December 31, 2009

So in the book there is all these ideas on being direct and not reacting on the impulse but to think it through and look inside  yourself to what you really feel or not.So I ask, what is this really all about? What is the essential element that is being addressed as necessary?  Wanting to project the truth, the frankness, the book discourages, and does not even address ways to convey things that you are afraid of saying.  The book encourages for you to try instead, saying everything that you are intending, rather than letting it out with anger and other expressions.  Also understanding that you cannot read minds, and that the intention of actions are usually misinterpreted, and should be asked about with words.  Also  I noticed that I have not been getting angry for some reason... I dont know why. I want to know why so that I can use that idea whenever it happens, but...  Im still afraid of somethings.

I read the part on how to offend people.. I realize that people are never anything, people are people, and always everything that people are, we are all the same, although some actions may be irrational but who doesnt? And its still only the action, a fear that they have, something that they have a problem with, I should be more understanding of others and not judge the whole person out of one defect.

“Communicating suupportively means that you avoid ‘win/lose’ and ‘right/wrong’ games.”

Maybe this is why I am acting less angry, I asked myself “why am I angry getting?”  my niece was drawing on the book I was reading, and I was getting angry, so I told her to stop, and she said no, I told her to stop because my sister was going to get mad, because it was her book. And she said that whatever is her mom’s, it is also hers. So with that said, I should have become calm aobut the subject, there is no danger if its her book, she has a point.  But I still felt uneasy, and wondered why.  Hmm, maybe because I am reading it?  because I feel that I am responsible?  That cant be it, I am not responsible it is her book, I dont have to be responsible for something if the owner is taking care of it.  maybe it just bothers me because she is not keeping it neat, or because she is declaring authority.  This is a mess, I would usually let her do what she wants, since I love it when people express themselves openly, why do I mind this?  I know you silly, its because you are jealous that you cant draw on it, and she is.  Not quiet well said, so that it sounds silly, but its in the right direction, because I am trying to treat it nice, or keep it clean and here she comes ruining it.  I am being judged by my own measure, or I am judging by the measure that I feel judged by others.  I dont allow myself to do that, so when I see someone else do it, I think they are doing wrong, and she is not, she is just expressing herself, what does it matter that the book becomes a little messy?  As long as I am still able to read it, if I am worried about the book that would be the only the I would be concerned about.  I think I know why, its because my sister usually keeps things neat, I like that about her, but now here is my niece messing it up, oh well, thats the cost of having kids I guess; being manifested right in front of my eyes.

So Im sitting, in a pretty blank state of mind and think to myself, why the hell am I doing all of this? What am I so concerned about?  Im doing this so that there doesnt come a time a again, that I think that the world is over when it is really not, like those people that think their life is utterly ruined and end up committing adultery, or suicide.  So how do I know that there is still soomething wrong with me?  Because Im not going crazy out there emitting light rays of life.  As long as im not doing this, then I dont know what life is all about.  If only I had considered the possiblity, the more possibilities you consider the happier you end up, because you know what to expect from life, what to be cautious about, you get over excited for something you really care about because you considered all the negative possibilities, you thank God and nobody knows why except you.  When people feel alright, you know there is alot to thank God for.  But how can one learn that nothing means anything?  That anything you think of can be wrong... specially doom.  How can one learn and appreciate that fact?  That we are still dead, looking at life through a window.  That we are the non-existant, deep inside ourselves we’ll find that we ar composed of nothing, we just are what there is, but the self is an illusion, so we are the non-existent, somehow, by the Wonderous Power of the I AM, being exposed to the the Infinite blessings of Reality.  When we look at someone else in the eyes, the window to the soul, we see that they are dead, that they are not really there, that they dont exist, just like us.  When we close the eyes of a corpse, we do it because looking into their eyes reminds us of what we are; the corpse, a perfect example, you look into the window of the soul and find nothing, just like what is inside of you.  And I smile when look into the eyes of a corpse, because I know I have found what every one has been hiding from me, and what they hide from themselves.  The secret that people use so much energy to keep, to ignore that someday we will die as well, and that deep down inside, we are already dead.  I have found the secret that that every one is so ashamed about, that everyone denies with their life, this is it.  The truth that they look away from to pretend is not there, and I love it, its beautiful, something that has not been worn out by the eyes of man, or any other fallen being.  Its depth and darkness shines with simplified complexity, it’s the obscure brightness, the perplexing profoundness, Its beautiful to see, and God, if this is what you are showing me, that you are Life, you alone, and not through me but you alone, I accept your truth with a pact of passion.

There are those who dont exist, then there is us.  In fact we do not exist within, but only in the manifests of God.  We are the dead, given vessels of life, a gift from the Eternal.  And outside of us there is another Infinity of non-existant beings, potential essenses, spectators of the unknown, they lie in wait like corpses that were never awake, waiting to be risen.They come to us in vessels, more windows for us to see the wonders of Life, and its beauty we do not want to let it go.  But be not afraid, for it is who we are.  Then we realize that this unexistant, that is the greater part of us, the truth in us, is also part of Life.  As we walk around this world, filled with little bits of the Unknown, in Infinite amounts, the greater part of us, is evident everywhere and in everything.  Out of no where the One is born, covered in His own essence.  He has allowed us to see into Himself, the Action, and it is up to Him, whether we are allowed to keep a window... or become Alive.

The book talks about the rules that we have for ourselves recorded in our parent ego.  That these rules were important to us as children because we didnt know better about the world to make a judement by ourselves.  So instead of hearing, “the stove is too hot for your skin’s comfort” we only hear, “dont touch the stove”.  But “dont touch the stove” doesnt tell us how its hot and how hot can be good and its not always bad.  But we judge things as eternal, we always think that touching the stove is bad, no matter what.  But its not bad to touch the stove, its not even bad to get burnt, one should say, “If you touch the stove you are going to get burned, and i dont think you want that.”  But they are left blind, and when they wonder “why not”, they are told not to ask.  Then when they test it out, they feel extreme sensations that leave them stunned, if it wasnt for the past remark against the sensation, they may wonder about it and learn to live with such an amazing potential.  But they think its something that should be avoided at all costs.  They think it is forbidden, and because they have been warned against it, while being left blind about it, they learn to follow the words of others blindly, without testing for themselves the goodness or the badness of each situation.  And so they fear whatever others have not said that is okay to touch, and so we fear the unknown.  Because we have made for ourselves idols out of the things of the earth, we have put our trust in the words of men, we keep ourselves from living, from learning, we fear.

But where does fear come from? Or how do we learn to reject? Is it really in our nature to avoid pain?

