March 3, 2010

ME!: hekki

BUZZ!!!

annairaiscool: ialughakhf

annairaiscool: no!

annairaiscool: si!

annairaiscool: maybe?

ME!:

ME!: ???

annairaiscool: oh nada.. waht is hekki?

ME!: qarsyi

ME!: gekko

ME!: hello

ME!: typing in the dark

annairaiscool: hahahah

annairaiscool: oooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh

ME!: wat u think it meant?

ME!: hickey?

annairaiscool: i dont even know...

annairaiscool: nah.. i thot you were just writing random things

annairaiscool: thats why i went like...

annairaiscool: laksjdhflkajhdg

ME!: yea?

annairaiscool: yea

ME!: oh

ME!: You got a little brown on your nose there sweetie

ME!:

ME!: y?

ME!: im horny

ME!: but me also got homework...

ME!: which should I do first?

annairaiscool: you should do your homework first

ME!: and then?

ME!:

ME!: I should sell

ME!: When your IQ reaches 50, you should sell!

annairaiscool: no

ME!: im srry,,

ME!: im doing it again

annairaiscool: doin what?

ME!:

annairaiscool: haha

ME!: you dont exiiiist...

annairaiscool: yes i do!

ME!: i want you to exist but im not lettin you

ME!: cuz im afraid of you???

ME!: WHY WOULD I BE AFRAID OF YOU?/

annairaiscool: idk?

ME!: i think its cuz yoou would be lying

ME!: or maybe cuz, i wold be stupid

ME!: idk

ME!: I bet yu are a really awesome person

ME!: i bet you are AMAZINGGGG!

ME!: i bet you would blow my mind

ME!: but you dont exist to me...

ME!: and I am also sorry

annairaiscool: why dont i exist?

annairaiscool: and why are you sorry?

ME!: the answer to both: because I only think you are what I think you are...

ME!: and im not really appreciating all those little details that mean life and eternal truth, that come from the little head, that seems small only because its so far away from mine... but that is no reason to ignore the wonder that comes from you

ME!: TEACH ME ANNIAIRA!!!

ME!: teach me your wayyssss!!!

annairaiscool: what ways?

ME!: woooww

ME!: yes just like that

ME!: TEAch me to Love you like you love...

annairaiscool: like i love?

ME!: dont hide from me, I will not get angry anymore...

ME!: I just want you to liiiiiiiveeee

ME!: why dont you live in here

ME!:

ME!: why dnot you dwell in my heart

ME!: why I am incomplete without you..

ME!: I am hopeless

ME!: I wish I loved you, but for some reason I am afraid

ME!: and I dont know how to trust you

ME!: I can only dream now

ME!: but the bliss of dreams is that they are incomplete

annairaiscool: wow.. i like the last line..

annairaiscool: but.. how can you be soo happy when you're dream is incomplete?!

ME!: exactly,

ME!: I am not really happy without you

ME!: please come back

ME!: somewhere in my mind, I left you behind

ME!: as with other corruptions that were manifested in my childhood

ME!: as I first began to live, as I slowly began to die

ME!: I locked you up...

ME!: this is a calling to my beloved

ME!: that whom I have feared... please come back to me

ME!: and torment me until I fall in love with you again

ME!: where are you Arianna?

ME!: I love you...

ME!: I want you to come out...

annairaiscool: fall inlove with me?? huh?

ME!: and not listen to me when I tell you to please hide again

ME!: but walk towards me softly (or as you would like)

ME!: to show me, how beautiful you truly are

ME!: so I can gaze upon you, and not have a choice but either to die

ME!: or to love you for what you are

ME!: help me God...

ME!: Arianna...

ME!: as your name flows from my breath, it is luxuriant with an eternal meaning, that would grant me the wish of every living being,,,

ME!: Arianna..

annairaiscool: whoa man..

ME!: your essence is truly ever-present, the truth that hides behind your facet, this mask I have made for you to wear... but truly, you are my deepest desire

ME!: and no where can I look, without seeing your face,

ME!: that face so soft and brilliant, that no angel can match

annairaiscool: is this from a book or something?

ME!: but though I see you everywhere, I close my eye, the one of my heart...

ME!: because I am corrupted, because I am a coward, I am afraid Arianna, I am sorry...

annairaiscool is typing a message.

annairaiscool: ?

ME!: when you asked me if it was from a book, it made me laugh a little.. and I lost focus

ME!: lol

ME!: I still love you tho

annairaiscool: ok.. ? haha. im still confused about everything haha.

