I think it was my hair that threw them off. He did say that he noticed… each side of my head has three braids, that makes six; and the curls at the bottom of my braids curl up into sixes.
The diagnosis came: they told me that they couldn’t cast it out, that it was a weak and coward spirit, because it wouldn’t tell them its name; it was a lying spirit.
He told me that I needed to get rid of my braids, that’s when he told me of what he thought it meant. The cool guy told him that he was over analyzing it, but I expressed agreement with the other guy, since I believe that these types of things can come out. Like I agreed with what a friend said, he said that “I use my braids to cover up my wisdom.” And this IS one of the reasons why I don’t like to look “normal”, because people will only give me a chance based on looks, and I don’t want people to be nice to me only because I look like them. I think it is pathetic when people judge me based on my outward appearance. So in this way, my braids do indeed reflect a weakness inside of me, a misleading (lying) spirit. A spirit skilled in lying, in fact; I don’t just use my hair to mislead people, but I do everything I can to give off a bad first impression. I am so skilled at it, that it even comes naturally. I only express the good things about me when I feel that the person is done insisting that I am a creep, and is ready to listen and speculate if there is anything good that may come out of me.
I do believe that this way of judging is a flaw inside of me. And that I should love my neighbor and be vulnerable to their prejudice, rather than incite them to attack my armor.
Conclusion:
Because of my conclusions about the mentality of accusation and the spirit of the “Accuser”; as the guy was telling me this I had the temptation to judge him in my mind and tell myself that his demon of premature accusation, and insistence on separating from my family (rather than incorporating them into the presence God), and his severe and unwelcoming approach to my problems, was worse than the little lying spirit inside of me. But I kept in mind that if I began to accuse him it would keep me from seeing the flaws in myself. I still allowed myself to take his criticism into consideration, without looking at his flaws. Just because he lacks skill in expression does not mean that I am perfect, and just because he may even be more of a sinner than I am does not mean he has no right to judge me (if anything it means that I should permit him to judge me and endure his accusation). And in fact, there is a sense in which all of his accusations are correct.
My diagnosis:
There is something wrong with me. There, very well, can be a coward spirit of lies, that is weak in strength but it is hard to catch. And you wouldn’t believe the lies it coerces me to believe. I don’t believe that I was possessed by a spirit at the moment they were praying for me; I believe this spirit constantly possesses me; this spirit that allowed me to allow them to believe that I was possessed (even though I wasn’t). This spirit is such a skilled liar that it even convinced me that I wasn’t possessed. Whether I wanted them to believe or not that I was possessed, whether I did it intentionally or accidentally, they ended up believing I was, and this is enough evidence that there is, in fact, something wrong with me. The cowardice hidden inside of me, everything about myself that I hate, that I wish I didn’t have, my hesitation to correct them, and my fear of disappointing them are all flaws inside of me that allowed this to happen. Don’t try to tell me that it is them with the flaws and that there will always be people that judge me no matter how righteous I am: the fact that I was not able to enlighten them about it, says that I am not at my prime, that I could do better, that all of this could have happened in a better way.
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