SO this is how I am inspired, I was watching this movie with the waiters and they play a game that they show each other their balls and kick each others in the ass, and the actor is the one from van something vacation adventure I dont give a damn.. anyways, in one of the scene the waiter asks for orders and the customer says, “arent you writing this down?” and he says, that he has a good memory... so out of this scene I thought about how he did that, then I thought about how he decided that he didnt need to write things down anymore, so he wrote things down, and he moved down to dots and commas, simpller symbols that didnt take much hand moving. And the benefit of this, I mean how does this make the mind work?
But these symbols must express the essence of the object, the subconscious aura it gives off. Is this what the egyptian symbols are all about? If this is true, then if one can get into a state of mind I will be able to read all of this, and maybe how every language works, the reason why cultures come up with certian words is because there is some kind, any kind, of connecction, and if you can trace these back and forward according to the body movements and nature of expressions and accent of each language group and word, everything will come in synch with the present, the words you hear, and now, you understand russian.
So going back to how the work of the mind replaces the work of the symbols, the smaller the symbols the better, then only an action, then the intention of the action is enough, then instead of creating the world of reminder outside, the symbols that are memory, this world is now in your head, and you are better able to articulate the objects there, instead of dong math, you do sense... but then there is a danger of it going to deep and it becoming second nature so that you know the answer but you dont know why, kind of like intuitions and weird shit... (Hey is there a way to improve your intuition without putting it into your conscious mind?... the next paragraph may be about this/ maybe not.) and this may imporve how real and comprehensive the world inside ones head is, so that whatever you imagine becomes real, and so that yourimagination and reality are in perfect synch, I would be living the dream.
And now I must go back and think about what spurred all of this, where did the value come in, what is original and what did I steal or use from the scene from that movie.
So I still have this problem I cant get my beliefs about girls straight, I love girls but I dont believe that girls love guys.. and there have been times where it looks like the problem is solved, but I just cant see it because of all the fucking times that everyone, and the so popular and well accepted belief that girls are asexual, I mean, wwhat the fuck is the deal with the encouragement of idea. Anyways, Ill fix it later, all I do is watch porn and think about girls all day, they are so distracting, and other than being horny I know its because I havent solved this about them. Ok, So maybe the reason why I am thinking about this so much today is because I havent masturbated in a while. Still, if it doesnt bother me like this, then I will go even longer without solving it and never exceeed who I am. Okso here I go,, wait a minute what the fuck none of this is real Im going by what I see on tv, and am always fuck, no hold on, my thoughts, ok here they go... so the chicks were talking about war in iraq because men were sexually oppressed and i thought, oh great more girls talking about complaining about how guys want sex all the time, ugh. But then they said that it was because the women had to wear all that shit, and i thought, ok maybe the wish the women wore less so that men would calm down, hm that doesnt sound so selfish and feminist, or acting like women dont do anything dirty. When I come to think of it, thats like guys talking about how girls are so stuck up that they need to get laid, and I say yes yes, ok thats good, but they oh my this is freaking so many thoughts Ive thought before I can wont believe, all this.. ok so all of this is pointless I realize but Im thinking abot this because I forgot my main concern about them, finding the right one, that energetic dont take no shit from anybody, understanding, all these cool characteristics that I always admire.. what does this all mean? Ok the reason I think is why I am worried aboiut this is because I am not acting towards my goal, I am not who I want to be and I am not after what I want. I am after the wrong thing,, which is hwy I never meet the ones, or ever hear about or gett to this side of girls dammit, its ont the tip of my toungue, I am baout to reach it. I think my goal discovery is that girls are just like guys. I dont like the sexism the whole segregation of gender roles, its ridiculous, I want to treat girls like what they really are, they are people just like me, I dont want to try and get laid, I dont want to be sweet I just want them to chill and do weird stuff with them like if they were friends, normal friends. REALLY?! But I am afraid that when I change into somethinng else, I will lose the old wonders... this is the miracle of change, accept it. but maybe you dont even have to do that, still like, if I think that girls are same as guys, wont I lose my other belief that they are different unreachable, angels, and a miracle when you actually come into contact with them. And none of this would matter if I could get them both together by having the luxury of believing all of this and more at once, by not making myself any rules, just imply meaning behind meaning, seeing wonders within wonders, sisters and brothers, beauty and miracles. So how and what is this? Its the many opportunities of interpretation without limits. I limit myself, by fear and Caution, I shouldnt do this, this is where prejudice comes from, by stopping at one, I must have more, I must have life, I must have wonder, I must have the comfort of my home by girls being just buddys like me, and i must have the wonder of reaching them, AMEN! Amen, amen.
Ok so is this really the problem? No the problem is remembering that this is the problem. And here is the memory thing.. back to the foundations,
So what do I have to do, what are the steps here? You are presented with a situation that you dont accept and you give it to God, you see it with new eyes and you love it, when you see something beautiful and you cant take your eyes off of it, there is a mystery that you need to resolve, not so that beauty will disappear, but so that you can accept the better wholesome beauty of Life. SO you see someting beautiful, and yopu stare, you stare, you stare, and you wonder, you get it out somehow.
So I just finished watching the movie, and I conclude, that the only possible way that this lie can go so far is that if all girls have problems, my goodness, so much insecurity this gender role thing gives off, but then again, its not so usual being Jimmy. I guess its not that all girls have problems, its that people have problems, I have less... or at least I try to work against all this bullshit like not other “apparently”, only apparently. I just wished it was all sorted out so that I can enjoy life with good music, and no distractions... and I bet this is possible if I could just get the right state of mind.. but how.
So I am thinking, about how I want to be all of thhese interpretations for others but everyone will only see one, me. SO I think wouldnt it be great if other people saw, and appreciated the many interpretations that I want to present? Wouldnt it be wonderful if they wanted that, if that was what people naturally wanted? And I thought maybe it is what they want.. and now I think about it and I think that is kind of right since people want new, and meaning and more comprehensive interpretation. So going by the rule that rule that everyone searches for meaning, and taking into consideration the importance of acceptance (which is what I must figure out the nature of acceptance), the conclusion that I am getting is that people, as they search for meaning, their sole desire is to accept they would be happier, they would appreciate more, fear little, and get angry less, if they just understood and accepted, this is what people are after, and this, feels so close that it turns me on.
So what is the nature of acceptance... whoa baby! It feels so right!
Acceptance is
Things that you accept exist,
If you dont look for them they wont exist to you,
People want to understand, show them that they understand, and they will feel good, show them that they understand ... when they get angry at someone for not understanding it is actually that they fear, that they do not understand, they do not want that to be true so they blame others..
Things that you show your acceptance for will exist more... So there are two things, that I symmbol out acceptance, and seek it, and for this you need love. Love the Truth.
Or I think, that in ohter words, its like this, that people want to understand, or people dont want to be wrong, and I should show them that they really dont have to be wrong to accept something, they dont have to reject somethinng they hold, they do not have to feel rejected (I dont know, what is the nature of being wrong). So people dont want to be wrong, they do not want to reject what they have believed, and they dont have to be wrong, beecause... everything has a place to be accepted.
Symbols,lead the direction of your thouhgts, symbols comme and many forms, music, words, anything that has a connection, that has a meaning, and with so many factors in commercials, its hard to bring in your own interpretation, but with the volume off, there are many more opportunitirs
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