ME!: hekki
BUZZ!!!
annairaiscool: ialughakhf
annairaiscool: no!
annairaiscool: si!
annairaiscool: maybe?
ME!:
ME!: ???
annairaiscool: oh nada.. waht is hekki?
ME!: qarsyi
ME!: gekko
ME!: hello
ME!: typing in the dark
annairaiscool: hahahah
annairaiscool: oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh
ME!: wat u think it meant?
ME!: hickey?
annairaiscool: i dont even know...
annairaiscool: nah.. i thot you were just writing random things
annairaiscool: thats why i went like...
annairaiscool: laksjdhflkajhdg
ME!: yea?
annairaiscool: yea
ME!: oh
ME!: You got a little brown on your nose there sweetie
ME!:
ME!: y?
ME!: im horny
ME!: but me also got homework...
ME!: which should I do first?
annairaiscool: you should do your homework first
ME!: and then?
ME!:
ME!: I should sell
ME!: When your IQ reaches 50, you should sell!
annairaiscool: no
ME!: im srry,,
ME!: im doing it again
annairaiscool: doin what?
ME!:
annairaiscool: haha
ME!: you dont exiiiist...
annairaiscool: yes i do!
ME!: i want you to exist but im not lettin you
ME!: cuz im afraid of you???
ME!: WHY WOULD I BE AFRAID OF YOU?/
annairaiscool: idk?
ME!: i think its cuz yoou would be lying
ME!: or maybe cuz, i wold be stupid
ME!: idk
ME!: I bet yu are a really awesome person
ME!: i bet you are AMAZINGGGG!
ME!: i bet you would blow my mind
ME!: but you dont exist to me...
ME!: and I am also sorry
annairaiscool: why dont i exist?
annairaiscool: and why are you sorry?
ME!: the answer to both: because I only think you are what I think you are...
ME!: and im not really appreciating all those little details that mean life and eternal truth, that come from the little head, that seems small only because its so far away from mine... but that is no reason to ignore the wonder that comes from you
ME!: TEACH ME ANNIAIRA!!!
ME!: teach me your wayyssss!!!
annairaiscool: what ways?
ME!: woooww
ME!: yes just like that
ME!: TEAch me to Love you like you love...
annairaiscool: like i love?
ME!: dont hide from me, I will not get angry anymore...
ME!: I just want you to liiiiiiiveeee
ME!: why dont you live in here
ME!:
ME!: why dnot you dwell in my heart
ME!: why I am incomplete without you..
ME!: I am hopeless
ME!: I wish I loved you, but for some reason I am afraid
ME!: and I dont know how to trust you
ME!: I can only dream now
ME!: but the bliss of dreams is that they are incomplete
annairaiscool: wow.. i like the last line..
annairaiscool: but.. how can you be soo happy when you're dream is incomplete?!
ME!: exactly,
ME!: I am not really happy without you
ME!: please come back
ME!: somewhere in my mind, I left you behind
ME!: as with other corruptions that were manifested in my childhood
ME!: as I first began to live, as I slowly began to die
ME!: I locked you up...
ME!: this is a calling to my beloved
ME!: that whom I have feared... please come back to me
ME!: and torment me until I fall in love with you again
ME!: where are you Arianna?
ME!: I love you...
ME!: I want you to come out...
annairaiscool: fall inlove with me?? huh?
ME!: and not listen to me when I tell you to please hide again
ME!: but walk towards me softly (or as you would like)
ME!: to show me, how beautiful you truly are
ME!: so I can gaze upon you, and not have a choice but either to die
ME!: or to love you for what you are
ME!: help me God...
ME!: Arianna...
ME!: as your name flows from my breath, it is luxuriant with an eternal meaning, that would grant me the wish of every living being,,,
ME!: Arianna..
annairaiscool: whoa man..
ME!: your essence is truly ever-present, the truth that hides behind your facet, this mask I have made for you to wear... but truly, you are my deepest desire
ME!: and no where can I look, without seeing your face,
ME!: that face so soft and brilliant, that no angel can match
annairaiscool: is this from a book or something?
ME!: but though I see you everywhere, I close my eye, the one of my heart...
ME!: because I am corrupted, because I am a coward, I am afraid Arianna, I am sorry...
annairaiscool is typing a message.
annairaiscool: ?
ME!: when you asked me if it was from a book, it made me laugh a little.. and I lost focus
ME!: lol
ME!: I still love you tho
annairaiscool: ok.. ? haha. im still confused about everything haha.
ME!: Im going to nap a while...
ME!: but Ill try to dream with you...
ME!: please come into my dreams, ok?
annairaiscool: whoa! ok ok... you think its possible?... lets see if we can dream of eachother!! haha. i just wana see if it's possoble.
annairaiscool: *possible
annairaiscool: no?
annairaiscool: ..... fine!
annairaiscool: haha.
ME!: nooooo
ME!: please say yes
annairaiscool: yes
annairaiscool: lets try it out!!
ME!: I jus... yes
ME!: we will!
annairaiscool: ok
ME!: no doubt in my mind
ME!:
annairaiscool is typing a message.
annairaiscool: haha ok cool.
So I was taking a shower in the dark, I think it was a suite mate that turned the light off on me because she may not be used to having people going in to take a shower while she is doing her business, anyways, so I liked the experience, although I havent had the guts to do it before, but now I was like, more encouraged to do it. So I was taking a shower in the dark, “my eyes should have been accustommed by now, why cant I still see anything?” as soon as I asked that question, bloom, objects appeared, and so I wondered, how does this fucking work?! I even begin to see things in my eyes, those shapes and things of colors, my imagination, I loved it, but it doesnt happen automatically, sad. So then after a while when I was ready to get out, I shut the hot water and into the cold, and I resisted a while, but the times that I decided to accept it differently than what I was doing? Breathing heavy, tensing my muscles, but I just relaxed and also my breath, and it felt like another world, a long time in the shower like that reminded me of a time, it gave me a sensation from a time in which the world was what it was, and I feared none of it, no matter what it was, I could not judge right from wrong, what is mine from what is fleeting, so there was nothing I could fear, and now everything was more beautiful than I had paid attention to. This is how I experience a little bit of love, and I have described it as openning my eyes, because I feel how I notice more things. I have connected it so much with opening my eyes metaphor, that when I am having trouble summoning it when I want to it LITERALLY feels like I am blind, and it feels like I cant open my eyes... as I shut off the water the awkward rythm of the drippings kind of creeped me out, and “woke me up” (or better put, knocked me out), of my state gradually. “Why couldnt I accept the drippings the same way I accepted the cold? I guess cuz I connect the sound sense more with my ‘conscious state of mind’, unlike my feeling sense.”
I was concerned about somebody walking in and finally noticing that I was taking a shower in the dark, I told myself, maybe it already happened... it could be “one of those things where you either let it happen, or you dont let it happen because you want to know that it happens if it does.”
As I was walking here after class I was asking myself, about things happening because they are buried inside of you, but the only thing you have to do, is not face each one, but, build something that will face them as they come so that they seem to never happen, and thats enough to clean up your essence, because the reason that it is inside you even if it hasnt manifested itself in an outside event, is because the potential is still there, and even though, the chance has not come, it is bound to happen when the environment is right... but if you build something that takes care of it as they come, then there is no potential for it to manifest itself, not my altering the environment, but by altering yourself (and actually encouraging the environment to call up these situations from you so that what you have built will take care of them) but if there is no chance that it will happen then you have built something that takes care of it all... but the sad part is that how will you know that you have built the best? You can be in denial subconsciously, and this is scary.
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