December 29, 2010

I think it was my hair that threw them off.  He did say that he noticed… each side of my head has three braids, that makes six; and the curls at the bottom of my braids curl up into sixes.

The diagnosis came: they told me that they couldn’t cast it out, that it was a weak and coward spirit, because it wouldn’t tell them its name; it was a lying spirit.

He told me that I needed to get rid of my braids, that’s when he told me of what he thought it meant.  The cool guy told him that he was over analyzing it, but I expressed agreement with the other guy, since I believe that these types of things can come out.  Like I agreed with what a friend said, he said that “I use my braids to cover up my wisdom.”  And this IS one of the reasons why I don’t like to look “normal”, because people will only give me a chance based on looks, and I don’t want people to be nice to me only because I look like them.  I think it is pathetic when people judge me based on my outward appearance.  So in this way, my braids do indeed reflect a weakness inside of me, a misleading (lying) spirit.  A spirit skilled in lying, in fact; I don’t just use my hair to mislead people, but I do everything I can to give off a bad first impression.  I am so skilled at it, that it even comes naturally.  I only express the good things about me when I feel that the person is done insisting that I am a creep, and is ready to listen and speculate if there is anything good that may come out of me.

I do believe that this way of judging is a flaw inside of me.  And that I should love my neighbor and be vulnerable to their prejudice, rather than incite them to attack my armor.

Conclusion:

Because of my conclusions about the mentality of accusation and the spirit of the “Accuser”; as the guy was telling me this I had the temptation to judge him in my mind and tell myself that his demon of premature accusation, and insistence on separating from my family (rather than incorporating them into the presence God), and his severe and unwelcoming approach to my problems, was worse than the little lying spirit inside of me.  But I kept in mind that if I began to accuse him it would keep me from seeing the flaws in myself.  I still allowed myself to take his criticism into consideration, without looking at his flaws.  Just because he lacks skill in expression does not mean that I am perfect, and just because he may even be more of a sinner than I am does not mean he has no right to judge me (if anything it means that I should permit him to judge me and endure his accusation).  And in fact, there is a sense in which all of his accusations are correct.

My diagnosis:

There is something wrong with me.  There, very well, can be a coward spirit of lies, that is weak in strength but it is hard to catch.  And you wouldn’t believe the lies it coerces me to believe.  I don’t believe that I was possessed by a spirit at the moment they were praying for me; I believe this spirit constantly possesses me; this spirit that allowed me to allow them to believe that I was possessed (even though I wasn’t).  This spirit is such a skilled liar that it even convinced me that I wasn’t possessed.  Whether I wanted them to believe or not that I was possessed, whether I did it intentionally or accidentally, they ended up believing I was, and this is enough evidence that there is, in fact, something wrong with me.  The cowardice hidden inside of me, everything about myself that I hate, that I wish I didn’t have, my hesitation to correct them, and my fear of disappointing them are all flaws inside of me that allowed this to happen.  Don’t try to tell me that it is them with the flaws and that there will always be people that judge me no matter how righteous I am: the fact that I was not able to enlighten them about it, says that I am not at my prime, that I could do better, that all of this could have happened in a better way.

Explore

File Location:  My Words/Completion (What we know)\Achieving Awareness\Methodology\Explore/Exlore

Oldest date modified: 9/25/2009

Why: Once you gain awareness, when you are born, you must use it like you appreciate it, like you belong in awareness, you must be aware of as much as possible, and in Reality it never ends, so it is important to explore, and so whenever you get the chance to try something new you should go for it, for the sake of learning something new and having a new experience.  Sure you dont want to lose your awareness over gaining a little more, but you must remember that it should not be the case that it is the awareness itself that kills you, in a world where infinity exists in every detail of Reality there will always be a way to obtain a little more awareness without losing your present awareness.  if its different, its good, you must not throw it away if its unpleasant, you must not ignore it if it looks uninteresting, you should learn about it, learn to deal with it, expand your domains. When hardships come your way, appreciate the fact that its an opportunity to learn, if you already know how, then its an opportunity to prove yourself, victorious, if you have forgotten (which you sholdnt have done) then its an opportunity to remember.

