December 29, 2009

...video games...

Living in the present works like this that instead of focusing and worrying about the future and what you have done and how everything will turn out after so many and kinds of attempts that you will never be able to predict, you think, so what can I do about it ‘right now’, and what you can do about it ‘now’ (not later, because you are not focusing on plans and whether they are going to work or not), its not planning, its acting ‘now’ to put everything in place.  When you get in this state of mind, you realize that there is no other way to get things done, I mean, we live in the present, this is the only place where we exercise power, in the present, so lets do things that involve the ‘now’ now, and the ‘now’ that will be.

One thing that dissappoints me  because I did not come up with it, but read it in a book, and now I am trying to understand how I would have derived it, and what I need to fix in myself to be able to derive such things that were this much out of sight..

In the book it says, -Empathy, to not judge others, you just have to realize that everyone is trying to survive-  This openned my mind so much, now I just have to say this whenever I feel someonedoes something against me, EVEN if they intend to harm me... it is not their fault, they are just trying to survive.  With this phrase, their attacks are not personal, they have nothing personal against me (even if they think they do), its that there is something wrong with me, its that they are trying to accomplish something.  Something I would gladly help them with if it meant building them up, or even if its just a favor, go ahead and mock me, doesnt it feel good?  And the way I live for others, I could just see it as more of my service towards them.  They dont realize that I am giving them a gift, but thats all right, I just want them to be happy (hmm, maybe not, I usually have a problem with not getting credit for what I have done, but maybe its just because it involve the intentions of others, which if I disregard, it will not be a problem either).

Ok so how would I have ever come up with this? 

This is very similar to my idea that every one, no matter who is right or wrong, open or stubborn, is trying to get a hold of Truth, this is why there are so many arguments and idea wars.  Religion and science, each thinks the other is stupid, but each one is only trying to get a hold of truth.

I think the reason why I didnt connect this with interpersonal matters is because, I didnt see how someone spreading gossip about me, related to, the search for Ultimate Truth. Mhm,

I guess I also have a problem holding on to my assumption that all people, since they have similar minds, are the same.  The reason for this is because I must stay open to the possibility of each person being completely different then every other human being and there is no way for me to understand them. 

Because of this difficulty I also have trouble using empathy to be able to connect with the goals of others (unless of course I have experienced them before).  But I shouldnt need the experience of their specific situation and status because behind it all there is the fact that lies within every other living being; something that every other one who is alive can relate to, “we all want”.  Even if we are trying to not want, we want to not want, even if we dont want, the reason we stay  in that state, is because we want to stay not wanting, if we didnt want to stay not wanting then we would want to want, and therefore want. Ok even if I am wrong in this sense (I have an idea of how someone would prove me wrong in this argument), the point is, anybody that has ever wanted should be able to relate with someone that wants.  And this connection is all you need, to empathize.  If you have ever wanted something, you can see that moment of desire through the perspectives that surround the situation of the action of all the other intentions of other people  (the only reason why someone would have an intention is because they want  a certain outcome, which is the definition of an intention? I intend to... my goal is to... my aim is... my desire is... even if their goal is not what they want personally [as in the case of a blackmail] the fact that they are still going for it shows they are using their actions as a means to something, nevertheless, the fact that they are aiming at it, reflects desire for the outcome).

So when someone intends anything I can relate to them, when someone has a problem giving up a desire, I can also relate to them. because even if I had never had a problem giving up a desire, they desire the desire, and I have desired before, so I can still relate to them.  wow, could it be that the reason why addictions are so hard to overcome is because, one desires the desire of the desire of the desire...  and all this time they are trying to give up the base desire but they cant because they havent given up the desire for the desire for the desire for it.  and so the addiction is so hard to get over, because they must be able to pinpoint the end of this chain, and begin there.  The desire of a desire can be satisfied by satisfying the desire to obtain the an end to the desire of the desire, to have a reason to give up the deisre of the desire, if its not satisfied then you keep wanting to hold on to the desire, this is why its so hard to let go of it and focus on something else, because you want to hold on to the desire. Once you satisfy your base desire, there is no way to get it back, so your second desire gives up and lets go, without a trace.

