September 10, 2009

I am in music history class, there is a girl sitting at my right, she has short black hair, eye shadow, and smells like spearmint, she is chewing gum today, I wonder of she is planning to kiss me.  Brown eyes, I like to look at her.  Chipped nail polish on her fingernails,  black, with her purple lead pencil she writes a name, “Eliza” ... “Music”? “History”... Then she writes, Eliza Young. When I got back to my room I looked her up, she lives on my flor. Eeeeeeeeee!!!

About 2 days before yesterady, I was in my philosophy class andv as I walked from it (I sent a txt message to my ex about this) I wnodered about those feeling I ever had, that made me go crazy, those thoughts, I realized that, it was things that I shold be doing, worlds I should be expressing with my being. Yesterday in class Proff Tom Davis mentioned the emotions one has when they are babies that they dont have the words to express, it is a really painful experience so they forget. I told him that it was not the case with me, I had memories from like 1 or 2 years old, and I can remember recognizing the emotion even though I didnt really know how to say it.   And so he must have been talking about the feelings I get when I go crazy, but I go crazy, not because I cant express it, but because I feel a strong “duty” to express it, and I am not doing it.

There is this girl with a nose ring, in my philosophy 201 class, its 2:38, Im not sure of her name, she has a green shirt religious “coexist” and drinks water out of a blue crayon, the way she looks at me,  it makes me wonder, the look she gives, its kind of sexual, well thats howit makes me feel, I wonder I knew what her mind was like.  I used to catch her looking at me, I wonder what it means, she stares at me as much as I stare at her, we take turns though, I wish I knew what to do to make it so she doesnt get tired of looking at me.. how would I control this part? Or how could I move forward.  What do I do?  All I can do or should do is be myself, display myself, show bits of who I am.  And i should be aware  of this, even when I think no one is watching, this makes another rule that in all times, I live, I live by making others aware of my consciousness, or express myself and what is insiide me, my truth, my thoughts, who I am, display and not hde, at all times/