How: When things are new, sometimes it is hard to accept them, specially when they have “negative” effects.  Even though it is important to experience despair at times, its natural tendency is to lower your desire for awareness (you dont want to know, you dont want to feel... basically, you wish you were dead, you wish you were never born or that you didnt exist) it is important to feel these because they are a part of life, and it is important to spend time on them to learn about them, how they work, and how to deal with them, if not for yourself, but to help others out as well.  But you must not deal with “painful” subjects, by not being aware of them, you must be aware of them, you must admit them to Truth, (confess), you may not ignore what is true, because from the beggining this is what we are trying to prevent, which is lying to yourself.  If we value truth, we must not ignore it, if we value awareness we must not ignore, if we value life we must not forget it, if we value exploring we may fear it (only for the sake of exploring the emotion of fear) but we must not avoid it as a result of the fear.

In everything we do our minds must be wondering, searching for new ways to do anything, even if your way is already efficient, you must try new ways, so that you learn how to do it in more difficult ways, in such situations that would require you to do it in the difficult manner, or just so that you learn more about obtaining your goal in different ways, and if you find an easier way, then the result is obviously a reward.  But you must keep it in your mind to always aspire for new and different things.  (To figure out how to keep this in mind as much as possible, you must wonder about memory, Memory.docx) And this is why its important to move MOVE, energy when you are wondering, make patterns, find patterns, find relevancies, believe things, play with your mind, feel what its like to believe something stupid, believe it, live it, experience all these, energy and energy move, something different everytime, whereever the spiritof freedom guides you.  Find patterns and use them to build build and destroy to build again and higher and more.  Energy, its important to move in all these directions to spur your mind and get ideas and be evrywhere.

Again the more creative you are > the more creative youll be.  Your body is made to grow, towards what it does.

Explore – now exploring means more than just going places, and places means more than only points on a three dimensional domain.  Exploring also means exposing yourself  to new parts, not only as a location but as in positions, and points of view.  Explore what it feels like to be someone else, to be in a tough situation, anywhere that you can go, anything that you can do.  Do as much as you can, do anything as long is it keeps you as it does not result in death of any kind, that it does not shorten your life in any way, and that it does not keep you from being efficient to the rest of your surroundings.  Of course you can weigh costs and take risks; who woulnt put their money in the bank and not be able to use it so that they can have more at the end of the saving  period.  The same way one shoukd invest in being efficient to their outside world and spend their time in solitary research so then they can share a new invention afterwards.  But one should be careful of the inevitable destructions, for what good is it that you save up money all your life when you die before you get to enjoy it?  When one invests in life efficiency one should consider the effects of the unknown.  Change, Change is what you must love and I cant stress this enough, when you choose to follow Life blessings will come, change is what you must love, change is life, I cant stress this enough.

Relevant events give emotion and interest, you must look for these to spur your life, they can be found ANYWHERE and in anything, but you must find a way for your mind to see them.  And these that make emotion, that make power, and build up potential for life, so we live.  But how do you find these relevant events? You just look, anywhere and every where you look they are everywhere you just have to set yourself and your mind in motion.  And learn many ways to do this.

Imagination, you must improve your imagination to help you bring more instances with opportunities of creativity to your mind, your imagination works when you are not doing it in reality.  That reminds me we never really separated the external world from the internal, so what does that say about your imagination. 

Creativity: whenever there is somewhere where you must make a decision, for the sake of life u must choose something different, if not because it matters, but so that you get used to that feeling, you get used to the feeling of change, and to get used to appreciating it; so much so that it becomes second nature to you that change and new blessings happen everyday.   There may be times where you think it is unncessary to choose someting different at a time, but it affects you more than the world.  Just like what you do when you are alone, even if you hide your actions and make sure that no one sees you. Why is it a sin to imagine to kill somebody and relish in your hatred?  Why is it a sin to steal something even if the owner has forgotten that he ever owned it?  It is because it affects your character.  Just like you not suppose to muzzle your animal as it works on the fields.  God told the Israelites not to muzzle their beasts, not because he didnt want the beast to starve, the beast wouldnt starve, the Israelites would give it enough food to live and take care of it, God told them not to muzzle them to keep them from practicing stinginess.  Because when you become stingy you want to keep detailed account of every little pleasurer you can get, you want more things for yourself and cant stand to think that maybe you are dropping a little money here and there, thats why people can never be rich enough, its not because they dont have enough money, I mean look at this country, but a person, no matter how much money he has, will never be rich until he stops wanting more.  (Example of people who are rich but they say they are poor).  And stinginess also makes you stressed out for every little thing you lose.  Thats why God commands you to give tythes, so that you allow yourself to practice not worrying about money, and so that you dont worry about buying things that are not necessary, so that no matter how poor you are, you never feel like you need more, so that you live a more peaceful and satisfying life, so that you dont worry abouot things that do not matter, and so that you are less stressed out, so that you practice being generous, “I just gave a fifth of my check to God, why not just give it all”  So that no matter your financial situation, you always feel like you can give.  There is no such thing as rich or poor, there are poor people in other countries that feel rich, and there are rich people in the US that think they are poor.  Financial situation is just, do you have enough for yourself to survive?  Beyond that, being rich or poor is all in the mind.  And so you must be creative in any sense you can find, to build creativity within yourself, to remind yourself.

