I am everything and everyone, when people are asked who they are, they answer with what they are being, because if we were to consider who each person is, we would find that we are all human, and the qualities of one are equally others, in some sense or potentiality... People who say, “I would never do something like that” are just blind to the things that would change their mind, and are ignorant to the beauty of the things they reject. We are all mankind, and we are all each other, the sins of one, are the potential sins of another, whether they are manifested or not, they are sinners since conception. We are all different in variable aspects; meaning we could all be the same, whether we are all in sin and only understand each other and nothing else, or whether we are all fully purified. Some people get sqeamish when they see blood, some people are disgusted at homosexuals, some people are terrified of pain; we all have our areas in which there are symbols that we reject. It does not mean that any of this is generally bad, it does not mean that anybody who is at peace with any of these is a misfit.
I have the belief that if you don’t understand something, it is because I dont understand how you do understand it, so dont try to explain my side.
I have the belief that if I dont like something it, I must learn to love it before I let it go, so I dont fix any of my problems.
Its taking too long for me to figure this out, I wish I could just pray and ask God, why do things hurt? But He speaks a language that I can only listen with the deepness of my soul. This shit is everywhere...
Anyways, so I am terrified of fear and hell, so its the only thing holding me back, its the only thing that can hold me back, I guess I have to learn to see beauty in not seeing beauty... how do I fukin do that? I have to see beauty in being terrified and being silent, I have to see beauty and appreciate pain, and willingly ask for torment.
I think my problem is that I keep rejecting things because I want to stay in fear to figure out how to get out. I dont want to use what I have discovered because I dont believe that they will work completely; but now I am thinking that I may not ever find out what works completely because I never try them. Or it could be possible that it doesnt matter what happens, I have a chance to figure it out no matter what happens.
We all hate only one thing, and everything we happen to connect to it, branches out rejection.
Maybe the element is belief, disbelievers are condemned those who dont believe in the Infinite.
I was thinking about how I must think about how I am already in pain to not mind what I am about to risk. Or how maybe being okay with my current situation, with not needing like I have to change myself will actually free me from feeling like I must do things, and allow me to be free. So then around the same lines I thought about the following:
Tap.com uses the statement “even though I have this feeling, I... and completely accept myself,” this is declaring that the feeling is only a problem in yourself and has nothing to do with the environment around you, and even though you are stupid to make such connections, you will still be at peace with yourself.
But I dont think this is what I am looking for.
I thnk what I am looking for is being at peace with my present will make me not feel forced, why is this? Because if the fears that I have that I feel like I must do something, my question is, how do I feel at peace when I am afraid of something, do I just not go after what I am afraid of? Well, to be at peace with myself, is to accept whether I have something or not. It seemed and I mentioned before that, fear was a result of a double force, one forward (desire) and one backward (desire) the conflict between these two desires create what is known as fear, but may there is a sense in which they are both the same, and ther is a single tension causing the illusion of two, this would be, dissatisfaction with your present state.The only reason you want something is because you believe that you need to get it, and if you do not already have it, its because there is something holding you back, if there was nothing holding you back there would not be a problem, but there would be no desire either, the simultaenuity of this double for indicates one source, dissatisfaction. What happens when you accept yourself?
When you are falling asleep, pay attention, your mind speaks. Letting your subconscious run, but consciously processing it.
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