ME!: Im going to nap a while...

ME!: but Ill try to dream with you...

ME!: please come into my dreams, ok?

annairaiscool: whoa! ok ok... you think its possible?... lets see if we can dream of eachother!! haha. i just wana see if it's possoble.

annairaiscool: *possible

annairaiscool: no?

annairaiscool: ..... fine!

annairaiscool: haha.

ME!: nooooo

ME!: please say yes

annairaiscool: yes

annairaiscool: lets try it out!!

ME!: I jus... yes

ME!: we will!

annairaiscool: ok

ME!: no doubt in my mind

ME!:

annairaiscool is typing a message.

annairaiscool: haha ok cool.

So I was taking a shower in the dark, I think it was a suite mate that turned the light off on me because she may not be used to having people going in to take a shower while she is doing her business, anyways, so I liked the experience, although I havent had the guts to do it before, but now I was like, more encouraged to do it.  So I was taking a shower in the dark, “my eyes should have been accustommed by now, why cant I still see anything?” as soon as I asked that question, bloom, objects appeared, and so I wondered, how does this fucking work?! I even begin to see things in my eyes, those shapes and things of colors, my imagination, I loved it, but it doesnt happen automatically, sad.  So then after a while when I was ready to get out, I shut the hot water and into the cold, and I resisted a while, but the times that I decided to accept it differently than what I was doing? Breathing heavy, tensing my muscles, but I just relaxed and also my breath, and it felt like another world, a long time in the shower like that reminded me of a time, it gave me a sensation from a time in which the world was what it was, and I feared none of it, no matter what it was, I could not judge right from wrong, what is mine from what is fleeting, so there was nothing I could fear, and now everything was more beautiful than I had paid attention to.  This is how I experience a little bit of love, and I have described it as openning my eyes, because I feel how I notice more things.  I have connected it so much with opening my eyes metaphor, that when I am having trouble summoning it when I want to it LITERALLY feels like I am blind, and it feels like I cant open my eyes...  as I shut off the water the awkward rythm of the drippings kind of creeped me out, and “woke me up” (or better put, knocked me out), of my state gradually.  “Why couldnt I accept the drippings the same way I accepted the cold?  I guess cuz I connect the sound sense more with my ‘conscious state of mind’, unlike my feeling sense.”

I was concerned about somebody walking in and finally noticing that I was taking a shower in the dark, I told myself, maybe it already happened... it could be “one of those things where you either let it happen, or you dont let it happen because you want to know that it happens if it does.”

As I was walking here after class I was asking myself, about things happening because they are buried inside of you, but the only thing you have to do, is not face each one, but, build something that will face them as they come so that they seem to never happen, and thats enough to clean up your essence, because the reason that it is inside you even if it hasnt manifested itself in an outside event, is because the potential is still there, and even though, the chance has not come, it is bound to happen when the environment is right... but if you build something that takes care of it as they come, then there is no potential for it to manifest itself, not my altering the environment, but by altering yourself (and actually encouraging the environment to call up these situations from you so that what you have built will take care of them) but if there is no chance that it will happen then you have built something that takes care of it all... but the sad part is that how will you know that you have built the best? You can be in denial subconsciously, and this is scary.

February 28, 2010

To bring something into being, is not about creating out of nothing, since one cannot have life on its own, but already has all, all you have to do which is the result of practice, is the perception and isolation of the desired outcome, you see how its possible, how its potential already exists.

Riding skaterboard (I left my music book at the GAC, no music homework tonight I guess), while riding I thought about why I felt no fear if the hw was due tommorrow, because I would plan to look for it and do it quick? Or maybe I would fail and nothing more? I didnt fear, I thought about the plans one has to woo a girl, they fear when they feel that they wont accomplish the goal, but God says, worry not, this is exactly how it is suppose to be, but we think that to accomplish something it must be done a certain way, if all of our actions have goals, what are we trying to accomplish at the end?   I was worried that I wouldnt get the girl, and I failed, but was getting the girl the way to accomplish my goal in life? It seemed so to me, to be the only way, but God says that there are infinite ways.

The goal will be a surprise to us, whatever comes at the end will have been our goal.

