I am looking at this girl in class, I did not sit close to her, I didnt really think about it but there were conflicting motivations, I wanted to sit closer because she is a girl, then I didnt want to get to close because it may make her uncomfortable. Now this doesnt happen too consciously, but even though it looks like I move with confidence, like I make sure decisions, there is hesitation on each side, pushing me both ways. Every person in this classroom, has their own laws, which conflict with each other resulting into their manifested fate. Every thing I do, I cant go back and correct, I cant pretend it never happened, it will certainly not be the same, but the many best is always at hand, by God’s mercy. Now that I didnt sit close to her, I want to makee up for it by looking, but I shouldnt feel obligated to do it, I should always just let it flow, then everyone else who does not do it either, may get jealous... is it my fault? Should I not show what I am? I am trying to be honest, but they give me these laws. Whenever I am afraid to do something I am pretending to be something I am not, I am hiding my intentions; I want to expose who I am but they tell me that I shouldnt exist.
The laws restrict, when they are enough of them (bindings), one is not able to move, in any direction, because of fear, because of the laws that should not be broken. Paralyzed by fear because of the unknown: In epistemology class the proff said that if we admitted to ourselves that we did not know anything, we would be left paralyzed, but this fear is not the result of not knowing, but the result of thinking that we know the result of acting in the unknown; but we shouldnt fear the unknown, we should be astonished, inspired by it; then we realize that the unknown is ever present, we are always acting in the unknown.
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