The saints are waiting.
Love and ressurection...
Eric Berne’s setup of the ego: Parent, child, adult
The parent makes the rules, the child cries and reacts on emotions, and the adult sorts things out.. In a description between the parent and the child, I wondered abut how they both dealt with problems,negative emotions, they should be the same on my setup, but they are separated in Eric Berne’s.. I described the three: Fear, sadness, and anger. The Parent is Anger (because its in control so tha it uses force as if to change what it is rejecting), and the child is fear and sadness (because fear and sadness cover permanence and possible permanence of the rejected object which mean it would have no control, so it is a child), what about the adult? An interesting line in the book said “It [the adult ego] is aware, but the awareness has no emotional charge” I guess that would be in terms of closed desire, well desires are given to the child ego, but the parent also has desires because why else would it enforce rules? I guess I have to look into the nature of the parent and understand the control element in anger. It would probably end up being broken up and explained into three simpler areas: anger, fear, sadness. Or maybe broken up and being able to match up different shapes and figures, each grouping would have a different name as we associate them to different things. Nope, sorry I misinterpreted Eric’s ego states, and I dont care to interpret and compare again, I rather read on.
“Nomilazations: concrete nouns into abstract nouns” thats why they are called abstract, because there is no matter in the world to define it, so every person is able to define in their own way, making the noun, volatile.
Thinking about how its annoying that people apologize so much at my school for no reason, for something I actually dont mind. what if it was something I did mind? or they think I mind so they apologize. If I mind that means I am getting angry at something and thats not good, that means that my mind is closed in that certain area, and when they apologize they are submitting to my limitted view of the world. So apologizing is bad, because you tell the other person that it is ok to keep their point of view of the world, because you are respecting their boundaries. A righteous person would not need any apologies because they accept all, and they love all. A righteous person would also apologize to no one, except to God, (they would not submit to anyone’s outline of the world, except God’s).
Uh I will right about this because it seems significant for some reason, oh right, my family just bought our first house, with the money from my little brother, I am currently now on winter break, and its pretty neat. Just a few days ago, a friend came over and told us that some one was killed right on the bushes of the entrance of the apartments where we used to live. We went there last night to get the stray mail, I saw they had candles and stuff it looked really nice where he died. My mom says Montclair is going down, and God got us out of there just in time.
Living in the present: or participating in a complete activity, because you are not concerned about doing things right or wrong, because right or wrong is only judged by an end to the means. I stared at the girl from church, not because I wanted to get her attention, not to flirt with her, (I was trying like hell to not be concerned about my fantasies with this stranger), but I did so only because she was pretty, and I wanted to look at her.
Im thinking about a situation that makes me feel bad, I want to understand it so that I dont fear it, and so I dont feel bad about it. I try to understand that it means nothing, someone yelling at me because they are mad. But its not working, I still feel bad. I tell myself that everything is okay, that people get angry all the time for no reason, that its okay. But I still dont feel good, even though and understand all these things. The way it went away was when I thought about the effects, then when I thought about the effects and told myself it was okay, and it was gone. I guess I was okay about the situation, but I was concerned about the future, not living in the present? So now I want to think about everything that worries me and everything I want to do, and tell myself how its ok. But I want to keep reading this.
Now you shouldnt have negative feeling towards others, but if you do, it is better to confess them as soon as possible. Because when you hold them in, you begin to get artistic and express it by, my goodness, the tv is so loud I cant concentrate. I dont think I should tell my dad to turn it down, but I dont feel anything against him so I have a choice.
A thing that I must keep in mind is that everything I do is wrong (so that I wont think people are ridiculous for judging me, if I think that they are ridiculous, then I am being ridiculous for judging). But I am not wrong in a way that I should oppress myself and do nothing for the sake of others, but I am wrong in the sense that everything I do has a possibility for being judged, that people are able to say something bad about everything I do, and I should learn to be ok with that, just learn to live with it.
Now my niece told me I was ugly, so I laughed mockingly. Then after a while of thinking about it, I felt bad. I know I wasnt suppose to. I begin to think I felt bad because I thought I was ugly, I try to tel myself that nothing was wrong, but I was concerned about something, there was something that I wanted to take care of, what was it? I admitted to myself that according to my beliefs and values, something was indeed wrong, whats wrong was that my niece saw that I was ugly, but the problem is not me being ugly, but it is her seeing ugly. (Out of this introspection we can see how sometimes we can get a certain emotion, we get it because our beliefs tells us something is wrong. But that hunch that we get can lead us to the wrong picture of what it is that is wrong. When I felt bad, I felt like I was stupid, like if I had done many things wrong, how can I not be concerned about my looks, then I started to think about how maybe my brother told her to tell me that. I begin to associate this negative emotion with all these objects, giving the objects the possibility of haunting me later on with the same emotion. Even though I had an emotion that something was wrong, I still needed to bring it to my conscious mind what belief of mine was being trespassed, then admit to myself that it really wasn’t a problem. If the real problem is remain disguised, then it is harder to know what things to study or what example to think about to contradict the fact that the object is a problem. Only until something gives you the cue that there is no problem from trespassing the actual law that was trespassed, only then will you feel okay again about your looks).
I was squeezing a lemon and I noticed that my teeth clenched up. I received it as a bad sign, was I angry at the lemon? Maybe its because I want the lemon juice out of the lemon, why else would I hate the lemon? Maybe if I try to enjoy squeezing the lemon I wont feel bad anymore, not wanting something from the lemon, but just squeezing it for the sake of it. I tried it, and it felt more... soupy?
I was reading on conflict skills and negotiation, and realized that the essence of negotiating is to realize that things are never set, that even though there is commercial, and standardized test, masses and strict rules by government or by machines, that the world is not as strict as a video game. That in real life, people is what controls everything, and you can go and ask people for help, and sympathy. Like my writing on community. Everything was made and decided by people, the given rules are not eternal laws, and reasonable people understand this to the point of giving in to opposition, anyone. I guess this is hard to understand because of video games, there is no room for negotiation or sympathy in video games. Anyways, so as stated in “community”, I can ask for help in getting my interests, and ther is sure to be someone out there with the same interests, and there goes help. About reality, it reminds us that our Reality is not strict, either, as if boxed in, like we tend to imagine it everytime we do. But we must keep in mind, in order to have harmony with this idea, that anything is possible. And when anything is possible, how can one ever be locked up in one possibility?
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