We are rejecting a world when it is falling apart, it falls apart because it doesnt go the way we thought it would, we worry about it not because we failed, but because we await a failure, I could have begun to fear when I realized that I was not going to be able to do m homework but I foresaw other options, or maybe not forsaw, but had faith on them at least.  It seems that every goal that we have is a means to a greater goal leading to our greatest goal, if our greatest goal is something corruptible, we will kill ourselves, if our greatest goal is unknown, I might be going somewhere with this.

I dont know if this is just a world or if its actually the Love I am looking for.

There is a difference between Love and laughter, I felt it: laughter is when you are not concerned about the range of outcome of something though the motions imply a certain outcome that does not get accomplished.  (It may be important to look at WHY its of no concern rather than realizing that there is still ranges that you are concerned about.)  Love does not involve surprises that makes us laugh, but Loving all possibilities as much as the other, because of how one gets rid of the expectations that are created by our conditioning to the laws of causality, there is no “implying motions” but every possibility is as expected as the other, and all are Loved fully and equally, unconditionally.  This takes, literally, letting go of our world.  And with Love everything is seen as a miracle, as it truly is.

February 27, 2010

Its not my own little world, its many, I go from one to the next, trying to figure out how to combine them all, in order to accomplish true freedom.  Exclusive desire, its a chain that binds us to one reality, one outcome.  I was sitting in the lounge with a slice of bread, ready to experiment.  I took a bite, paying attention to my exclusive desires, I wanted to chew it, what if I didnt? I chewed, my purpose is to accomplish feeling free to do absolutely anything, so I tested: I licked the bread inside of my mouth putting a piece of it at the tip of my toungue, to spit it out, I got myself ready to go to the trash, but I hesitated, I didnt want to spit out what I had already chewed, I gave it a purpose, I had a desire, a world, a rule on how this world should work, I want to let go.  In my mind, I felt motion, rearrangement, of the things that I considered, I created a fantasy, another world where what I would do was the more perfect outcome, I was now ready to spit it out, but I hesitated, again, not because I wanted to eat it, but because it was easy now, and now I feared eating it, I was following along with a plan again, it was a new rule of how the world should work, and I felt hesitation in not doing it, so I went back to wanting to eat it, it was an easy switch, since part of me wanted to eat it anyways; although I had to conflicting exclusive desires, this is farther from freedom than one alone.  I took another bite, I recognized that it was harder for me to spit out onto my shirt, instead of the trashcan.  But I considered, I felt the rearrangin in my thoughts. In a little more than the blink of an eye, in less than two, my new fantasy was created, and I was now ready to spit it out onto my shirt, but this new fantasy was also exclusive, I still felt the lighter, so soft, hesitation to eat the piece of bread that was still in my mouth.  I had not openned myself up, but merely traveled from one world to another.  Just another exclusive desire.  I thought of going over to my friend’s lounge, I rearranged, considered, but it took longer than two blinks of an eye, it probably took as long as a second, for me to feel safe to go there, the reason it took longer to create this fantasy was because of the amount of consequences that I had to consider for things to fall into place, to be back to normality, to be back at the state of my present moment.  These three things are about the ones that I need to let go of, that there is such thing as consequences, that there is a desired normality, and that I want things to be like they are in the present moment.

In thinking about these changes, I looked at my bag of bread, I felt the desire to take another piece, and so I smashed it twice with a fist, as I desired to pound it a third time I stopped myself holding my fist in the air, feeling its world, how it should work, it still had a fantasy, an exclusive desire to fulfill.  I went from desire to eat it, to desire to pound it to desire to leaving it alone, but all of these were exclusive.  My point is not to get rid of the desire, but to get rid of exclusivity, that which tells my mind that I would do nothing else but what I desire.  I move from one to another, I desire one thing or another, I could desire both things appart from each other, the kind of situations where one gets ripped apart in deliberating; but I want to desire but together, so that whatever comes, I feel no tragedy.

Observation: the “seriousness” that I feel for an outcome determines my closedness, just like when one has reached the last level of a video game, and it is not that difficult, but the fact that it is the last level, just raises the tension.  This is the unnecessary emotion that I am trying to get rid of, I think that this emotion is based on what you have placed value on that make you begin the act in the first place.  This does not mean that you are hopeless unless you destroy everything you have already begun, but you can still be willing to lose it all for nothing.

This one exclusive outcome in our mind has ranges within itself.  The typical person has already a wide range within their desired exclusive outcome, unless they are really picky.  But in fact it is possible to see Love within an exclusive desire, and I could probably use this.

What up foo you online?

