December 22, 2009

So Iam home, been noticing alot that I am the seventh son telling people  how my mother got pregnant, also the bathroom gives me some sort of environment differently I dont know what it means, it is where I begin to remember everything and have a purposee but I cant stay in there  and type , it is because I remember stuff to sort out but there is too much to keep in my head, I should really practice using my memory... and learn ow it works to beable to keep and sort out such a large amount of information...Im in my new house and I dont know where anything is, I just slept allnight all day and I am still sleepy I think its because of my lack of sleep nbut it may also just be my imagination due to the inhibitions, everything means something maybe there is something wrong with the house, or just te family, I dont blame myself for not doing anything but I dont think anybody else will.  It was because I was cold, thats why I didnt feel like doing anything, it was my inhibition.. but that doesnt mean that there is no other meaning to it... anyways

So I saw a picture of prom from my friends looking through my stuff, my friend and her date and my other friend with her date who is also a friend. and wondered, wow, he kept her, wonder why? He saw something valuable in her, maybe because she likes sex.  But alot of girls... all girls like sex but we dont meet them, I wish I could tell him, there is a whole bunch a shit out there, you shouldfigure it out, a way to see it before you decide to marry someone just because she likes sex... yea, like me, I dont know who or what to marry, because I dont know what is out there, what is special, what I want, or why I want what I want.  I need to figure out who I am before I decide what I want, or what I am going to spend the rest of my life with.  I hope God helps me because this looks like its going to take a lifetime.

(paragraph deleted here: too many details that people would still be recognized even without the names… but it was this paragraph dealing with witchcraft and “coincidences” that happened, that made me think it was because of the witchraft spells)

Here is some stuff I wrote in my Sabbath school lesson:

Get ready for the minute before, IT REALLY WORKS, if you are used to doing things late, just do it to do it  a littl bit earlier,

Being the one you wish there was,

Declaring Truths only God can do, when we do it it is a result of Pride, the sin the made Lucifer fall.

I was going over some stuff I wrote before a loong time ago, I dont even remember when I wrote it..

It said that I only remember certain things that encourage a certain state of mind that I am in, like when I am sad I only remember sad things, making me think that my whole life has ever been sad.  Now when I ttihnk about this, what would it be like to remember everything.. this would be to be in a state of mind that accepts everything. Not just happy, not just sad, but accept everything,  but I must learn to accept everything, to accomplish this.  Because supposedly, I dont remember things I dont tolerate.