So in the book there is all these ideas on being direct and not reacting on the impulse but to think it through and look inside yourself to what you really feel or not.So I ask, what is this really all about? What is the essential element that is being addressed as necessary? Wanting to project the truth, the frankness, the book discourages, and does not even address ways to convey things that you are afraid of saying. The book encourages for you to try instead, saying everything that you are intending, rather than letting it out with anger and other expressions. Also understanding that you cannot read minds, and that the intention of actions are usually misinterpreted, and should be asked about with words. Also I noticed that I have not been getting angry for some reason... I dont know why. I want to know why so that I can use that idea whenever it happens, but... Im still afraid of somethings.
I read the part on how to offend people.. I realize that people are never anything, people are people, and always everything that people are, we are all the same, although some actions may be irrational but who doesnt? And its still only the action, a fear that they have, something that they have a problem with, I should be more understanding of others and not judge the whole person out of one defect.
“Communicating suupportively means that you avoid ‘win/lose’ and ‘right/wrong’ games.”
Maybe this is why I am acting less angry, I asked myself “why am I angry getting?” my niece was drawing on the book I was reading, and I was getting angry, so I told her to stop, and she said no, I told her to stop because my sister was going to get mad, because it was her book. And she said that whatever is her mom’s, it is also hers. So with that said, I should have become calm aobut the subject, there is no danger if its her book, she has a point. But I still felt uneasy, and wondered why. Hmm, maybe because I am reading it? because I feel that I am responsible? That cant be it, I am not responsible it is her book, I dont have to be responsible for something if the owner is taking care of it. maybe it just bothers me because she is not keeping it neat, or because she is declaring authority. This is a mess, I would usually let her do what she wants, since I love it when people express themselves openly, why do I mind this? I know you silly, its because you are jealous that you cant draw on it, and she is. Not quiet well said, so that it sounds silly, but its in the right direction, because I am trying to treat it nice, or keep it clean and here she comes ruining it. I am being judged by my own measure, or I am judging by the measure that I feel judged by others. I dont allow myself to do that, so when I see someone else do it, I think they are doing wrong, and she is not, she is just expressing herself, what does it matter that the book becomes a little messy? As long as I am still able to read it, if I am worried about the book that would be the only the I would be concerned about. I think I know why, its because my sister usually keeps things neat, I like that about her, but now here is my niece messing it up, oh well, thats the cost of having kids I guess; being manifested right in front of my eyes.
So Im sitting, in a pretty blank state of mind and think to myself, why the hell am I doing all of this? What am I so concerned about? Im doing this so that there doesnt come a time a again, that I think that the world is over when it is really not, like those people that think their life is utterly ruined and end up committing adultery, or suicide. So how do I know that there is still soomething wrong with me? Because Im not going crazy out there emitting light rays of life. As long as im not doing this, then I dont know what life is all about. If only I had considered the possiblity, the more possibilities you consider the happier you end up, because you know what to expect from life, what to be cautious about, you get over excited for something you really care about because you considered all the negative possibilities, you thank God and nobody knows why except you. When people feel alright, you know there is alot to thank God for. But how can one learn that nothing means anything? That anything you think of can be wrong... specially doom. How can one learn and appreciate that fact? That we are still dead, looking at life through a window. That we are the non-existant, deep inside ourselves we’ll find that we ar composed of nothing, we just are what there is, but the self is an illusion, so we are the non-existent, somehow, by the Wonderous Power of the I AM, being exposed to the the Infinite blessings of Reality. When we look at someone else in the eyes, the window to the soul, we see that they are dead, that they are not really there, that they dont exist, just like us. When we close the eyes of a corpse, we do it because looking into their eyes reminds us of what we are; the corpse, a perfect example, you look into the window of the soul and find nothing, just like what is inside of you. And I smile when look into the eyes of a corpse, because I know I have found what every one has been hiding from me, and what they hide from themselves. The secret that people use so much energy to keep, to ignore that someday we will die as well, and that deep down inside, we are already dead. I have found the secret that that every one is so ashamed about, that everyone denies with their life, this is it. The truth that they look away from to pretend is not there, and I love it, its beautiful, something that has not been worn out by the eyes of man, or any other fallen being. Its depth and darkness shines with simplified complexity, it’s the obscure brightness, the perplexing profoundness, Its beautiful to see, and God, if this is what you are showing me, that you are Life, you alone, and not through me but you alone, I accept your truth with a pact of passion.
There are those who dont exist, then there is us. In fact we do not exist within, but only in the manifests of God. We are the dead, given vessels of life, a gift from the Eternal. And outside of us there is another Infinity of non-existant beings, potential essenses, spectators of the unknown, they lie in wait like corpses that were never awake, waiting to be risen.They come to us in vessels, more windows for us to see the wonders of Life, and its beauty we do not want to let it go. But be not afraid, for it is who we are. Then we realize that this unexistant, that is the greater part of us, the truth in us, is also part of Life. As we walk around this world, filled with little bits of the Unknown, in Infinite amounts, the greater part of us, is evident everywhere and in everything. Out of no where the One is born, covered in His own essence. He has allowed us to see into Himself, the Action, and it is up to Him, whether we are allowed to keep a window... or become Alive.