A less “chainy sounding” way to say is that, not only do you want a cupcake, but you also want the craving levied in this specific way... so not only do I crave the cupcake, but I also crave my satisfaction.  Not only do I crave the cupcake, but I also crave eating it (instead of getting rid of the urge by looking the other way). Sometimes you crave eating it, even if you dont crave it, so that you eat it without enjoying it, this would be desiring the desire foor the cupcake without desiring the cupcake.  Why would this happen?  Why do we fall so many times if we dont even want the object but we only want the desire for it.  Because we dont realize that we dont want it, and that we only want the desire for it, and if we do, we still cant think of it in a way to find it in order to tap it.

This is the reason why so many people overeat, they are concerned about food, the are addicted to the desire for food.  I want to want it.. no, I dont want to want it.. well if you dont want to want it why do you keep on wanting it?.. hm, maybe its because I want something else that it holds.

Do you ever do stuff that you dont want to do? No you dont, the only way this would happen is that if you do an accident, and it wasnt what you intended, so that it happens without you knowing it was going to happen, (and even in this case there are factors of the subconcious that controls this space so deep down inside, everything that happens is a result of you intending it in some mental level or another).  If you “do something you dont want to do” in the sense that you are fighting against an urge, that urge that you fight a against, is a desire, the desire that wins over the other, is the one you wanted more.  Now how these urges “fight” against each other, may not be a matter of degree of the stronger desire, but maybe it can be thought of as a degree of the longer chain.  So that the thing that means more to you at the moment is the one you choose, (once one is satisfied the other is still there so that there is no way to satisfy it since the act is done, and now you can only regret because you want to want it and it cant be satisfied, so regret is the same as, not eating a cupcake, because you want a certain outcome, but you cannot get it anymore, and though, you still want it, so you “regret”).

Im gonna have to experiment this one out because its so confusing...

Experiment: I must ask myself, “do you want it?”

I must understand the question and answer honestly.

                I must aske myself, “do you want to want it?”

I must understand the question and answer frankly, from what I feel within (not just blurt out a wish)

                I must ask myself, “do you want to want to want it?

I must understand how deep this question is going, and get an answer from those depths.

Ok, back to the subject matter, “we all want” and this is all we need to empathize.  The reason why I get angry at other is because they have bad intentions, intentions to hurt others, unreasonable, inconsiderate, why the hell would they do somehting so stupid?  Have they no heart? Have they no sense of consideration? Of sense? 

So then I think I have to ask: have I? Or: Could I be doing the same?

And I should not just dismiss the question but look for a positive answer that says that I am indeed doing the same somehow.  Once I realize a way that I am being a stupid inconsiderate, with no sense of peace or no desire for reconciliation, then I would be able to relate to such a mindless and heartless subject and say, “forgive me God, I just didnt know what I was doing” and then say, “I forgive you, because you are doing the same, its ok that you dont change, just like I never changed about these things I did until now...”   So now your job is not to get back at a person that wronged you, but your job is to do with this subject as you would do with ANYBODY ELSE (there is no favoritism just because this guy is at your presence, but you realize that EVERYONE needs love.,.,.) and attempt to allow them to see.

                This method would still require alot of work than just saying, “they are just trying to survive.”  I think its because it involves relating to the specific situation instead of just focusing on the essence of an intention.  The only connection that I make when I say, “they are just trying to survive” is that, they want something (for some reason or another), just like I want something (for any reason or another).  I guess  it is because I am, in fact, concerned about the specific situation; to make sure that they do not have an intention against me,  or against anyone that I may want to stand up for.  I think its because I want to separate people, because of the prejudice I have and the hatred towards these certain types, because of my  conditional love I feel the need to separate into groups.  And because of this, I am concerned about their specific intention.