We should be free, when we stare at a person, and they look, not to look away, but to smile, to walk up and talk to them.  But we are afraid, because we think there is something wrong with looking, and the other person thinks there is something wrong, so you dont look anymore.  That approach is out of the question.  Like when I was traumatized by that girl, that got all disgusted because a drop of my sweat landed on her leg.  What was I suppose to do? How was I not suppose to fear?  How was I suppose to accept? How was I suppose to not reject? To believe that nothing was wrong? That it was okay to stay away? when they clearly told me to leave, please.  How was I suppose to open my mind to understand their intention, if they did not allow me to understand?  Because of their desire... her desire was to not be touched by other’s sweat... what was I suppose to do? Even if her desire was for me to stay away, I could also understand, because I have a desire to stay here.  So if I never had a problem with her telling me to stay away, then I wouldnt be able to sympathize, but I wouldnt need to, I would jusst be free.  The opportunity for redemption lies in the sin itself.  By sin we die, but from death Life calls us to understand, to come back, Life is never out of our reach, unless... maybe something to do with hell and the final judgement.  The reason why we are able to redeem ourselves from this state is because we sin, the grace of God.  Because I fear this, because I have a desire, I have fallen,but because of this desire I can sympathize to understand, and this is what I should have done.  “I want to be her friend, but she doesn’t like my sweat, and I am always sweaty, she wouldn’t allow me to be around her.  “And that is what traumatized me, from here things branched out, that there were people like her that wanted me to not be.  Some people dont like sweat, I should stay away from them, some people dont like curly hair, stay away from them, some people dont like brown eyes, stay away form them, and little by little I feel I should stay away from everyone, like if I should not exist.  To not bother anyone (this is the new gospel), I felt like if this was my purpose in life, to not exist, because of these people that dont want me to exist, to stay in a little box somewhere and let no one see me ever.  But if this was my purpose in life, wouldnt it be the Eternal destiny of all? So that in the end, nothing belongs to exist? (this is the new gospel), because everything is a nuissance for someone in the world, so the best is for no one or nothing to exist, this is the result of hate, the people that hate the world, cause it to die, they discourage it from existing, they even discourage themselves from living (suicide).  But worthy is the one who stands up against all this discouragement that it is buried so deeply and neatly underneath the face, that it seems natural, that has even been part of our lives since a little bit after the creation.Worthy is the tree that does not wither when hate is around, but our minds even have such power to destroy  even things without a mind.  And this is the new gospel, that we must go against this discouragement, this death that is in our nature, to go towards all that fears us, and to not fear anything.  There are  those who do not want curly hair to exist, and for them should I be considerate and stay hidden away? Or should I straighten my hair as if its not part of me, as if it never was?  Should I wear a mask of vanity to hide away my nature?  (this is the culture we live in)  Should I lie to the world? Should I disrespect Truth and keep everyone from knowing about its dominion?  Should I proclaim and enthrone a lie (that there is no such thing as hair that curls)?  Existence has made it this way! By His Authority, the only Real Authority, I will be.  I will not hide, I will not die for you, I will not straighten my hair, I will not be ashamed of my nature, I will not wear make up, in fact I will do everything I can to exist.  You can tell the flame to go away, you can tell God Himself to die, but it is you who needs to understand, to become alive.  If you hate the world, you can make it go away by killing yourself; only by Loving it will you be allowed to be here.  Do not feel ashamed, do not feel rejected, when the people that call themselves “chosen” reject you, it is not you who is doing the rejection, it is not you who is working against the purpose of Life.  The true saints are those who Love, and they await your understanding, never fear, never feel ashamed, never feel helpless unloved and unwanted, the True Saint has even died for you, for all of you curly hair people, the One who brought you into existence did so because he wants you to exist, the One who brought you into existence proved His desire for you to live by dying for you.  God himself and those who side with him, the saints who love, these are the ones who Love you, who pray for you to exist,  for all of you curly haired people, they love your freckles, God does not reject you because you are sweaty all the time, He thinks thats perfectly healthy.  There are girls that just love your sweaty body, who love your awkwardness and your expression.  They are waiting for you to not fear a thing, to not fear, for you to not reject a thing of existence.  They are waiting for you to leave rejection, because once you leave rejection you will be free, you will live fully for all to see, and not be concerned about those who say that you are just trying to get attention.  You will be seen by all, you will exist for all, and those who love, will love you for it, and He who Loves, will Love you for it.  Just dont die, do not agree with those who reject, but love instead.  You do not have to love to be loved back, but you must love to realize that love really does exist, and that there exist a love for you to stay alive, for you to exist.Love and you will Live.

December 30, 2009

As I was taking a shower right now, 3:52 AM, a hot shower, unusual to me because I prefer the cold,  I decided that this cold all over my body, I couldnt relax with it, I needed the warmth, I needed the heat, to be comfortable, for once, and focus on something, or do whatever, and also so that the cold could feel good again, and wear socks over again. 

I was thinking of what maybe this girl had been told, a make belief scenerio: who would take over the youth class now that I was gone? This girl had told me that she couldnt because of something she had done they wouldnt allow her to take that place.  And I thought, what could they hae told her? Said: you can take this position if you just dont do this.. like controlling her, it seemed like a good I idea to her, like they were thinking the best for her, and they seem to be people of God, so she accepted; with the conditions that were considered, by them she was bound.  And then they come to me and tell me that I should change the way I think, I never follow people, I follow my God, if they want me to give up my God, I tell them no, sorry, the way I drive my life, my beliefs on right and wrong... I say goodbye.  she sees me walk, someone that she thought as righteous, an example, is now walking out from what she considers to be the people of God.  Out of all the possible reactions, she is amazed by my action, it makes her wonder, why would such a good person, such an example, ever leave,  did he lose himself, has he gone nuts? Or is it there something here, that I must question as well?

So out of this scenerio, I bring my focus on the possibility off me disappointing, I dont like to disappoint others, if I was concerned about disappointing her I would have stayed, and never to show such a dazzling example of action, “to follow God, rather than its image.”  So with this scenerio I give myself the permission to use that same feeling, of being free to disappoint, by following myself, my own True God.  I should not be bound by the conditions and rules set by men.  What about conditions I agree to? What about money and debts?  I am indebted to NO ONE..  I am free and myself, I bear no fault, if I am hired to do a job, if I am given a gift with conditions,  I am entrusted with a certain responsibility; but I am not the one doing the trrusting, it is not my fault if that trust is misplaced.  They say that they saw something in me that made me trustworthy, they say that they have these expectations of me, I say, “well if you trust me, then I guess you trust me; but that doesn’t mean that I do not have a mind of my own, it doesn’t mean I can’t fail, in the end, who doesn’t.”  And people should no this about life and the world, if they are not used to being disappointed, I am not responsible for their negative emotions.  You are the one that keeps putting me in a box, keep trying to categorize me, they judge me, as trustworthy, as same minded, as alike to them.  You should not have made that judgement, you should not have put me in a box; if I fail, then I guess you should not have trusted me.  As long as you keep trying to categorize things in life, as long as you keep thinking that you know something, as long as you keep trusting corruptible things, as long as you keep putting your faith in men, you will end up disappointed.  I will be considerate of your well being, as much as I am about my own, I will try my best, but if in the end, the scale tips over, and its just not worth it, dont expect me to die for an earthly promise, such sacred tie is only an illusion in this world.  I have my own laws, you can be sure that I will be considerate to that extent.  I have my own God, which is the most high God, you can be sure that I will follow only Him.