Accept open mind - Do not ignore, Just because something looks stupid or sounds stupid, or useless or unconnected, do not deny it, remember there is ALWAYS Unknown, remind yourself of this, however you think the world is, you are always wrong and there is always something new to learn, when you listen to someone, dont ignore it because of their status, because you think its unnecessary, dont disregard it as it may not affect you, or because you dont see any connection.  If one believes it, then the idea must have a really good reason to find a dwelling in a human mind, you cant just say everyone is stupid and listen only to people that make you feel good because you trust them and you have witnessed their smart. Are there not ever instances when you are wrong?  When your prejudice ends up being wrong, when you trust someone too late?  This kind of things happen all the time... what does it cost to trust for once? Is it something you would risk for new knowledge, for greater awareness?  Specially when you think you already have an answer for it, just remember that you may always be wrong and to learn something new, you MUST find a mistake in your thought processes, always be aware of that, and TRY to find the ways you are WRONG.  If you actually hold the Truth, then no matter how much you look you will find NO FLAW, the Truth is Truth and will always be, and what makes you think that a simple human like you will ever hold Truth in essence?  Understand this, and even though you may live according to what you believe, leave room for questioning, to learn more truth, have an open mind.  Always remember the Unknown.

For an example of exploring and spurring ideas in your mind, is to give meaning.  “So lets manifest” ..\..\..\..\..\History\Free Being.docx

People ask themselves why something happens bu they hardly ever take the time or make the effort to answer it.  People get concerned about it, but since that concern doesnt seem to contribute to their everyday setup they just ignore it.

What if: yea, do this (explore)

Now to live, youmust explore, and to know what to explore, you must be curious, and to learn of the infinity of the world’s possibilities you must go agaiinst everything that you believe and everything you feel like doing, you must go against your expectations, and you must always be trying to prove yourself wrong, this is the only way you gain new knowledge, if you believe that what you currently believe is wrong or lacking something, and knowledge of the world is never ending, never satisfied, as is reality.  Now this is your mission, that whenever you hesitate, it is a sign that you have a belief, and to teach yourself something new, you must follow through with it so that you have a chance of being wrong.  Now when you are nervous and you have the adrenaline rush due to insecurity, this feeling is the sense of a new world coming along, a new opportunity that should not be denied, new knowledge at reach, the goal shall not be rejected.  This feeling is calling for an adjustment, you are not suppose to keep this feeling, you are suppose to adjust.  But to be able to adjust you need to have an open mind for solutions, or else you will stay in the nervous section and work with fear present and arms shaking not a good tool, you must not have hesitation in your presence.  This rush is a good feeeling because it signals an imminent change, but the change must take place, and to be able to know how to adjust you need to have the freedom of getting and using anything that is at your reach and you need to feel free to grab whats at hand to equip yourself as you go from one world to another.

December 19, 2010

At the airport, past the security, on my way to L.A.

Something happened that is worthy of taking note of…

It was an answer to a childhood discord; it was the form of communication that caught my attention.  A form of communication I developed around the age of six and still use it as if to talk to angels of chances and fate.  The first time I tried to explain it, I explained it as the communication existing but without a receiver; or a receiver existing but without the communication; or a receiver and communication existing, but without the giver… This is what I meant to say:

So I was checking out girls like I usually do, and there was this one girl, who responded in a very familiar way.  I was shocked by the way she responded because until that moment, I only recognized that type of response in myself. 