                Either that, or what I would have to do is use it so much that I would get tired of doing the whole relation thing and just say, I just know there is a way that I could relate to him.... no, this wouldnt work because I am not satisfied until I find something that I can compare with (hint: the desire).  And it just wouldnt come to mind.  I guess what I would have to do is compare: He wants this, and I want that (or else why would I be concerned about what he wants?) I think this is better, and he hasnt thought about it... *** (this is where I normally end) what I would have to ask now is: he hasnt thought about it, because he thinks he already knows, just like I think I have thought about it enough to think this is better, but in reality I dont even know if my desire (to stay alive) is more righteous than his desire (to kill me).  Alas! He wants something, and I want against it. I want something and he wants against it.  The trouble is only about desires, nothing else.  I cant blame him for wanting, just like I want something and go after it, he does the same, regardless of the reflection I have done about who I am hurting, these are the risks I must take in order to live, that with my existence, someone else is hurt, but I still act, because I know that someone else else, is satisfied.  And so this person that want to kill me (he may have not reflected that he is hurting me, he is just doing what he wants, without considering who I am, or that I may have better reason to live, but its the risks he takes by acting to make others happy, that makes me unhappy.  He takes the risk, just as I.

                I think the phrase that I would come up with is “everybody is just taking risks, playing the cards that they have, to try and win, just as I”

Still, how would this have come to mind?

I guess what I have to do is generalize the picture, so that I include an open situation, and try to figure it out.  Instead of figuring out how to deal with robbers, killers or black people, I imagine a scenario with a stranger, a blank stranger, and learn how to deal with him, taking into consideration that I am to him, as he is to me.  Now what would we reason or not? And this is difficult to do but maybe its just  because i dont know how to do it... I think Ill sleep on this one.

And I have not figured it out,and I think why am I not focusing on it? because Im busy being alive and doing everyday stuff.. then I think, well that shouldnt get in the way... the onyl reasn it does get in the way is because what I think is not part of my life, and that is a problem.  Application is an important part of exploration (and of philosphy for that matter, there are those who think that philosophy has nothing to do with real life, I say if it doesnt then it isnt really philosophy, and its a waste of time just like med ed and science.  Si how does one apply? The meanings that they constantly get from the world, mmost obviously in form of text, they must see how it plays into their everyday lives, their immediate surroundings, the far away, the unknown, and everything we consider, and consider part of existence.

And whenever there is a negative emotion, it never means there is something wrong, it just  means that there is something new to learn, another domain to explore, and it has nothing to do with the idea and the interpretation that you are holding on to.  So whenever there is a negative emotion, it is just an interpretation, and it should be changed, just like in your moments of happiness; you choose when you want to be happy and when you want to be sad and angry.s

And to come up with something like this, I would accomplish it, but I would have to take into consideration everything I have thought about already... and thats my problem... plainly put.

Simply said, it is not okay to have problems, if you have a problem with something, takecare of it, either one way or another, and if you cant, then its because you are holding on to it.  There is always a way, there are so many ways that you can even choose out of the many varieties of solutions.  Its impossible to collect them all, thats how many solutions there are.

Confess, confessions. Keeping confession in mind will keep you away from doing this. 
Scenerio:

He: I dont want to know?

She: do really not want to know?

He: yes, I dont need to know that, why would I need to know when you have your period?

She: well I was just thinking that there is a necessity of having conversation about our intimacies, with others sometimes

He: well yea, but there is specific people you do that with

She: and you are not one of them?

He: no, I got my own people, I dont need to talk to you about that kind of stuff

She: what about when those people leave you, what then?

He: well, then I will look for you, but until then, I really dont need to know about your private stuff.

Time later...

He: so I need to talk intimately with you now

She: *ignores

By her ignoring, she is trying to say something, she is trying to prove a point with her actions, she wants to express an idea.  Its not that she doesnt want to, its that she wants him to know that she is still hurt about what he said, and the way he thought of her.  She just wants to let him know something... But  she doesnt think about the point she is trying to make, all she thinks is: this guy is a jerk, im not gonna even try with him.  Or: how selfish of him, he deserves  to feel what he put me through.  But if we confess, OR ask why I think that “he deserves to feel what he put me through”.  We have a better chance at realizing our root concern about the situation.  And all we have to do is express it, and have confidence that we can teach them not by participating in the art of rejection, but by simply explaining it thoroughly.