June 22, 2011

I think I know why I feel insecure about continuing with this experiment.

Sometimes I feel like things are not working the way they are suppose to, like if I am missing something, or like it could be better if I figured out something else.  But the thing is that as soon as I feel these things it only means that I have strayed away from the desired mentality.  This is a reason not only to give up on trying to “make it better” but to ignore its seeming flaws.

Then I begin to think about the “undisciplined subconscious level” that I need to figure out.  And well, the least I can say is that, if this is just another thing I need to ignore, then I am not enlightened enough to know that I must not be concerned about it.  Even though, the mere fact that it concerns me should already tell me that it shouldn’t; I am just not willing to accept it yet, I guess.

I feel like I am surveying the world from the inside of a puzzle piece.

Doing things that don't come naturally,
may even be correctly labeled as desperate.