The book talks about the rules that we have for ourselves recorded in our parent ego. That these rules were important to us as children because we didnt know better about the world to make a judement by ourselves. So instead of hearing, “the stove is too hot for your skin’s comfort” we only hear, “dont touch the stove”. But “dont touch the stove” doesnt tell us how its hot and how hot can be good and its not always bad. But we judge things as eternal, we always think that touching the stove is bad, no matter what. But its not bad to touch the stove, its not even bad to get burnt, one should say, “If you touch the stove you are going to get burned, and i dont think you want that.” But they are left blind, and when they wonder “why not”, they are told not to ask. Then when they test it out, they feel extreme sensations that leave them stunned, if it wasnt for the past remark against the sensation, they may wonder about it and learn to live with such an amazing potential. But they think its something that should be avoided at all costs. They think it is forbidden, and because they have been warned against it, while being left blind about it, they learn to follow the words of others blindly, without testing for themselves the goodness or the badness of each situation. And so they fear whatever others have not said that is okay to touch, and so we fear the unknown. Because we have made for ourselves idols out of the things of the earth, we have put our trust in the words of men, we keep ourselves from living, from learning, we fear.
But where does fear come from? Or how do we learn to reject? Is it really in our nature to avoid pain?
We should be free, when we stare at a person, and they look, not to look away, but to smile, to walk up and talk to them. But we are afraid, because we think there is something wrong with looking, and the other person thinks there is something wrong, so you dont look anymore. That approach is out of the question. Like when I was traumatized by that girl, that got all disgusted because a drop of my sweat landed on her leg. What was I suppose to do? How was I not suppose to fear? How was I suppose to accept? How was I suppose to not reject? To believe that nothing was wrong? That it was okay to stay away? when they clearly told me to leave, please. How was I suppose to open my mind to understand their intention, if they did not allow me to understand? Because of their desire... her desire was to not be touched by other’s sweat... what was I suppose to do? Even if her desire was for me to stay away, I could also understand, because I have a desire to stay here. So if I never had a problem with her telling me to stay away, then I wouldnt be able to sympathize, but I wouldnt need to, I would jusst be free. The opportunity for redemption lies in the sin itself. By sin we die, but from death Life calls us to understand, to come back, Life is never out of our reach, unless... maybe something to do with hell and the final judgement. The reason why we are able to redeem ourselves from this state is because we sin, the grace of God. Because I fear this, because I have a desire, I have fallen,but because of this desire I can sympathize to understand, and this is what I should have done. “I want to be her friend, but she doesn’t like my sweat, and I am always sweaty, she wouldn’t allow me to be around her. “And that is what traumatized me, from here things branched out, that there were people like her that wanted me to not be. Some people dont like sweat, I should stay away from them, some people dont like curly hair, stay away from them, some people dont like brown eyes, stay away form them, and little by little I feel I should stay away from everyone, like if I should not exist. To not bother anyone (this is the new gospel), I felt like if this was my purpose in life, to not exist, because of these people that dont want me to exist, to stay in a little box somewhere and let no one see me ever. But if this was my purpose in life, wouldnt it be the Eternal destiny of all? So that in the end, nothing belongs to exist? (this is the new gospel), because everything is a nuissance for someone in the world, so the best is for no one or nothing to exist, this is the result of hate, the people that hate the world, cause it to die, they discourage it from existing, they even discourage themselves from living (suicide). But worthy is the one who stands up against all this discouragement that it is buried so deeply and neatly underneath the face, that it seems natural, that has even been part of our lives since a little bit after the creation.Worthy is the tree that does not wither when hate is around, but our minds even have such power to destroy even things without a mind. And this is the new gospel, that we must go against this discouragement, this death that is in our nature, to go towards all that fears us, and to not fear anything. There are those who do not want curly hair to exist, and for them should I be considerate and stay hidden away? Or should I straighten my hair as if its not part of me, as if it never was? Should I wear a mask of vanity to hide away my nature? (this is the culture we live in) Should I lie to the world? Should I disrespect Truth and keep everyone from knowing about its dominion? Should I proclaim and enthrone a lie (that there is no such thing as hair that curls)? Existence has made it this way! By His Authority, the only Real Authority, I will be. I will not hide, I will not die for you, I will not straighten my hair, I will not be ashamed of my nature, I will not wear make up, in fact I will do everything I can to exist. You can tell the flame to go away, you can tell God Himself to die, but it is you who needs to understand, to become alive. If you hate the world, you can make it go away by killing yourself; only by Loving it will you be allowed to be here. Do not feel ashamed, do not feel rejected, when the people that call themselves “chosen” reject you, it is not you who is doing the rejection, it is not you who is working against the purpose of Life. The true saints are those who Love, and they await your understanding, never fear, never feel ashamed, never feel helpless unloved and unwanted, the True Saint has even died for you, for all of you curly hair people, the One who brought you into existence did so because he wants you to exist, the One who brought you into existence proved His desire for you to live by dying for you. God himself and those who side with him, the saints who love, these are the ones who Love you, who pray for you to exist, for all of you curly haired people, they love your freckles, God does not reject you because you are sweaty all the time, He thinks thats perfectly healthy. There are girls that just love your sweaty body, who love your awkwardness and your expression. They are waiting for you to not fear a thing, to not fear, for you to not reject a thing of existence. They are waiting for you to leave rejection, because once you leave rejection you will be free, you will live fully for all to see, and not be concerned about those who say that you are just trying to get attention. You will be seen by all, you will exist for all, and those who love, will love you for it, and He who Loves, will Love you for it. Just dont die, do not agree with those who reject, but love instead. You do not have to love to be loved back, but you must love to realize that love really does exist, and that there exist a love for you to stay alive, for you to exist.Love and you will Live.
No comments:
Post a Comment