This gives me freedom, and allows me to not be afraid to break the rules, to not live by other’s laws, to not be afraid or concerned about little things that people consider a big deal.  To each his own... I want to be free, I feel so much burden on me because I am trying to keep everything straight, because I am trying to make ssur that I meet everyone’s expectations, to not disappoint, to not make them feel bad, but I only follow God.  The only reason why I would give myself up to others like this is because, I want something from them.  When I make an agreement to conditions, it is because I need something that only they can give me, and so I bind myself to them because I feel like I need them, but I just need to realize that I dont need anything, or anyone.  I could die right now and it wouldnt matter.  They could kill me, I could go to hell, and that will be that, but I do not want to give myself up to others, not to any man.  My only need, my only love, is my God.I need nothing from anyone else, there is no reason why I should be living under anybody elses laws.

So thinking about this, the reason why I ever feel bad is because I keep trying to box life, because I keep trying to make my world inside it, because I want certain things to have a specific outcome.  I need to wake up and realize that Life is way more wonderful then anything I can picture.

And so now I feel like nothing I do is wrong, and I should think the same of other’s actions, and not be so uptight.

I put myself in awkward situations, I like the feeling, yes...  (now I am so used to it that I dont even feel awkward annymoer, seriously, there is nothing to worry about... I just dont)

I think what this does is that it doesn’t get you to an ascended state of perfection, where all your beliefs about the world are matching, but it takes away the fear ofacting by them, because you are what you are, you do what you believe is best, and no one elses beliefs affect yours, because you enter into contract with no one else.  Even though externally you do, with this you recognize that in reality you always have control.

Just like my mantra “everythings is alright” (and all these people [you included] are overeacting), it says that all of our beliefs about the world are malchosen, so it doesnt matter what oe thins is good or bad, or better or worst, or honorable or dishonorable.  This is what we agree on, nothing, and is somehting we can all agree on.  And it doesnt matter what anyonee thinks is going on, worst shit happens all the time, worst inevitable shit that no one knows how to control, who is taking care of the millions of people that die everyday? People like to blame people, but while they are busy trying to keep track who to trust and who to gossip, there is this unknown force making horrible record breaking havoc.

Now being in my house,figuring these things out over the break, makes it hard for me to initiate them because home is usually the exception for expressing myself... the may be my playground, but with my family, I am not in the world... thats because they are so judgemental (it shouldnt matter), its because I have been hiding from them as a project (and the project is over, you WON)... its because I dont see they expect me to sit and stay (they so wont understand), its because my family is not part of the world (oh but they are, and you still belong to no one, not even your family, isnt that what your always trying to prove? Well treat them like the rest of the earth then..)

I think that to think about, to figure out what you believe all you need to do is describe somehting, give it a name compare it, describe it describe it, in another way with different tools, in different aspects, then it will come out.  Your new reaction to it, will depend on its description, onn everything you have said, and everything you have forgotten.

A girl, a memeber of the opposite sex, how are they different? What is it about them? what are they? They are beautiful, they are the same as a member of the human species.  They can not be much different than men, they are basically the same, when I see a girl I see a human being just like all others, like when I see a baby, I judge it not, it is nothing but a contemplative unit, a living being, with potential to accomplish its purpose.  But they are the same as all others, they are the same as me, they have the same body, the same structure, the same emotions, no reason why I shouldnt understand them, they are human beings.  The reason why they act so different is because of the media influences, many people go by them and become concerned and call something “unnatural” when it doesnt match its description (just any idea of “how its suppose to be”), if its not how its suppose to be, then there is something wrong with it.  If a girl is sexual, there is something worng with her, if an old guy is a pedophile then he is demented, if a person is attracted to the same sex, he has a disease.  Just because something is the majority it doesnt mean that thats the way its suppose to be.  It may mean that its worst, because thats what is easier to succumb to.  But many people are influenced by it, they think that there is a “natural” way that human beings are suppose to be and act, and so they reject the idea that we are all different, and that different is the way we are suppose to be.  Legitimate, authentic, without lies, without trying to match with what is considered “better”. Because you are the better, whatever is inside you, is the best.  When I see a girl, thats what I want to see, a human being, just like me.  I think the reason why I treat girls different than guys is because Im not allowed to kiss guys,  and Im not allowed to have certain emotions towards them, so I tend to leave them on their own (hm, poor guys, they probably think I have a problem with them).

So there are emotions, and meanings, that all men are sensitive to.  Some of them feel like cameras, and so you say... well how did people in the past feel this, if there was no camera’s back then?  There is no way they could have known what we know now.  But the truth is that we only associate that feeling with cameras because something or someone else has already given us that association.  The meanings are universal, to all humans ever lived, the symbols used to describe them are typically obtained from whats at hand.  So when I got the gilmore girls world, I was using the term “gilmore girls” to describe it, but before I constructed that symbol I described it as someone watching me from somewhere that I couldnt look into, and they were not laughing but always expecting to do something funny so that they could laugh, but before that I describe it as “stale peanutbutter walls with a little punk, and an auratic pinch of green, so that its only there spiritually.”  Now this feeling has nothing to do with gilmore girls, I am only stating the things that have made me feel this way before, the symbols that I have associated with this meaning.  So does this mean that all of our points of view between each human being are different and there is no way to connect with others?  No with the innovation of language we can communicate certain things, there are ways to transfer meaning, and reactions to  check if a desired meaning was transferred.  Thats why there is music and jokes and movies, stories to attempt to convey a certain emotion, but to do this, you have to make sure that each element symbol you use carries the same meaning between  the two parties (it is not so hard to do as it sounds, human beings have ways to sympathize with their kind through ways that are automatic and therefore usually unrecognized; sunconscious messages sent subconsciously, they know we are upset, though we have said nothing and they have heard nothing, and seen nothing, but the just know, not just facial shapes but movement, body discharges its inner meaning automatically, we cannot hide anything, but most of us are blind to these things, and these properties of the human body’s way that say everything are usually ignored because of how the subject lies about them.  or the disassociation that is made when the subject is brought up.