Like wanting something, but being afraid to ask for it; a forbidden desire; an ambition that is looked down on and therefore must hide it with my life.  But at the same time, the hope that dwells in me urges to get out; to give out some kind of sign of my desperation, for a chance that someone, someone willing to help, may hear it; and only this someone who is willing to help, may hear it.

The tragedy is that even deep inside myself, I feel as if this someone does not exist, should not exist.  How selfish of me, how naïve to think that someone would help me with such a cheap desire.  Naïve of me to think that such a person would exist that would be interested in participating in such a repulsive act with me.  For this reason, my request for intimacy, was whispered into the wind, aimed at nothing; whispered, not even with the desire in mind I whispered.  It was aimed at no one, only a hope, a hope that I believe with the bottom of my heart that it should not, and could not exist.

I recognized that desperate affection, from my own experience:  the heat of contention, the clot of hesitation, the building up of heartbreak as I try to build up hope (because I realize that the more hopeful I become the more naïve I am becoming).

It took me by surprise, what she did; it amazed me, it made me realize that I was not alone in this desperation, that I am not the only one who is desperate for intimacy.

It is not an easy thing to figure out and even less easy to feel okay about believing it, because of how each person tries to play it off… “I would never be desperate, if there is anyone that is weak, it is the other person.  Everyone needs intimacy, it’s a fact for every human being; except for me, I am strong, I am the one that satisfies, I am not the one who needs help.”  And I know this can easily be identified as bullshit, but the thing is that, I would rather believe your lies than break your trust.

It took me by surprise, what she did; it amazed me, it made me realize that I was not alone in this desperation, that I am not the only one who is desperate for intimacy:

After taking a couple of glances my way to make sure I may or may not had been looking, she faced my direction, while looking at the corner of the ceiling behind me and lipped the words, “I love you”.  She did not dare look at me after she had done that; as wishing that I got the message, but hoping I wouldn’t.

I recognized that desperate passion as her little sister smiled at me as she observed me, only then to report to her that I had just been staring her way.  All of her gestures and responses, they were too familiar to me.  Until now, I was the only person I knew that had felt such things that causes one to respond in such a way.

“I love you” she said, and this love between strangers is as genuine as the love that couples, even most married couples, have today. 

I wanted to let her know that I loved her too, and that I would do anything for her (and this was as much bullshit as the crap your boyfriend tells you).  That my heart, at that moment, craved to spend a lifetime stuck with her in a secluded room; it craved for us to live through ecstatic adventures as one.  I craved to have known her even before I was born; that it broke my heart that I didn’t know her until we met, and that it broke my heart even more, to know that I will not get to know her even then; because I did not have the courage, or even the tactic, to approach her perfectly, in the exact way she dreamed. 

By her vibe I knew she was thinking the same.

I wanted to let her know, but each time I wanted to express it, my doubts got in the way: “You are deluding yourself, she didn’t just…, she couldn’t have meant it, she wouldn’t even consider doing such a thing, no such person could ever exist, you are just a desperate creep and you are, in fact, alone”.  My mind kept trying to convince me that I was alone”, but in her I saw the same thoughts I was having: it was like looking into a mirror in which your reflection exists as its own soul, but at the same time having the exact same mind.  I let my doubts take over my behavior, but not over the memory of what I had just witnessed.  My mind kept trying to “bring me back to reality”, but the ambience of her behavior was still there, it was still real. 

            This incident was indeed, a consolation to a childhood dissonance: it was like a remedy that alleviated a line that measured time with a hopeless and forgotten affliction.  It was like coming face to face with the child you had been, it was like getting that Christmas present that kept your heart broken since you were six; it was like waking up the magic that you believed in when you were innocent, but turned your back on, as you began to believe that pain was necessary, and therefore became addicted to misery. 

As beautiful as this was to me, I must not get attached to it; for the value of fixing a broken heart is meaningless compared to the value of being enlightened by the fact that there was never a heartbreak.  This is something I still have to learn.

December 14, 2010

Anticipating the effects (damages) and willingness to experience them (sacrifice), this is what freedom is made of.

           

I have derived a new reason that justifies my behavior towards “these people”, a new reason that explains what my hate is made of.