[Killer>:-}

your name here says:

yea, Im writing diary, experimenting with myself

Q-Bert says:

Experimenting with yourself??

[Killer>:-}

your name here says:

yea, I need to learn how to Love

Q-Bert says:

What kind of love?

[Killer>:-}

your name here says:

a kind of Love that wakes you up, makes you more aware, makes you feel free and fearless...

Q-Bert says:

That kind.... I thought you had that kind of love already??

[Killer>:-}

your name here says:

lol, no, I only travel from one place to another, its weird, Love is suppose to open you up, but what I do is a just change..

like instead of turning my eyes and head to look at certain directions, I want to feel everything around me, all at the same time,

Q-Bert says:

Yea but only cuz you travel to one place and back doesn't mean its not Love. Theirs love everywhere  everything you have to do is open your eyes and look around

You don't have to travel to other places to feel love or to see it you have it everywhere you go

[Killer>:-}

your name here says:

thats what I am trying to do, you may have a point, (though I seriously doubt that you knw wat I am tlking about) U R A GENIUS,

Q-Bert says:

What you confuse me?? I'm i right or i'm i wrong??

[Killer>:-}

your name here says:

regardless of you knowing wat I am talking about, you gave me a GREAT idea...

Q-Bert says:

Okay.... And What is that idea i gave you??

[Killer>:-}

your name here says:

the secret to figure out how to love lies within travelling, or allowing the ability to travel, instead of staying in the same place

I can only be at one place at a time, this is the problem. Love means, being all places at a time. now I am trying to at least be in two.

Q-Bert says:

Alright.... You can't be an two places at once only your mind can... You be sittin in your room and your mind being in some other place but you still confuse me

your name here says:

well ur kind of understanding more, but I am talking about my mind, being in two places at the same time, but not exclusively.

Q-Bert says:

So your not talking about your body being in two places your talking about your mind being in two places at ones?? Tell me if i got this right?

[Killer>:-}

your name here says:

well its more on the context of desire, not just wanting to things at the same time, or wanting smthng nd its exact opposit, but being open

Q-Bert says:

Oh Alright.... Like open minded right?

[Killer>:-}

your name here says:

yes, but that term has other connotations, so I say freedom,

Q-Bert says:

I wasn't talking in a dirty way cuz being open minded means saying Whats in your head right?? And thats not What your talking about right

[Killer>:-}

your name here says:

I wastn being dirty either.. not evn thnkng bout that now, but yea, that sense of "open-mindedness" is the connotation I do not want to mean

Q-Bert says:

Connotation explain??

[Killer>:-}

your name here says:

look at it this way. a person that is starving, does not get to enjoy the chocolate, because they just swallow the whole thing in one bite

Q-Bert says:

So your talking about taking life slowing and enjoying it??

[Killer>:-}

your name here says:

connotation -  meanings that are stuck to a word, tho they may not be part of the definition, but people use them in such situations

one doesnt have to take it slowly... but yes your on the right topic

but this "enjoying of life" has WAY more benefits than you thinks... lemme tell you, YOUR LIFE CHANGES COMPLETELY!!!

Q-Bert says:

Well yea i kinda know What your talking about but still kinda confuse

[Killer>:-}

your name here says:

not only enjoying the chocolate, but everything and anything that comes your way, with Love, you become fearless, more awake, aware, free

practically invincible, what evry human being dreams to be..

Q-Bert says:

Yea i know.... Just like when you in love your going to take that extra step to get that girl right

[Killer>:-}

your name here says:

no, when I fall in lov, I am usully afraid of doing anything about it, bcuz I am afraid to fail, to be rejected, and all is bcuz I am in luv

this "love" does not make me fearless, but it does the opposite, it makes me more afraid...

Q-Bert says:

Why would you be Afraid when you in love??

[Killer>:-}

So your talking about love that doesn't scare you to do stuff??

[Killer>:-}

your name here says:

cus when u hav an exclusive desire means that u r not willing to accept its opposite, I am afraid of its opposite.. it forcs me 2 be careful

I am talking about Love for God, and acceptance of anything that He may throw your way, with willingness and honor, and no hesitation

Q-Bert says:

Explain this exclusive desire??

[Killer>:-}

Oh you should said that in the begining that it was about GOD'S love

[Killer>:-}

your name here says:

desire for something, and no room to want other things... or their opposite

Q-Bert says:

Their alot of desires out their What kind you talking about??