When someone gets angry, it is because they think something is wrong, it is not my job to agree and tell them that something is wrong (by me getting angry back at them),  or maybe I think its wrong that they are angry, so thats why I get angry.  So I think its wrong to be angry at someone who doesnt know whats wrong so I do it back (so that they catch my drift and I prove my point) but they dont because they are already concerned about something else.  Okay, so instead of getting angry, because I think that something is wrong... I can figure out if something really is wrong, by not reacting, and by asking questions, then if there is really something I dont like, I can communicate it with words.  But usually there is urgence when someone else is angry so that your point will have to wait, so instead of getting angry back and making a mess, by exposing another thing that may be wrong, you take one step at a time, and you ask, “is something wrong?”

Fear: something is wrong and it may become permanent (therefore: presence of anticipation)

Anger: something is wrong and I must get rid of it (therefore there is a presence of force)

Sadness: something is wrong and there is nothing I can do about it (therefore feeling of despair)

Ok so for the last couple of days I have been reading “how to communicate” again, and it doesnt have the same effect on me it had before because now I question what I am reading with the things I have figured out haha!! No brainwash for me.

Application

File Location:  My Words/Completion (What we know)\Achieving Awareness\Methodology\Explore/Application

And I have not figured it out,and I think why am I not focusing on it? because Im busy being alive and doing everyday stuff.. then I think, well that shouldnt get in the way... the onyl reasn it does get in the way is because what I think is not part of my life, and that is a problem.  Application is an important part of exploration (and of philosphy for that matter, there are those who think that philosophy has nothing to do with real life, I say if it doesnt then it isnt really philosophy, and its a waste of time just like med ed and science.  Si how does one apply? The meanings that they constantly get from the world, mmost obviously in form of text, they must see how it plays into their everyday lives, their immediate surroundings, the far away, the unknown, and everything we consider, and consider part of existence.

Only then will you be able to see the different worlds through the perspectives of different meanings, just as everyone does.

December 29, 2009

...video games...

Living in the present works like this that instead of focusing and worrying about the future and what you have done and how everything will turn out after so many and kinds of attempts that you will never be able to predict, you think, so what can I do about it ‘right now’, and what you can do about it ‘now’ (not later, because you are not focusing on plans and whether they are going to work or not), its not planning, its acting ‘now’ to put everything in place.  When you get in this state of mind, you realize that there is no other way to get things done, I mean, we live in the present, this is the only place where we exercise power, in the present, so lets do things that involve the ‘now’ now, and the ‘now’ that will be.

One thing that dissappoints me  because I did not come up with it, but read it in a book, and now I am trying to understand how I would have derived it, and what I need to fix in myself to be able to derive such things that were this much out of sight..

In the book it says, -Empathy, to not judge others, you just have to realize that everyone is trying to survive-  This openned my mind so much, now I just have to say this whenever I feel someonedoes something against me, EVEN if they intend to harm me... it is not their fault, they are just trying to survive.  With this phrase, their attacks are not personal, they have nothing personal against me (even if they think they do), its that there is something wrong with me, its that they are trying to accomplish something.  Something I would gladly help them with if it meant building them up, or even if its just a favor, go ahead and mock me, doesnt it feel good?  And the way I live for others, I could just see it as more of my service towards them.  They dont realize that I am giving them a gift, but thats all right, I just want them to be happy (hmm, maybe not, I usually have a problem with not getting credit for what I have done, but maybe its just because it involve the intentions of others, which if I disregard, it will not be a problem either).

Ok so how would I have ever come up with this? 

This is very similar to my idea that every one, no matter who is right or wrong, open or stubborn, is trying to get a hold of Truth, this is why there are so many arguments and idea wars.  Religion and science, each thinks the other is stupid, but each one is only trying to get a hold of truth.

I think the reason why I didnt connect this with interpersonal matters is because, I didnt see how someone spreading gossip about me, related to, the search for Ultimate Truth. Mhm,

I guess I also have a problem holding on to my assumption that all people, since they have similar minds, are the same.  The reason for this is because I must stay open to the possibility of each person being completely different then every other human being and there is no way for me to understand them. 

Because of this difficulty I also have trouble using empathy to be able to connect with the goals of others (unless of course I have experienced them before).  But I shouldnt need the experience of their specific situation and status because behind it all there is the fact that lies within every other living being; something that every other one who is alive can relate to, “we all want”.  Even if we are trying to not want, we want to not want, even if we dont want, the reason we stay  in that state, is because we want to stay not wanting, if we didnt want to stay not wanting then we would want to want, and therefore want. Ok even if I am wrong in this sense (I have an idea of how someone would prove me wrong in this argument), the point is, anybody that has ever wanted should be able to relate with someone that wants.  And this connection is all you need, to empathize.  If you have ever wanted something, you can see that moment of desire through the perspectives that surround the situation of the action of all the other intentions of other people  (the only reason why someone would have an intention is because they want  a certain outcome, which is the definition of an intention? I intend to... my goal is to... my aim is... my desire is... even if their goal is not what they want personally [as in the case of a blackmail] the fact that they are still going for it shows they are using their actions as a means to something, nevertheless, the fact that they are aiming at it, reflects desire for the outcome).

So when someone intends anything I can relate to them, when someone has a problem giving up a desire, I can also relate to them. because even if I had never had a problem giving up a desire, they desire the desire, and I have desired before, so I can still relate to them.  wow, could it be that the reason why addictions are so hard to overcome is because, one desires the desire of the desire of the desire...  and all this time they are trying to give up the base desire but they cant because they havent given up the desire for the desire for the desire for it.  and so the addiction is so hard to get over, because they must be able to pinpoint the end of this chain, and begin there.  The desire of a desire can be satisfied by satisfying the desire to obtain the an end to the desire of the desire, to have a reason to give up the deisre of the desire, if its not satisfied then you keep wanting to hold on to the desire, this is why its so hard to let go of it and focus on something else, because you want to hold on to the desire. Once you satisfy your base desire, there is no way to get it back, so your second desire gives up and lets go, without a trace.

A less “chainy sounding” way to say is that, not only do you want a cupcake, but you also want the craving levied in this specific way... so not only do I crave the cupcake, but I also crave my satisfaction.  Not only do I crave the cupcake, but I also crave eating it (instead of getting rid of the urge by looking the other way). Sometimes you crave eating it, even if you dont crave it, so that you eat it without enjoying it, this would be desiring the desire foor the cupcake without desiring the cupcake.  Why would this happen?  Why do we fall so many times if we dont even want the object but we only want the desire for it.  Because we dont realize that we dont want it, and that we only want the desire for it, and if we do, we still cant think of it in a way to find it in order to tap it.

