Im going crazy today, discovering, going through varieties and rushes of emotions Ive never felt before. I am in so many worlds, I am so many people. I was thinking the answer to life was infinite interpretations, so I felt every emotion I could possibly find and that was an interesting experience. I felt a sense of freedom seeping in, because I accepted that anything could happen, and there was nothing I could do about it, I dont want to try and control Reality, no, please just happen; bless me God, with complete Life.
I thought about a situation, where I felt that there was no way out, and when I was caught, I had gone insane with fear, like if I had seen a ghost, that is us everyday when we reject everything else that is happening in this life. I wondered what caused us to move into a different persona to be able to stay alive and cope with what we will not accept into our normal persona. I study how it would be to be in this spot: when I am in a spot where I feel like there is no evading the horror, I try to think of the possibilities and think about how I will deal with this inevitability, I mean, what else can I do? So I just move forward with it, instead of becoming paralyzed. Instead of sitting there in complete fright dreading the terrifying present, instead of being completely trapped and closed within this current event, I try to think of the outside world, and how it will change, and why it will bad and why may it be good. So maybe this is the answer, to think forward. When I woke up this afternoon, I was immersed in thought, as soon as I got out of bed, I headed for the laptop to turn the music on, and I felt my muses leaving me, not there, empty... why did this happen? I think its because I started thinking in terms of doing, I know what to expect, and I know the end of my actions, instead of terms of wondering. So I think that the difference between open and closed mind, is that when I think about what I already, and how things should go, I am not thinking about how it could be. When I think about what is known, I leave out anything that may be Unknown. And whatever I dont know, does not take part in my life, no surprises, the same everyday, strict given results. When I was a child, probably fourth grade I came up with “if you think what you know is interesting, just think about everything else that you do NOT know.”
Is this life really about trying to live the longest span of time?
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