February 23, 2010

I was trying to hold myself up with the walls, I pushed my leg against the wall and believed that I could myself up with enough force if I just took off, and thinking about everything that is going on in the physical world, and all the quantum possibilities that bring forth the existence of force and all this, and all the seeming and contradictions it creates that cancels itself out into nothing, I think of how everything that I have thought about is all real and present, the laws of physics that we neglect, they are all here and working within this world.  Like in the double slit experiment, both of the controversial results are real, but the results depend on our attitude, we only see what we want to see, it is present everywhere but we only decide to notice it in these dark and mysterious corners where we have not yet made a decision on what to believe.  Once we settle a truth, the we reduce the mystery to one exclusive knowledge, stripping it of its infinite meaning.  But really, I believe that all these contradicting results are real even within the our little world, although we keep them from appearing once we give it a reason to not exist; we hold them down, but they are still present, as we walk around in the world, we notice bits of the Unknown in little places, those times when the laws of reality in our dreams seem to seep into our waking world.  While we are awake, we feel like we are dreaming as we witness certain spots that we have not yet conquered with sin.  It is because of the presence of these spots that do not yet trigger my mind with fear, these spots in my world, in my perception, and in my mind, that I have hope that one day I will come to understand and that others may have always understood.  That the waking world is much like dreams, except that our sense of fear is more pungent while we are awake, and because of this we reduce the Wonders of this Life to what we see everyday, this fear becomes so restricting to the point that we do not even allow ourselves to remember what we have dreamed.  Who knows the many wonders and truths that were given to us in this time of sleep, that are kept behind the veil of fear, in the realm of the forgotten.

So there, even if it is true that these who I witness now are all saved in truth, it is also true about their stories of salvation, just like mine.  And each one has his own of how they came to be, and it is true of everyone, except for God? Not God since He is all;  Or it must be true well God has his own to just like it is possible all these to be manifestations of God, my neighbor could be God himself, and he would have H/his own salvation story, which would be all, even mine, and so there is a sense in which I am God.  I look at myself in the mirror, and I greet the Great God Himself, I fall in love.

Thinking about my friend, how it was very natural for me to touch her in these places, and how she only thought it was awkward that I didnt think it was awkward,  I didnt think that she would even speak up about it, but she did.  Why did this happen if I  was completely accepting it?  There are things hidden deep within my mind that I have not accepted, though I may feel that I have.  If I can look at these, I will discover truths about the world.  I will be able to know things and control things, allow myself to flow with reality.  If I had accepted this, I would have known before hand what she would say.  Now that I remember, there was a lightest sense of fear; which I guess did not allow me to see, or did not allow me to completely immerse myself in my intended reality.

Absolutely everything is true; but with each declaration of truth, there is a declaration of falsity; unless the declaration contradicts itself.  Have I spoken truth with this?

I felt the angels, I felt their love, their hate, and everything, was Love, everything was Life, and my soul openned up, my world openned up to me, I could see the inside of everything, as my soul openned up to accept this new truth to me.