This is the reason why so many people overeat, they are concerned about food, the are addicted to the desire for food.  I want to want it.. no, I dont want to want it.. well if you dont want to want it why do you keep on wanting it?.. hm, maybe its because I want something else that it holds.

Do you ever do stuff that you dont want to do? No you dont, the only way this would happen is that if you do an accident, and it wasnt what you intended, so that it happens without you knowing it was going to happen, (and even in this case there are factors of the subconcious that controls this space so deep down inside, everything that happens is a result of you intending it in some mental level or another).  If you “do something you dont want to do” in the sense that you are fighting against an urge, that urge that you fight a against, is a desire, the desire that wins over the other, is the one you wanted more.  Now how these urges “fight” against each other, may not be a matter of degree of the stronger desire, but maybe it can be thought of as a degree of the longer chain.  So that the thing that means more to you at the moment is the one you choose, (once one is satisfied the other is still there so that there is no way to satisfy it since the act is done, and now you can only regret because you want to want it and it cant be satisfied, so regret is the same as, not eating a cupcake, because you want a certain outcome, but you cannot get it anymore, and though, you still want it, so you “regret”).

Im gonna have to experiment this one out because its so confusing...

Experiment: I must ask myself, “do you want it?”

I must understand the question and answer honestly.

                I must aske myself, “do you want to want it?”

I must understand the question and answer frankly, from what I feel within (not just blurt out a wish)

                I must ask myself, “do you want to want to want it?

I must understand how deep this question is going, and get an answer from those depths.

Ok, back to the subject matter, “we all want” and this is all we need to empathize.  The reason why I get angry at other is because they have bad intentions, intentions to hurt others, unreasonable, inconsiderate, why the hell would they do somehting so stupid?  Have they no heart? Have they no sense of consideration? Of sense? 

So then I think I have to ask: have I? Or: Could I be doing the same?

And I should not just dismiss the question but look for a positive answer that says that I am indeed doing the same somehow.  Once I realize a way that I am being a stupid inconsiderate, with no sense of peace or no desire for reconciliation, then I would be able to relate to such a mindless and heartless subject and say, “forgive me God, I just didnt know what I was doing” and then say, “I forgive you, because you are doing the same, its ok that you dont change, just like I never changed about these things I did until now...”   So now your job is not to get back at a person that wronged you, but your job is to do with this subject as you would do with ANYBODY ELSE (there is no favoritism just because this guy is at your presence, but you realize that EVERYONE needs love.,.,.) and attempt to allow them to see.

                This method would still require alot of work than just saying, “they are just trying to survive.”  I think its because it involves relating to the specific situation instead of just focusing on the essence of an intention.  The only connection that I make when I say, “they are just trying to survive” is that, they want something (for some reason or another), just like I want something (for any reason or another).  I guess  it is because I am, in fact, concerned about the specific situation; to make sure that they do not have an intention against me,  or against anyone that I may want to stand up for.  I think its because I want to separate people, because of the prejudice I have and the hatred towards these certain types, because of my  conditional love I feel the need to separate into groups.  And because of this, I am concerned about their specific intention.

                Either that, or what I would have to do is use it so much that I would get tired of doing the whole relation thing and just say, I just know there is a way that I could relate to him.... no, this wouldnt work because I am not satisfied until I find something that I can compare with (hint: the desire).  And it just wouldnt come to mind.  I guess what I would have to do is compare: He wants this, and I want that (or else why would I be concerned about what he wants?) I think this is better, and he hasnt thought about it... *** (this is where I normally end) what I would have to ask now is: he hasnt thought about it, because he thinks he already knows, just like I think I have thought about it enough to think this is better, but in reality I dont even know if my desire (to stay alive) is more righteous than his desire (to kill me).  Alas! He wants something, and I want against it. I want something and he wants against it.  The trouble is only about desires, nothing else.  I cant blame him for wanting, just like I want something and go after it, he does the same, regardless of the reflection I have done about who I am hurting, these are the risks I must take in order to live, that with my existence, someone else is hurt, but I still act, because I know that someone else else, is satisfied.  And so this person that want to kill me (he may have not reflected that he is hurting me, he is just doing what he wants, without considering who I am, or that I may have better reason to live, but its the risks he takes by acting to make others happy, that makes me unhappy.  He takes the risk, just as I.

                I think the phrase that I would come up with is “everybody is just taking risks, playing the cards that they have, to try and win, just as I”

Still, how would this have come to mind?

I guess what I have to do is generalize the picture, so that I include an open situation, and try to figure it out.  Instead of figuring out how to deal with robbers, killers or black people, I imagine a scenario with a stranger, a blank stranger, and learn how to deal with him, taking into consideration that I am to him, as he is to me.  Now what would we reason or not? And this is difficult to do but maybe its just  because i dont know how to do it... I think Ill sleep on this one.

And I have not figured it out,and I think why am I not focusing on it? because Im busy being alive and doing everyday stuff.. then I think, well that shouldnt get in the way... the onyl reasn it does get in the way is because what I think is not part of my life, and that is a problem.  Application is an important part of exploration (and of philosphy for that matter, there are those who think that philosophy has nothing to do with real life, I say if it doesnt then it isnt really philosophy, and its a waste of time just like med ed and science.  Si how does one apply? The meanings that they constantly get from the world, mmost obviously in form of text, they must see how it plays into their everyday lives, their immediate surroundings, the far away, the unknown, and everything we consider, and consider part of existence.

And whenever there is a negative emotion, it never means there is something wrong, it just  means that there is something new to learn, another domain to explore, and it has nothing to do with the idea and the interpretation that you are holding on to.  So whenever there is a negative emotion, it is just an interpretation, and it should be changed, just like in your moments of happiness; you choose when you want to be happy and when you want to be sad and angry.s

And to come up with something like this, I would accomplish it, but I would have to take into consideration everything I have thought about already... and thats my problem... plainly put.

Simply said, it is not okay to have problems, if you have a problem with something, takecare of it, either one way or another, and if you cant, then its because you are holding on to it.  There is always a way, there are so many ways that you can even choose out of the many varieties of solutions.  Its impossible to collect them all, thats how many solutions there are.

Confess, confessions. Keeping confession in mind will keep you away from doing this. 
Scenerio:

He: I dont want to know?

She: do really not want to know?

He: yes, I dont need to know that, why would I need to know when you have your period?

She: well I was just thinking that there is a necessity of having conversation about our intimacies, with others sometimes

He: well yea, but there is specific people you do that with

She: and you are not one of them?

