Beethoven’s sonata number 8 “Pathetique”
Its amazing, its like I can feel the notes in my head as they come. Maybe its because of how I am paying attention, you know what? I think I’ll try to “pay attention” while Im listening to it. As I try to meditate, I realize that I am not always paying attention to it, so my body works on trying to make up for the sensation, by trying to arrange everything it missed into “meaningful” patterns, patterns that make sense to the mind, patterns that one would say, “oh yes, I see it”. but while its trying to arrange these missed notes into patterns it is also missing out on the one’s that are constantly coming through my ears. With this thought, and the idea that my romanticism class gave me about “being in the present”, I try to pay attention and not worry about replacing those notes I missed. I pay attention, not making them up, not substituting, I am still missing notes, or so it feels like. As I paying attention to my not paying attention I realize that my mind is actually paying attention all along, in a kind of inverted way. As I listen to them, its like my ears were turned upside down (frequency wise), I say this because it feels like the music is being felt upside down; nevertheless, I am feeling it, and I guess it is a good thing, but I am not always keeping touch with this sensation. I also realize there is a difference when I listening “ideally” (or what I have considered to be the ideal form), listening “for”: there are times when I am anticipating the sound and beat of a note or chord, this is also not an open form of listening, it is kind of that “substitution” business, where you are not listening to the piece but you are only placing notes in places where they seem to be relevant, or for the pattern to be “meaningful”, (“I mean, what kind of meaning could beethoven possibly have?”; I guess is my attitude against the piece). There are times when I here the note right where it is suppose to be, and there are times when my mind groups a quick succession of notes into sections so that I only feel the group as a whole, but I dont feel ever single note, I consider this also to be a failure due to prejudice.
So so far, I find there are two types of listening, the actual listening that I consider to be ideal, and I am forgiving of the inverted type, because even though it is inverted, it is still listening at whats being played at the moment. The other three, filling in missed notes, anticipation, and grouping, are all results of prejudice, which are not listening to what is being played but are trying to form what is being played. The inverted type of listening, I realized when I tried to get rid of my prejudice, my prejudice happened because I thought I was not listening; because of the experience I felt, I conclude that the “inverted listening” happens or is realized when I am not consciously listening to the piece, when I dont know that I am listening to the piece; and I consider this to be true even as I listen to it right now. When I am present in the piece, I listen to every note and feel it where ever it is. When I am not present in the music, my mind is still listening, but somewhere and someway in which my conscious mind is not processing, as if the back of my mind, or something deep down there, was listening to it.
Maybe modern music kills a persons ability to listen, and their ability to be in the present, and to pay attention for this reason, that modern music, since you always anticipate what is going to be played, and since that anticipation is always right, you dont really have to listen to it. But you dont realize this because you are never wrong anyways. So yes, singing along, and tapping your feet to music, means you are not listening, but I would say that you are indeed hypnotized by the tune if anything. The only time anyone ever listens to modern music is the first time they here a new song, and it sounds “amazing”, after you get used to it, you are not really listening to it anymore, you are only going over it in your mind while its playing.
Because of this, and because I remember how much I loved a certain song the first time I heard it, I have tried different ways to have the same experience as I did the first time I heard it. I have thought about, the as I listen to it, that I dont expect whats coming but to just let the music flow through me. Now I realize what causes this state of “getting used to it”.
There is still something peculiar that I have not figured out, and this is about when one is listening, and when one is indeed anticipating parts of music, but feels them completely as if they were in the music. Which according to me that would be feeling the prejudice. If I would take a guess to what this means, is that that part of the song which one already knows and anticipates, has within itself uninterpreted features. As is the reason why every song has a steady beat, something that you are always familiar with, as it guides you to what comes next.
Maybe not, if get an answer I’ll continue. Meanwhile I am going to try to listen to a new song to see what I find out.
I didnt even finish listening to Cradle of Filth’s “Black Metal”. They play one little part around the begining of the song that completely distracts me from listening to all the rest! Wtf was that? I guess its cuz Im not banging my head to it that I get distracted, but as I try to listen, that little tune is in the back of my mind, trying to come alive again. To be honest I have no idea what this means, and if I were to guess, I would say: go ahead and guess. I guess its meant to keep you from listening. But thats just because I am personally inclined to melodic sounds, maybe it would have a different effect on someone else. Although it was something unexpected, it was too much contrast from the rest of the song, and its typical metal bashings. Idk, Im just trying to separate the unexpectedness in modern music with that of Beethoven.
As to the “peculiar” topic that I dont know to figure out. I think it happens when you know a song well enough “from the inside”, to not only anticipate the sound, but “make the sound” come out from your own will. As if you were one with the artist, and you were making the same sound with the same intention as what he felt. This also applies if you misunderstand a song, which is what I do, alot of times I am disappointed at the song when I read its lyrics, but when I think that the lyrics are of a certain type, I am feeling what the artist would feel if the artist were one that came up with these lyrics for this certain sound, even though he doesnt exist.
On another topic that I feel like covering is that the reasons why things happen a certain way, the reason why I was late for my final today, and the reasons I make mistakes and etc. is because my subconscious has a role for me to play. And funny, they are things that I feel that I expected in one way or another; cuz that is the environment I have dwelled on, disappointment after disappointment, or maybe just other people misunderstanding me, as if that is what I have been wanting all along. I can feel it sometimes, I remember instances right before I do something “daring”, like if I feel and I am sure of everything that may come from it, and though I anticipate the effect, yet I go through with it. According to my thoughts about this, any situation can change for the better at any moment; but there is an occult reason that my mind keeps from me, as I am carrying out its command. There is a role that I am dwelling on, something that I want to experience, that is causing and making everyone of my decisions, and perceiving whatever happens as an accomplishment of that role. This is amazing, I am tripping myself out. Thnx brain; but I wonder if these role suggestions only come from the media, and not something that I am the artist of, that would suck and so does me seeing this picture. Its up to me to decide what comes out of this... the desired outcome is implanted into your action. I feel like I havent explained this very well, I guess its because I dont fully understand it.
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