[Killer>:-}

your name here says:

ALLLLLL!!!

Q-Bert says:

For which text is this one for??     RE: llaveroja27@hotmail.com (your name here)

ALLLLLL!!!

[Killer>:-}

your name here says:

this is the hard part, because exclusive desires are fucking EVERYWHERE!!! so I cant pick them out one by one, I gotta have like a magnet

Q-Bert says:

Oh Alright.... I think i get you.... Hey i'm falling asleep here i'll hit you up some other day k

[Killer>:-}

your name here says:

magnet would be God's Love, Unconditional, Love like He Loves, Im trying to figure out how..

ok

Q-Bert says:

Goodnight foo

[Killer>:-}

your name here says:

gnite

friend’s discount code..

7983682F

Yea, this friend now does webcam shows... AWESOME!!!

February 25, 2010

Today, a co-worker told me that she didnt want anything to do with me other than work. As I observe these such things in people, I conclude that people are just insecure sometimes and there is nothing wrong with that, it just happens to everybody, even in a jury for a death penalty, the people making judgements are people with sin in their eyes, it is everywhere, there is nothing wrong with me, I am ok.  So Im not afraid of people if I just remember this (I dont think its complete, but lets just say that even if this allows me to not be afraid of people...), I am still not able to Love All, as this rule does not address physical objects and infinite meanings.  So if I could just remember this rule I will not be afraid anymore of people, what if before I figure out how to love at will, I just figure  out reasons to love absolutely everything I see, and then I wont have any space to figure out how to love at will.  So I will need something to be afraid of, so I will either have to forget, or learn how to reject at will.

I think a good experiment would be to look at things that I already love and see why I love them, or try to hate and love things at will and observe the what causes the change.

Besides I am already forgetting the rule...  but still its been a while since I found out that love was the answer, and I still havent figured out how to do it, though I have experienced it over and over again. I am starting to get anxious.

Dream: I had a thing stuck between my teeth that was holding it apart a centimeter.

Methods:

Write love every where

Know that God loves you.

See God in everything that happens,

Take every event as a gift from God with love... yes everything is a wonder.

What if someone sees wrong in me? Something that I also may be ashamed of? Or I dont want to appear dumb in their eyes?

Think of something that you admire... now think that it is shameful... now think about something that you initially think it is shameful... who is the one that should be ashamed, the one that brings things into existence? Or the one wanting existence to fade?

The final moral is, live and let these wonders live on as well: rejection, hatred, death, let them live. These are God’s wonders as well, the Great Creator.

Symbol theory

Subconscious portrayal

Inside meaning

Miracles of God explained are not miracles anymore...

February 24, 2010

Reading thoureau’s “walden”... clothes should be unnecessary, many more than what he proposes, if we would accept all, and be perfect, we would live in eden conditions.  The curse lives on.

February 23, 2010

I was trying to hold myself up with the walls, I pushed my leg against the wall and believed that I could myself up with enough force if I just took off, and thinking about everything that is going on in the physical world, and all the quantum possibilities that bring forth the existence of force and all this, and all the seeming and contradictions it creates that cancels itself out into nothing, I think of how everything that I have thought about is all real and present, the laws of physics that we neglect, they are all here and working within this world.  Like in the double slit experiment, both of the controversial results are real, but the results depend on our attitude, we only see what we want to see, it is present everywhere but we only decide to notice it in these dark and mysterious corners where we have not yet made a decision on what to believe.  Once we settle a truth, the we reduce the mystery to one exclusive knowledge, stripping it of its infinite meaning.  But really, I believe that all these contradicting results are real even within the our little world, although we keep them from appearing once we give it a reason to not exist; we hold them down, but they are still present, as we walk around in the world, we notice bits of the Unknown in little places, those times when the laws of reality in our dreams seem to seep into our waking world.  While we are awake, we feel like we are dreaming as we witness certain spots that we have not yet conquered with sin.  It is because of the presence of these spots that do not yet trigger my mind with fear, these spots in my world, in my perception, and in my mind, that I have hope that one day I will come to understand and that others may have always understood.  That the waking world is much like dreams, except that our sense of fear is more pungent while we are awake, and because of this we reduce the Wonders of this Life to what we see everyday, this fear becomes so restricting to the point that we do not even allow ourselves to remember what we have dreamed.  Who knows the many wonders and truths that were given to us in this time of sleep, that are kept behind the veil of fear, in the realm of the forgotten.

