I just had a very strong dream about... HA! Nevermind, the problem was that I feared... oh. That again, I guess God decides if you get out of stuff al... something about the ten commandments... resisting temptation? Anyways, I’ll explain later, I got music class right now... but I’ll tell you this right now, even though I figured out how to do it, now its just a matter of doing it.
I woke up this afternoon, I was trying to remember a dream; all I remembered was some guy was soo wasted, his face was bleeding bruised and beaten all over his body. He wanted to say something about his head hurting but he said, “head is elkrinode” (subtitles were included). But that wasnt the relevant part of the dream. I prayed for it and it came to me 2 seconds into prayer. The relevant part was that, “I GOT LAID!!!” it was a peta girl or something that was nagging to me about because I was abusing my children pets like I want them to be raised, and I was like trying to flirt and said “maybe its because I need someone to care for me,” hinting that I wanted to boink her, she responded positively, so I thought... “this is very good for my ego,” but she also said, “but my dad is a butcher with a (some type of) knife and he will stab your heart” I said, “I dont care” and her dad came in a car, as if she had planned it all along, (this was not good for my ego). So then I felt helpless, I didnt even try to run away, her dad came with a oddly shaped spatula type knife, I was afraid of it being painful so I told him to do it slowly. So he punctured my chest little by little and said that it would take a while to get to my heart, I told him that I wanted it done faster, so he puntcured a little faster a little harder.
Clouded Reflections: Remembering this dream I was terrified, and asked myself if this was not the end of my attitude? The problem was that I feared, or maybe there is a reason why God tells us to stay away from certain things, because death would come to us, if we do these, even though we may think it safe? No, that cant be it, death comes to the innocent by surprise as well, so following the ten commandments would not guarantee you safety from horrors. Then I cleared my mind a little more and thought that there still must be a reason why the ten commandments were given. I only know to follow the ten commandments because Moses said that God said so, but how did Moses discover them? and why cant I do the same?
There are emotions, they dont make you do anything, they just are, you decide what you want to do with them, if you listen, God will show you the better way.
Do anything you want, and dont worry about having an excuse, they will make up their own for you, and dont worry about the excuses they make up, they wouldnt make up any other anyways.
All day since I woke up Ive been battling with this again... what happened? I thought I figured it out. Now I feel max shitty, I cant stand it. and so I am trying to figure it out again, what went wrong, maybe I just forgot what I am suppose to do.
If you drive yourself enough off the edge, until your feet leave the ground, you will be free again.
Casting your cares on God: I didnt know sacrificing could feel so good.
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