent mentioned.

So a while ago, I gave a friend a fruit of my writings, and the way he talks about things and what... not sure how to explain this, ok so there have been “issues” (I dont think they are that bad but everybody else seems to think it is a really big deal.. his mom even came to campus to taake care of him and see whats going on, a intervarsity staff called it a mental break down, Ive heard something that correlates with multiple personality, him and his roommate thinks its demon possesion, in the end I have no right to judge what the situation is).  So when I talk to my friend he tells me things that make me think that he is doing all of this, that all this is happening because he took what I told him to heart...  There are things that I need to make clear to him, direction, and foundation, I gave him the fruit without giving him thee roots, (a metaphor to my writings)...

Anyways so there is that, then yesterday at night, an intervarsity staff scolded me for playing with a girls hair, and I was like WTF?! Sriously what was the big deal.. so we talked and I dont even know... oh yeah so we talked for a long time trying to understand each other and him getting to know me and how I am getting along with whitman culture and stuff. So now I feel understood at least by him,, I dont know if he will keep it though.. and I missed some stuff after we departed so I wrote him these emails.

When I told you to consider you kicking me in the nuts...

You must realize that thinking about this is not a waste of time..

and that its not necessarily bad to think about the "bad" things..

but you must make an effort to keep an open mood/mind so

that you can learn from the observations of the negative "what if's"...

It is important for you to consider you kicking my nuts,..

1) so you thought about how you would feel (idk I think you did)

2) you thought about how it would look to me (this is case that we talked about)

3) and so you must also think about how it would look to others (why I am writing this email)

so that once you have entered the mind of this culprit (as you did in case 1)

you can know how it looks like from the outside (think about case 2 and 3)

so that if it happens to you (case 2) you would expect an explanation

and so if you see it happen to someone else (case 3) that you DO NOT judge the

person doing the kicking but you try to understand their motive and their selfishness

and not scold them for that but instead do what I said...

become the person (case 1), understand what would actually help you develop and

not be judged and what not... anyways I havent finished explaining but I trust you are

smart enough to get the point from all of this...

and this also brings up why you should have your mind open to the possibility

of me being a satanist trying to corrupt the fellowship at whitman...

first of all because even if that is the truth, you still shouldnt judge me...

I mean, what would Jesus do?

I think the point of this, is to come up with a character that would be comprehensive

to all possibilities so that no matter what the truth turns out to be, you have already

worked by those terms...

So like I said, wearing red for people that like red, but

also being considerate for those people that have unreasonable fear of red things.

something else came to mind I think its something about telling an intervarsity staff..

Ive sat here trying to remember it but I think Ill do better if I come back to you on this....

(and none of this is the 4%, well I think the comprehensive character explanation feels like 1-3%)

do you realize that if I wasnt in the right state of mind

I wouldnt have been able to explain to you all of this,

and I would have just gone along looking and probably even

believing that I was the bad guy..

yes, words have that much power to make things true,

even if they werent suppose to be...

There is a true story, that the youth leader from my old church told us

about a lady that whenever the subject of death came up she would say

"I dont care what happens to my body afterwards, you just throw me in

the dump and let the dogs eat me"

when she died, she was burried of course, out of respect,,

but dogs dug up her body and ripped it apart and stuff...

again, words have power,

be more careful with them...

(lol, look who's talking)

no but my intended point was the first...

I think I have ended up as the "bad guy" in enough situations here,

just because I havent had the right state of mind to explain myself...

and this could happen to anybody else here, so be considerate about

"the bad guys"

HIS RESPONSE:::

I will heed your words about being more careful with my words.  I agree that words, regardless of their intentions, can have a powerful affect on reality.  I am sorry for approaching you with an attitude of condescension.  It was really impactful to talk through things with you.  I will try to be more sensitive now to how you are thinking. 

On the point of keeping an open mind, I disagree.  I will not waste my time or thoughts wondering if you are a Satanist.  I pray to God that you are not.  I will take bizarre and unlikely things as they come, but I will not waste my energy wondering about them or anticipating them.  For now I will turn my mind to God and the things before me. 

I love you and I want you to flourish and be free in our community.  We need to have  a clear mutual understanding of what is acceptable and what makes people feel unsafe.  Just as I am responsible for not hurting you by being insensitive to your feeling of being treated like a creep and lack of freedom to express yourself, you are responsible for learning what makes people feel unsafe and not breaching those boundaries as you figure them out.  I understand that this feels restrictive and alienating at times.  But you know I don't mean you can't get out of bed in the morning without offending anyone.  Just be overly careful about how you interact with women--how you touch them and talk with them.  Please express to me that you understand this and are committed to it.  I hope that I don't sound belittling.  I just need to know that we are clear on this.

I love you.  I'm sorry that you have to deal with all of this.  I know it feels alienating.  I will talk to Intervarsity staff today to explain things to them.  Please forgive me for being insensitive and condescending yesterday. 

I will talk to you soon.

Peace,

JIMMY’S RESPONSE:::

nononnononoooooo

thats not the point,

I dont care what happened to me,

My point was to be considerate of those who dont get to explain themselves as I did!!!,

I feel you took a completely different turn

from what happened yesterday.

Remember its not about me

(my value is as good as anybody elses)

I was lucky enough to explain myself so, its not about me,

its about those who cant...

dont feel bad for me,

feel bad for all those people in these kind of situations

that dont get it to tutn out so smoothly.

And again... I am not socially retarded

stop telling to calm down,,

Im already cool, aight?!

I can handle this...

nobody is gonna die, I know I come from an uncivilized culture,

but we dont kill people for fun, everything will be alright...

(teasing...)