He: no, I got my own people, I dont need to talk to you about that kind of stuff

She: what about when those people leave you, what then?

He: well, then I will look for you, but until then, I really dont need to know about your private stuff.

Time later...

He: so I need to talk intimately with you now

She: *ignores

By her ignoring, she is trying to say something, she is trying to prove a point with her actions, she wants to express an idea.  Its not that she doesnt want to, its that she wants him to know that she is still hurt about what he said, and the way he thought of her.  She just wants to let him know something... But  she doesnt think about the point she is trying to make, all she thinks is: this guy is a jerk, im not gonna even try with him.  Or: how selfish of him, he deserves  to feel what he put me through.  But if we confess, OR ask why I think that “he deserves to feel what he put me through”.  We have a better chance at realizing our root concern about the situation.  And all we have to do is express it, and have confidence that we can teach them not by participating in the art of rejection, but by simply explaining it thoroughly.

December 27, 2009

There are two

From last night I was listening to music, and the way it sounded, it sounded like a different song all together, although I have heard it many times before but this time I was focusing on a different aspect of the song that made it feel new, but at the same time familiar?

The second thing is a method I call that its like living in the present... why this works and what it means.

This is what works i

December 25, 2009

SO this is how I am inspired, I was watching this movie with the waiters and they play a game that they show each other their balls and kick each others in the ass, and the actor is the one from van something vacation adventure I dont give a damn.. anyways, in one of the scene the waiter asks for orders and the customer says, “arent you writing this down?” and he says, that he has a good memory... so out of this scene I thought about how he did that, then I thought about how he decided that he didnt need to write things down anymore, so he wrote things down, and he moved down to dots and commas, simpller symbols that didnt take much hand moving.  And the benefit of this, I mean how does this make the mind work?

But these symbols must express the essence of the object, the subconscious aura it gives off.  Is this what the egyptian symbols are all about? If this is true, then if one can get into a state of mind I will be able to read all of this, and maybe how every language works, the reason why cultures come up with certian words is because there is some kind, any kind, of connecction, and if you can trace these back and forward according to the body movements and nature of expressions and accent of each language group and word, everything will come in synch with the present, the words you hear, and now, you understand russian.

So going back to how the work of the mind replaces the work of the symbols, the smaller the symbols the better, then only an action, then the intention of the action is enough, then instead of creating the world of reminder outside, the symbols that are memory, this world is now in your head, and you are better able to articulate the objects there, instead of dong math, you do sense... but then there is a danger of it going to deep and it becoming second nature so that you know the answer but you dont know why, kind of like intuitions and weird shit... (Hey is there a way to improve your intuition without putting it into your conscious mind?... the next paragraph may be about this/ maybe not.)  and this may imporve how real and comprehensive the world inside ones head is, so that whatever you imagine becomes real, and so that yourimagination and reality are in perfect synch, I would be living the dream.

And now I must go back and think about what spurred all of this, where did the value come in, what is original and what did I steal or use from the scene from that movie.

So I still have this problem I cant get my beliefs about girls straight, I love girls but I dont believe that girls love guys..  and there have been times where it looks like the problem is solved, but I just cant see it because of all the fucking times that everyone, and the so popular and well accepted belief that girls are asexual, I mean, wwhat the fuck is the deal with the encouragement of idea. Anyways, Ill fix it later, all I do is watch porn and think about girls all day, they are so distracting, and other than being horny I know its because I havent solved this about them.  Ok, So maybe the reason why I am thinking about this so much today is because I havent masturbated in a while.  Still, if it doesnt bother me like this, then I will go even longer without solving it and never exceeed who I am. Okso here I go,, wait a minute what the fuck none of this is real Im going by what I see on tv, and am always fuck, no hold on, my thoughts, ok here they go... so the chicks were talking about war in iraq because men were sexually oppressed and i thought, oh great more girls talking about complaining about how guys want sex all the time, ugh.  But then they said that it was because the women had to wear all that shit, and i thought, ok maybe the wish the women wore less so that men would calm down, hm that doesnt sound so selfish and feminist, or acting like women dont do anything dirty.  When I come to think of it, thats like guys talking about how girls are so stuck up that they need to get laid, and I say yes yes, ok thats good, but they oh my this is freaking so many thoughts Ive thought before I can wont believe, all this..  ok so all of this is pointless I realize but Im thinking abot this because I forgot my main concern about them, finding the right one, that energetic dont take no shit from anybody, understanding, all these cool characteristics that I always admire.. what does this all mean?  Ok the reason I think is why I am worried aboiut this is because I am not acting towards my goal, I am not who I want to be and I am not after what I want. I am after the wrong thing,, which is hwy I never meet the ones, or ever hear about or gett to this side of girls dammit, its ont the tip of my toungue, I am baout to reach it.  I think my goal discovery is that girls are just like guys.  I dont like the sexism the whole segregation of gender roles, its ridiculous, I want to treat girls like what they really are, they are people just like me, I dont want to try and get laid, I dont want to be sweet I just want them to chill and do weird stuff with them like if they were friends, normal friends. REALLY?!  But I am afraid that when I change into somethinng else, I will lose the old wonders... this is the miracle of change, accept it.  but maybe you dont even have to do that, still like, if I think that girls are same as guys, wont I lose my other belief that they are different unreachable, angels, and a miracle when you actually come into contact with them.  And none of  this would matter if I could get them both together by having the luxury of believing all of this and more at once, by not making myself any rules, just imply meaning behind meaning, seeing wonders within wonders, sisters and brothers, beauty and miracles. So how and what is this? Its the many opportunities of interpretation without limits.  I limit myself, by fear and Caution, I shouldnt do this, this is where prejudice comes from, by stopping at one, I must have more, I must have life, I must have wonder, I must have the comfort of my home by girls being just buddys like me, and i must have the wonder of reaching them, AMEN! Amen, amen.

Ok so is this really the problem? No the problem is remembering that this is the problem.  And here is the memory thing.. back to the foundations,

So what do I have to do, what are the steps here?  You are presented with a situation that you dont accept and you give it to God, you see it with new eyes and you love it, when you see something beautiful and you cant take your eyes off of it, there is a mystery that you need to resolve, not so that beauty will disappear, but so that you can accept the better wholesome beauty of Life.  SO you see someting beautiful, and yopu stare, you stare, you stare, and you wonder, you get it out somehow.

So I just finished watching the movie, and I conclude, that the only possible way that this lie can go so far is that if all girls have problems, my goodness, so much insecurity this gender role thing gives off, but then again, its not so usual being Jimmy.  I guess its not that all girls have problems, its that people have problems, I have less... or at least I try to work against all this bullshit like not other “apparently”, only apparently.  I just wished it was all sorted out so that I can enjoy life with good music, and no distractions... and I bet this is possible if I could just get the right state of mind.. but how.