            It is not necessarily hate towards them, but mere dissatisfaction towards the fact that I do not know how to deal with them.  At church, my personality type was said to be unforgiving; but it is not that I do not want to forgive the person and get along with them, it is just that deep inside I know they have not forgiven me.  Although they may say that they have forgiven me, they have not made the necessary changes in themselves to accept me.  True forgiveness means that if the same person were to make the same mistake or attack again, you would not feel against them.  With this in mind one can see how “these people” only pretend to have forgiven me, but they damn well know that their new found affection is conditional; the condition being that I am not the person I was.

            The problem is that I am still the same person, and so are they; and because I see this, and because I do not like to pretend, I express the fact that they have not forgiven me, by not letting them “forgive” me, by not forgiven them.  The problem is that I am still the same person, and so are they; and because I see this, and because I do not like to pretend, I express the fact that they do not yet accept me, by not letting them “accept” me, by not accepting them or their false version of acceptance, their conditional acceptance, their oppressive acceptance, my oppressive acceptance.  We are incompatible and not one of us has made the necessary changes to forgive the other. 

            I now know that I do not blame them, but I am still dissatisfied with the relationship.  I am still dissatisfied at the fact that we cannot get along.  If we are to get along, one of us will have to change, until then, there is no point in trying, there is no point in pretending that we get along, it just makes each of our lives harder.  I will take my own time, and make room for my torment; keep the demon, that comes between us, in the closet; until I learn to tame it.  I want to learn to forgive you before I even try the same thing again.  One of us will have to change for this to work; I will do my part the best I can.

December 12, 2010

I am afraid of leaving Whitman, because I would be leaving behind the torment I’ve been using to force me to wake up… this entry is used to come up with ways to see my imperfection without the use of Whitman.

Whenever I am concerned about things being perfect.  I know for sure that its not, since I am trying to fix it.  But what if things are not perfect and I am still unconcerned?, this is why I am afraid of leaving Whitman…

Whenever I want something, whenever there is a twitch in my eye. It means I am blind.

(Putting on socks with pliers)

The most effective way to accomplish something is to it’s already accomplished.

Whenever I think of a way in which things could be better.  Whenever I am not as satisfied as I could be, whenever I think…

I do not need to go to hell to find the hidden light anymore, what comes in degres is always relative.  I am already in hell!

I am afraid of being ignorantly blind, because then I won’t look for anything better.  But it’s not about the pain; I could be in hell and still not believe it can get any better.

Whenever I seek to change rather than to understand, whenever I think to understand, though I am unsatisfied.

Whenever I am no completely intact with reality, whenever I even think so, creates dissatisfaction that I know I must overcome.

Whenever I think I must overcome something, then I must overcome it.

Even in the slightest of signs, let conflict attract your attention.; it deserves it since its existence is a result of your ignorance.

But always look towards the light; do not be satisfied ever with your lack of happiness.  True satisfaction does not lack happiness.

Whenever I have given up in searching for something higher, whenever I have closed myself up without…

Whenever my curiosity spends any amount of time being unsatisfied, whenever I cling to things that are gone.

Whenever I forget the Almighty, that there is a hope for perfection; whenever I lose faith in the completeness of life, whenever I think the imperfection lies outside of me.  Whenever I feel hesitant.  Whenever I feel life must be a certain way and no other; whenever I exclude possibilities, either in theory or in practice, it means that I have lost hold of God.

Whenever I think some things are not worth it, whenever I fail to see beauty in certain things, whenever my sense of beauty is defiled by my will.

Whenever I seek to understand rather than allow myself to understand.

The best way to accomplish something is to let it happen.

Most importantly, whenever I believe that I can’t believe.  Failing to believe in God; failing to have faith in perfection is a contradiction in itself… somehow, I forgot how.

When you see something that is “imperfect” it is because you think it should not exist (in any form), but it obviously does (even if only in your perception/imagination), and therefore you are contradicting yourself.

If I fear the things beyond my conception that may exist without my awareness, if I conceive of possibilities of myself being in bliss while ignorant, it is only because I am ignoring, deliberately, impossibly, avoiding things that I think should not exist, but that obviously do.

I must be open to anything new, if imperfection exists, even if only in my imagination, it means that by me calling it an imperfection, I am contradicting its existence.

Whatever I am trying to figure out, it is a lot likely to be a concept beyond what I am trying to address with these words.

December 10, 2010

You are so susceptible to gossip; my curiosity forced me to experiment with your prejudice, in order to rid my pride.

