Ok so this idea has at least given me the freedom to wonder and explore, without resenting my existence. So I am free now..
I am allowed to do whatever I want, and I dont have to feel bad for doing something wrong. And if I ever do not get what I want its no big deal. I dont have to be careful, only as much as I want something do I have to be careful, but besides that, I shouldnt feel bad. Mistakes and sadness happen all the time so I am not alone or crazy or an outcast as these people make it seem.
No but this is not what I wanted to write about. ... I forgot. Now I need to address what I want, and look into it to accomplish it. I wonder, the threat factor is now trivial, it seems like the higher you go in the latter, the content and significance of the last step is unnecessary.
I also wonder, I dont think this is the blessed mood where everything makes sense, but it does make me feel comfortable. Maybe the blessed mood has to do with my desires, also maybe meaning, but things mean, I dont know, things do not have that beauty, I wonder if this state will ever keep me uncurious (because I dont always get what I want)wwwwwwwwww maybe not. I just want to jack off right now.
I asked her to show me her scars, and she flashed me, so I said “oh... they’re on your boobs, cool!”
So Im guessing this method mantra shit works for when I have inhibitions or contradicting motivations when dealing with people, but now I need to learn how to deal with objects, and myself.
Now I watxhed porn again, how dissappointing... cuz I thought it was ok.. nothing is wrong?
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