So I am thinking, about how I want to be all of thhese interpretations for others but everyone will only see one, me.  SO I think wouldnt it be great if other people saw, and appreciated the many interpretations that I want to present? Wouldnt it be wonderful if they wanted that, if that was what people naturally wanted?  And I thought maybe it is what they want.. and now I think about it and I think that is kind of right since people want new, and meaning and more comprehensive interpretation.  So going by the rule that rule that everyone searches for meaning, and taking into consideration the importance of acceptance (which is what I must figure out the nature of acceptance), the conclusion that I am getting is that people, as they search for meaning, their sole desire is to accept they would be happier, they would appreciate more, fear little, and get angry less, if they just understood and accepted, this is what people are after, and this, feels so close that it turns me on.

So what is the nature of acceptance... whoa baby!  It feels so right!

Acceptance is

Things that you accept exist,

If you dont look for them they wont exist to you,

People want to understand, show them that they understand, and they will feel good, show them that they understand ... when they get angry at someone for not understanding it is actually that they fear, that they do not understand, they do not want that to be true so they blame others..

Things that you show your acceptance for will exist more... So there are two things, that I symmbol out acceptance, and seek it, and for this you need love. Love the Truth.

Or I think, that in ohter words, its like this, that people want to understand, or people dont want to be wrong, and I should show them that they really dont have to be wrong to accept something, they dont have to reject somethinng they hold, they do not have to feel rejected (I dont know, what is the nature of being wrong).  So people dont want to be wrong, they do not want to reject what they have believed, and they dont have to be wrong, beecause... everything has a place to be accepted.

Symbols,lead the direction of your thouhgts, symbols comme and many forms, music, words, anything that has a connection, that has a meaning, and with so many factors in commercials, its hard to bring in your own  interpretation, but with the volume off, there are many more opportunitirs

December 24, 2009

This is a doctrine that says that we can do anything, since we should not be afraid, sometimes we think that when we are not afraid we may do something wrong, but it is our fear that keeps us from doing the best, when we think something is best, there is always better, but we cant think of anything else, because we do not let go, because we care, because we have a goal and a will of our own that we have not given up to the Lord, because we have laws that we insist that God should work through.  But letting go is hard, I know this, so how do we let go? We just chill.

Now I want, my goodness, I have no idea where I am, I feel like I am not suppose to be alive, I feel like, cuz the worst thing that can happen is that I die, so I shouldnt be afraid, but I still have no motivation, I think its because I am still afraid so my blocks make it fell as if there is nothing to come out but really its that I am not letting it out.  Like if I am alive, and its a blessing, but so what.  If I was not here everyhting would be the same, I have no purpose here.  But I know for a fact that the reason I am here is my opportunity for great things, but why? Why should I go in such direction?, it surely doesnt look like it because there is many people that are in the same place and I dont see anybody else do anything, so why me?  But the reason why I dont see anyone else is because they are asking themselves the same question.

So my question is... okay, how do I start?  And when I think of this question,it makes me wanna pee, I’ll be back.

We must learn to accept ourselves, not be proud of who we are or what we have, because when we are proud of who we are, we become afraid to let go.  We say we dont know how to swim, but we are afraid to learn because it will change who we are.  We are proud of our faults to the point that we think they are part of us, that they are in our genes, that God has willed it so, but our plans. Or the plans that Truth has for us, isnt always... is NEVER what we think.

Its like when  thought I had ascended because I felt like I had no soul, I feel the same way, because I cant feel anything, but I did it in a different way so that even though its the same feeling s before, I still believe it must be not.  So if its the same, maybe I am just concerned about something, something I thought I let go, but its still there, till hidden, and it happened behind my back, so that I dont know what it is, and now I cant identify it. since everything is as good as the other, I have no sense of whats good and whats better, no sense of beauty in the new (in life?, since life is the new...)  So this must be the opposite, I thought of this before, that ascension is not, being dead inside, so that I do not feel a thing, this is descension into not existing.  Ascending would be becoming alive, would be having passion for absolutely everything.  Would be seeing the new and wanting others to feel the same, but, I have my excuses at the moment, like how one shouldnt rape, to allow others to be happy, but of how others should rape, to allow others to be happy, they cancel, and I do nothing...   I think the correct answer is, they cancel, so I am free.

This feeling started when I thought about my niece had to be careful when she crossed the street so that she wouldnt get ran over, but if she was careful, that would be a rule, and if she wasnt she would die, and what good would it be living freely if you cant stay alive?  Then I thought, why would it matter to stay alive if I could have been dead millions of times before.  I feel like I am okay if things come along, but I feel no need to bring things on.

I think the things that torment me here, in my house in my family are inhibitions, I decide not to start here or there so I do not begin doing anything.  I decide not to start here or there because I dont think its allowed. And so my world is as closed as ever, because I do not believe there is anything, I am blind again, just like the times before, and this is exactly the correct opportunity, to observe how I open up.

Lets see, when I was afraid of chucky, and therefore dolls, the thing that allowed me to not be afraid was thinking that I could take him, down, or making love to them, or allowing them to kill me... why is it night time already?

I play video games to escape, because in them I can do things that I cant do i real life, but why is this?  Real life has way more pixels than any video game can accomplish, yet I feel more unable here, more bound down by rules.  If only I had the same ambition I have in video games, here.  We are all bound down by fear... what is about reality that once we meet a similar sceneraio we encounter a similar fear.  What is it about our imagination that it cant play out the same inhibitions we would have in reality.

Nevertheless, the reason why I feel like this is because I have lost sight of my purpose which is ti manifes the the essence of Life in my opportunity of existence.  But the ways are more than we think, when I see that the only wayy to express life is byu existing but this prejudice is only through my own eye, and in reality even the non-existent expresses Life, but now I think that this belief, this lie is the result of sin, anything that discourages action, anything that encourages rejection; these are the same, as they encourage death, and numbness, inaction rejection of the expression of the purpose of our birthing and our existence.  These are fears, sadness, closed mindedness, blindness to what is  obvious, lameness to better lands of dance, deafness to the new wonders of life, and muteness as not being able to let out those words that explain, the actions that express.  Now I want to live, how do I do this?

