Dilemma: should i care about what other people think of me. I always dont, buy now its getting me in trouble... i should disregard them, their prejudice and shelterred minds get me pissed. I should disregard but ill get in trouble. And i should point out the fuck it is whats wrong with them siisy ass cant stand shit i do, them immature freaks get uncomfortable when the proff cusses or ssays the word rape, or talks about greeks and sex with children, or talks about other culture’s cusroms and rhey say its crazt and only americans are sane... i call that immature and i aint gonna fall short of living just cuz they cant stand a little life. If i am “considerate” ill think of their prejudice and be pist all the time wondering who carries those traits.
So i could be open all out and get in trouble... or be considerate and be pist... or i can, not assume that everyone i see is out to get me, but just listen to opposing sides and argue with those specific ones when they... probem is, they never ome up cuz they are too coward to confront, so change of plans... not express myself, but when they show, out of casual conversation, then you will attack. But i dont want to hide... that is unlife. I guess you just have to give people chances,, you cant just assume anything of anybody, you just have to meet people. The trick is... that since your love for people is conditional, that you may go through times when you are first, nice to a person and expect good of them, but then after you getto know them you hate them... you would be doing the same thing that you hate. So since my love is conditional, I cannot love people i dont know because of the chance that they might be in the condition that i hate. So to fix theproblem i must love unconditionally, or forget the fact that the perso i am talking to may be that which i hate. And its not that i hate certain people, but that i dont want to bother people that dont like me, with my presence, those people i hate, i just stay away from them cuz they hate me. But i must understand that not everyone hates me, and there are those that actually like me and cant wait to meet me. I just need to talk to them thats all, I dont know who is who, so the essential need is to talk to them.
Things to writ:
Those who are ashamed of their nature, I wrote it on my mirror and got erased by Sanam (she is so hot and tall yum) and now it came back to me and I have already saved it on my laptop.. I will not be ashamed of my nature, I have told Arianna about this, that normal people are those who try to be normal, so if you are trying to match society’s ideal image, then you are normal, because that is what normal people do, (what I seriously dont get is that our culture encourages individuality, but this conformist idea is stealthily killing it, without anybody noticing it. So this is what most people do, they want to be “normal” so they deny and lie about themselves, they mask their nature in order to satisfy others expectations.
There is a problem at whitman, they dont talk, because there is oppression, oppresion from a popular idea and stuff.
The better way to raise a child, to let them wonder. The way I came up with this I was trying to be creative and watching circles on the street on my way to abundant life tabernacle. Then I saw the silliest comparison with the tiny slope bumps with the manhole caps, and I thought... only in a dream... but then I though, what if in real life? Was there ever a time when I would wonder this in real life? Yes, when I didnt know, when I first started off, when I would ask, and when I got the answer, I didnt wonderr anymore, not once I ve been given all the answers.
One thing I want to answer for myself, is the question that people ask but as usual they dont look for an answer, the question is, how does the time go? You know like, when time passes by and you dont even notice... you work on things and all of a sudden you are in the future somehow... you dont notice how you have passed your life, you have forgotten all your struggles, your joys and everything you have done, and when you are finally on your deathbed you wonder, what happened to all that time you had to live when you were a child. Where did it all go? How does the time pass by so discretely? How can we not go back to the past and look at what we have done, or change anything, everything we remember is with a sense of nostalgia, but we can not relive anything, they are locked away in that realm of our memory. How does the time go? If I answer this question I bet I will be able to satisfy my nostalgia, as if the past was the present, as if everything I have done was for a reason, and I have left nothing behind, and when I am on my death bed Ill say, “and thats how time goes...” we must stare at the beauty of it, we should not ignore the fact that things are being done and time is passing away. So I wont feel empty when it is all over, and I will be filled, satied, with the events of my life.
I also need to remeber the feeling that explains why it is ok for a person to live by faith without knowing really what God is all about, but only faith in His salvation.
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