So there, even if it is true that these who I witness now are all saved in truth, it is also true about their stories of salvation, just like mine.  And each one has his own of how they came to be, and it is true of everyone, except for God? Not God since He is all;  Or it must be true well God has his own to just like it is possible all these to be manifestations of God, my neighbor could be God himself, and he would have H/his own salvation story, which would be all, even mine, and so there is a sense in which I am God.  I look at myself in the mirror, and I greet the Great God Himself, I fall in love.

Thinking about my friend, how it was very natural for me to touch her in these places, and how she only thought it was awkward that I didnt think it was awkward,  I didnt think that she would even speak up about it, but she did.  Why did this happen if I  was completely accepting it?  There are things hidden deep within my mind that I have not accepted, though I may feel that I have.  If I can look at these, I will discover truths about the world.  I will be able to know things and control things, allow myself to flow with reality.  If I had accepted this, I would have known before hand what she would say.  Now that I remember, there was a lightest sense of fear; which I guess did not allow me to see, or did not allow me to completely immerse myself in my intended reality.

Absolutely everything is true; but with each declaration of truth, there is a declaration of falsity; unless the declaration contradicts itself.  Have I spoken truth with this?

I felt the angels, I felt their love, their hate, and everything, was Love, everything was Life, and my soul openned up, my world openned up to me, I could see the inside of everything, as my soul openned up to accept this new truth to me.

February 18, 2010

Today, well yesterday, I gave a friend I just met a massage, and then she massaged me and then I couldnt believe it because of all the changes been happening and stuff, idk.  Then I kissed her.  I had invited her to my room and it was very cool.  I typically do not do stuff like this never happens, though I want it to, but now it happened, and its because of what I have been thinking.

So in thinking about acceptance and love, I wonder why certain things never happen and realize that because even if they did happen I wouldnt accept themm because I have no love, the laws I have, the things I think that should not happen in life are all preventing things from being manifested; though life, would naturally bring about them.  So my theory is that absolutely everything is happening every moment and every moment exists everything, I mean absolutely everything that you can imagine happening, is happening, absolutely every moment, absolutely everywhere; but we dont accept them, and forget them we decide that they dont exist.  And so I am trying to love, open myself up to possibilities.  I am throwing away my beliefs of how the world should be, and therefore getting rid of the fears of my laws being broken.

I was thinking one night about multiple personality disorder works, each personality only remembers the memories of their personality.  So I was thinking, if everything that could ever happen is happening this moment, why dont I remember the other things that are happening? Because I dont accept them... well how come I only remember this one world (with its laws), that I am in right now? Why cant I only remember the world and laws of some other place? Why does it have to be this one?  Why does it feel like I am stuck in this universe with earth the sun, the Bible and all these things? You are indeed in other universes as well, but you only remember them when you are on them, so even thought it seems as if you are stuck in this one, when you are in the other universes, to them it seems as if they were stuck on those.

So basically, my world is made up of my beliefs, the reason why anything is anything is because I dont accept anything else.  The reason why it seems that people get angry and dont understand what I am talking about, and how amazing life is and how important love is, is because I have not accepted that they actually do understand it.  It is all in my head, it is like I am in a perfect world, I am already in heaven, but sin is in my mind, so that the world seems corrupted.  So who are these people?  These people I see every day? What are they? Are they real?  Them and there actions are one of the infinite possibilities of the God, these people I see everyday, and I see them the next day, and there actions, they exist because this is the only possibilities of infinity that I accept;  if it happened to be that I saw any more of their infinite reality, I have already forgotten.

So what is the physical world, is it real?  The physical world and everything in it, is obviously real; but there are more real things, more worlds that I do not accept because of my sin. 

I had this idea that when someone dies, they become perfect, because of the inevitable love, or something, anyways so if I became perfect (if I opened up completely and saw the infinite and the infinite worlds and how everybody really) is where would I be? I would be in this world, awakened... but what would happen to all these people that do not seem to be awake like me? Well you would see how they are indeed perfectly awake, but lets say that these people are like you now that do not see the perfect and they would be “stuck” in this world, just like even though you are perfect, you dont realize it because you dont accept it.  anyways the point I am trying to make is that if people had closed minds about the possibility of me becoming perfect, they would only see that I am not or that I have died and in that sense I would leave them behind.  Even though they are all in heaven and perfect, yes we are all in perfection, but our eyes are closed, the kingdom is among us, but we do not see it. nb