These are things to keep in mind, be glad of everything that happens because at least someone in this life will be satisfied because of it.  Be aware  of all these possible beings, do not close yourself from the possibilities, they are everywhere, but your disbelief makes htem invisible.  Do as you wish to be done.  Be true to yourself as you wish people were true to themselves, sometimes they act like everyone else  because they dont know any better, in times of blindness.  Oh have mercy. For they do not know better, they do not know what they do, how they reject the truth, how they keep themselves blind by running away from what they  are afraid, by not uncovering the veil of what they deny to be true.  By leaving beauty to be itself, instead of finding the reason in beauty.  What is the purpose of beauty? Is it the same as hate?  I have not figured this out either...  maybe its something that makes us live. Something that makes us alive again, something that lets us see that something in the world, somehting in life truly does have meaning, and therefore worth living for.  Hatred and fear on the other hand, are in themselves closedness, not being able to accept, rejecting to uncover the truth behind it, so it is the same reason why something remains beautiful, because of the truth that is not uncovered.  But we see that there is much more meaning than what we accomplish to see.  This is the meaning of life, everything I see and all of that which I do not see but that I aspire to.  Anger, is the rejection of this higher meaning, and sadness is the result of this rejection, to not accept the fact that failure can be beautiful, that being disgraced may be desireable, that everything in life even what horrifies us the most can be beautiful, that in reality we want to give up our virtue and honor, our lives to worship this Life that has granted us this gift, and that we live for; we fear the infinite meaning in life, and therefore we remain sad and feel empty when we find that what we have is not enough, but our fear still keeps us from accepting the new, the infinite, what comes.

So in this way, beauty and fear serve the same purpose; in the way that it makes us focus on a certain aspect, only one interpretation of the symbols presented.  If this is true then I should be able to find beauty in what I fear, and fear in what I see as beautiful,  they should present the same emotion... and here: when I fear something, the beautiful is that which I am not willing to let go of, my lust for the unholy, for the earthly belief, and pleasure.  When I feel something is beautiful, I focus on it because I fear that my interpretation of it will be something else, so I search for things that will reinforce what I already believe about it...  but I proclaim my desire, “prove me wrong, please, for the sake of my life, prove me wrong”  So what about the beauty in which I see more than the meaning...

Hold on I just saw them both, I switched from one to the other... right now as I am playing tea party with my niece she gave me a pink fork to stir my tea with, I stirred scratching on the sides, I felt good to do that; but then I thought, what if I didnt?  So I didnt and I felt like it was nothing, I considered it death, I considered this nothing, I considered it inaction, but then I thought to myself, is not this that I am suppose to feel, I am suppose to wonder about this new motion, that is not touching the walls of the cup with my fork.  Its not aobut rejecting the friction, its about accepting the fricitonless.  And this way, anything is perfect, and anyoine that wants to see beauty will see it, and they will reach the kingdom of heaven on earth, wiith the more they accept.  Its not “think happy thoughts” its, “think how happy of those thoughts you fear”

“You will be judged by your own measure” because those things that make you angry from others, will make you feel uneasy, guilty, and ashamed, when you do the same mistake, even the victim does not consider himself a victim.

Still, what makes things better than the good? How or why should we aim for higher and impressive goals... we shouldnt aim for higher and impressive goals for the goal itself but for its nature of it being higher and impressive.  Impressive its the word we use for those things that touch us with life, that inspire us towards the curiosity of meaning, the search for a better and more comprehensive, more understanding life.

So what do our emotions mean?  Each emotion, I pressume, has a certain connection with meaning.  Laughter, as I mentioned before, means that one is assimilating themselves to a new interpretation of the world, perhaps a world which they had not considered before, or one that has not been given to them the chance to fear.  Or, sometimes, in the case of nervous laughter, there is the natural aciton which means acceptance, but there is an inhibitor present, one that causes fear, and does not allow the transition to be completed...

And people are okay with this, because, for the typical society, rejection is an important part of morality; and they reject the fact they the very essence of rejection is what makes the nature of sin.

So whats the difference between rejecting the old and accepting the new?  It seems that with accepting everything is better, and you play the part better more in tune, even if your part is to act out death, the fact that you are not doing any form of rejection so that there is death within you, allows you to see the possibilities of life, allowing you freedom, instead of being bound to the death that you play.  Do not reject the old; accept the new, and accept what ever comes your way, accept the best towards inspiration.  The best towards the death of death, the rejection of rejection, which is full acceptance of all there, when no rejection is involved you are not allowed to reject. Reject nothing, and be careful that you do this, all you have to do is remain free, and let nothing bind you down.  Let no one be your master, except for the Eternal, and the Living that has allowed to exist for what there is existence.

And this may I say, that the 10 commandments are based on this, that the symbols that were presented with each trangression were a result of fear, of blindness, of obsession of such which is something other than life, of seeing no other alternative, of being less alive, of being deficient of Love.  Being deficient of the Love that results in the doors of heaven opening and pouring out the thoughts that are blessings in themselves, and that allows us to manifest blessings into our lives.

I feel there is something wrong in my reasoning.  So what about the person who wants to make others live by torturing them to death. And his intention is honest and good, but his method is faulty, can one tell him to reject his method? Can one tell him that he is doing wrong?  Or iss it our job to accept his method as life giving? If so, how?

Like the child that thinks not of the effectt of his free movement, his clumsiness, when being around things of value, and this is it.  The problem is that we place value on something of ours, something sinful, something corruptible,  when we place value on somehting that is corruptible we commit a sin, because first; we worship something that is not Life  itself, and second, because now we have given ourselves an opportunity to fear the end or “corruption” of this object.  So does this mean we should appreciate nothing?  It only means this because we fear accepting the fact that its a sin to place value on things that are corruptible...

If this is so, where did the 10 commandments go?

Should we be forced to be able to observe the physical signs of life, which would be binding us to a certain interpretation of the things that surround us?  This being the same as my situation, should I feel bad when I make others fear?  This seems confusing, it seems like a contradiction, the inspiration should come naturally, but if it doesn’t I’ll quote myself again, “its not about rejecting the old, its about accepting the new.”  Its about being able to let go, its about coming out of the closet, and realizing that the whole world is your abode, that you are a vagabond withing these walls, that all are your brothers, and everything that is done, is being done in the comfort of your own home, that it is all  within your realm of experience.  And this will naturally bring true justice, and true life.

So when do we have goals?  When we see something better... how do we choose our goals?  From what we see is best... what if we fail? It is impossible to fail, because whatever Life brings, God is aways Infinite, Truth is always True; and this is where I come to understand how it is good to say that one thing is as good as the rest, because for God, there is always a way.

It is not about what we can do or not, its about the presence of the emotion of rejection, and its minions.  We must feel to accept all even if we dont, because this is what is true, that just like the sky (and the rest of reality on the matter), it doesnt matter in which direction we look, there is Infinity ahead of us.  We must keep the feeling of acceptance that no matter what or how life presents itself, we are there to take it.