How to Hit on a Cougar
At the airport on the way back home there was a young looking kid with alot of gray hair, he was wearing pijama pants with stewie from family guy; an interesting impression... so is he young and ignorant, or seasoned and sophisticated? I also thought about my recent ex for some reason, and her peculiar sexual appeal that seemed detached to me. Kind of like an animal, more like a robot, that is hard wired to do a certain task; is not that she may enjoy the task, but she just does it because its what she does. I am sure that this offensive image is not her at all (I say its offensive because it hard to accept in my own mind), but its the meaning that my mind was able to single out by using the symbols that she provided. I noticed that it was hard to accept for me, and therefore I noticed that it was someting that must be accepted. It is true, though it is hard for me, though it may not havve been what she was really doing, there is a little of this “her” in all of us; one cannot deny the fact that there have been times, or in this culture its what we live on, that we dont enjoy the things we do, but we kind of mindlessly gobble them down hoping that the physical ritual will give us satisfaction, when we do not understand that our conscious mind ends up haviing no record of the act so that it is like we never did it, the result of this is over-eating. Another obseervation that summoned this thought was an old guy drinking his coffee; he seemed pretty awake, pretty energetic; he also had a big belly. And I wondered, does he really need that coffee? He thinks he does, but what if I am right, and sleepiness is only a state of mind; he has more than enough energy than what he needs for the day stored in his body. Why doesnt he use that? What is the purpose of the coffee? It seems like nothing more than a fixation to make him feel like there is something giving him a motivation to live. If only he knew that this need for energy is not satisfied by drinking coffee; it seems he should have figured it out by now with the increasing amount of coffee he has been needing to feel awake, and the strange phenomenon that even though he has plenty of life fuel (i.e. fat), he still manages to feel drowsy at times. I am not saying I am better than him, I am sure I have the same flaws, but I notice them in him; and the only flaw is that I think he is doing wrong.
Anyways so as I was thinking about how there is a little “my ex” in all of us, I was terrified, I saw everyone, I pictured reality with this kind of ignorance, in one way or another. And I see the grown-ups. I dont really identify myself as an adult, I never really felt the need to be “a man”. If anything it was disgraceful to me, and pathetic to yearn after such thing, so I never really try to reason with people who I consider adults, because in the end, it does not matter who is right, the adult gets the last word for the sake of respect. This begins to be a problem as, while am an “adult” now (age-wise), people that are not familiar with me expect me to act in a certain way, and older people expect me to treat them in a certain way. I cant look that them face to face on the same plane, but I look down for them, not out of respect, but of hopelessness, which is what I felt whenever an elder would not listen to my reason, in my childhood. I have not grown up to be like them, and I would not want to “grow-up” to “earn” that unconditionaly authority that they have over the youth. I would not want to be right just because I am older, because I believe that wonders lie in those things which we expect nothing of, and if you just listen to a child whose pure heart has not been defiled, you will learn that they know better what by time and age we forget, they are new beings, they know much better the value of life. But because I do not want to claim this “right to be right”, I tend to prefer to see myself as a child, and detached to my elders. But as I was looking around here, and I was thinking about the growing trend of cougars that has even been publicized in the news recently, I was looking at older ladies in a more intimate way; not only sexually, like I always do with anything, but like if I actually had a chance to share an intimate relationship with them, and a learning experience for both of us. But then I lost hope as I saw a guy as old as her, I would think he would have a better chance, then I being to thinking about the competition that this would create, do any of us really have an advantage? I dont know this guy, which is why I am able to picture anything on him. He was dressed in a childish way, and I bet he acts childish as well, just like every man who is subjected under sin, unreasonable. With everything that I have been thinking I even felt to how I should approach one these older ladies to give her a compliment and try and court her; it requires the same thing one would need to do with anyone else, the requirement is the same for the younger chick then with the older babes, a clear and open mind... or God basically (I mean, how did Muhammad get his employer to prupose to him?). A clear an open mind is needed because of the sin that we are immersed in, but we are all the same.
We all are children at times, yes even that old guy; that mother guiding her children, do you really think she has the skill to never allow anything bad to happen to her children? Her children would be as well of with a bratty thirteen year old raising them, they both have the same idea of how to raise them: “what I believe to be right is right and I must make them believe the same” and, “I have to be a responsible grown up and take care of these children or else I am not good enough...” the point is that I saw that lady as a child taking care of children, things go wrong with everyone, I was never safe in my mother’s arms, the safety I felt was an illusion, and the fact that I am alive right now is just pure luck (I remember trying to kill myself at times), if not a curse to turn out the way I did. Just because children come out like other children (or what is normal), does not mean that they are doing it right, these are ignorant people raising and spreading their curse of sin, God has mercy on His children to satisfy them in having baby chicks as toys though they are going to squash them up accidently but surely.Anyways, enough of children raising, these people, where they are going, what they are doing, and even those who think they are doing right by searching for meaning in life, even myself we are all ignorant cihldren, I believed this a long time before, but now I see it in their faces, in their eyes, their selfish and childish concerns, their unreasonable and impractical fears. The importance they place in having an image, just like children, or only a percentage of what it means to be a child; it is well hidden. But it is not because they are being men that one cannot see the child in them, but it is because they have forgotten what it means to be “a man” that they greatly lack in the open expression of their fantasies.And only children are true men.
So I guess I talk more openly to children because I dont feel the pressure that they may use their age and “experience” against my arguments, and if they do I will not take it so severely. But my flaw is in ever seeing this severity with anybody else; that even though I believe that age should not matter, for some reason I still allow myself to be intimidated by it. And its problems like these that I decided to pay arrentions to myself, to figure out what causes me to believe what, and why am I forgetting such, or why else am I doubting this or that. Just pay attention to how your thoughts flow.
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