Yes I am paranoid, and no I am not crazy.  I just found out that a lot of things that I had been paranoid about are actually true; which makes my present paranoia feel even more legitimate. 

(Deep inside, I know that this shouldn’t make a difference).

My mind collects and recollects memories, as many as it can, to support my paranoia; now that it was given the green light to strengthen itself, by being proved right.  My mind is now after the worse scenarios it can assemble with the little coincidences that it has picked up along the way.  Every little detail throughout my days at Whitman counts as fuel to keep my mind boiling.

(Deep inside, I know it shouldn’t matter).

What is it with this mob mentality that is so predominant here?  People keep proving themselves as not being able to able to think on their own.  But like Maherin said, “People come here to get a degree [and an education], not to become better [more open-minded] people.”

(Deep inside, I know it shouldn’t matter).

I thought people would be able to handle the truth, I thought people here would be open minded, but they have proven themselves to be more closed then I have ever met.

(Deep inside, I know it shouldn’t matter).

Really?  The assumptions that they make about me!  And how they respond to me because of those assumptions, they don’t even check if the rumors are true, or if they do they check with the intention of having been right all along.  These people are the darkest force I have ever faced.  (deep down inside…)  I cant even believe the stuff I have heard about myself.  I wouldn’t mind if they wouldn’t mind, what I mind is that those people are creating their own hell by themselves, and placing it on me, and act as if I was hell reigning terror on them.

(Jimmy… you have done the same to them…)

My weakness is no greater than theirs; but neither is my strength if I am not able to let this go.

Just so you guys know, when I talk about Whitman being hell and revealing the dark spots in my mind, it’s not just about me venturing into my mind to drive myself crazy.  It is about the things that happen that make people tick, things that people do that torment the mind.

Just because I am messing with my mind to figure out what this suffering means does not mean that my suffering is solely caused by the scheming of my mind; again my suffering is indeed self-imposed, but by this I am saying that every person’s suffering is because they do not understand something about their life, they lack something.  My demons are no greater than theirs, I just admit my torment to myself more than they do.

And this is what I am trying to make clear; it is not about me and my ventures into insanity.  It is about me realizing that all of humanity is insane and trying to find a way out.  Deep down inside, I know that there is no use trying to “fix these people”, trying to alleviate this suffering by external means, trying to put back together this broken heart, trying to get back at those who did me wrong, trying to teach a lesson to the inconsiderate; there is no point in saving the fallen.

Because it doesn’t matter how much perfection they reach, the imperfection that once was, will always be; in this realm, in this time, scarring reality for all of eternity; Satan has forever left his mark.

It is a mystery to be able to heal this wound; forgetting that it ever happened would be an imperfection in itself.  How could something be a blessing if we can only obtain it through ignorance?  God does not rid the world of evil, but shines light upon it, so that it bows down and becomes one with Him once again.

My mind is still on fire, my torment is no different than the suffering you go through, and my demons are no greater than yours.  I just hate it too much to just leave it alone and pretend that nothing like it will ever happen again, ever in Eternity:

If I hate something, I think it should not have ever existed, not for me, not for anyone else.  I realize that its impossible to get rid of pain eternally, so there must be something I am failing to understand about this life, about this eternity.  What is the deal with this shit anyways?  Have you ever asked yourself why there is suffering in the world?  Have you ever tried to look for an answer? Not just any answer, but a legitimate and solid answer?

This is why I play mind games with myself, because there is this puzzle I need to solve, this life I need to figure out.

I know the answer, and I know it’s true, but I can’t bring myself to believe in it.

I think about this and how every temptation, how bondage, addiction and suffering all work, blindness and darkness, how indulgence only leads to greater sin.  These concepts become too real to ignore.  How can people be blind to the truth of this spiritual warfare?  How can anyone not believe in a world beyond our modern society?  I realize, again, that the physical world is merely composed of the shadows casted from the spiritual battlefield; our vision is too blurred to see, and our minds are too disoriented to understand.  Do the classic texts teach us nothing about life?  Why the hell were the stories told? What were the gods and the influences that these people were referring to?  Even if they were written for mere entertainment, there must be a reason why the imagination can reach such wonders beyond the simple instinct of survival.  Even without texts, doesn’t the mere fact of being alive mean anything more than just “ok I’ll play along while I am here”?  Doesn’t it make you want to ask “What the hell?! (What’s hell?) What the what?!”