When the blind lead the blind, they usually don’t get anywhere.
Cant get it by changing task, that’s why I still procrastinate. It has nothing to do with what task I am doing, but how I see it.
Things that come to mind:
Satisfying my desires, (completely acceptable) Sacrifice unnecessary, so how do I achieve this? By visualizing into reality? Visualizing what? A desired effect (that will ultimately end in disatisfaction)? Or a truth? Why does desired effect end in dissatisfaction? It’s the mind that must be exercised not the effect.
Seriously, from one second to another I forgot things and I remember something new depending on what is in front of my eyes. I wish I would understand that there is an outside world, beside what I see and feel. I understood this once, for less than a minute; my pain was not mine, but it belonged to my body. But let’s not anoint this perspective.
Again: combination of imagination and reality with the “background” (judgments?) of: whatever it is I desire, or of “God” (If it is possible).
List of methods to be examined:
· What happened to paying attention?
· Value-in what you think of failure.
· Present imagination
· God-Present (Faith in access)
· Desire-Present (access limited to desire, but limit is desired)
· Snapping out
How do any of these allow one to reach the max point? – max out point could be judgmentless: Its not external world, but senses; it’s not sense, but sensation; not sensation but imagination; not imagination, but chance ghosts; not chance ghosts, but eternity divided; not eternity divided, but eternity as it is.
How do I conceive of this progression? What brought it? Is progression an illusion?
How I arrive to, or assume these conclusions:
I pay attention to my desires, the faith I have in myself, the possibilities I can picture for myself.
I observe the limits, I become dissatisfied, I figure out what it means, (how to get rid of suchsituatin?) how to either get rid of, or accept, but in all to become aligned, instead of being in indefinite suspense about my reality. Or if I am supposed to remain in suspense? Basically, I am looking for solid ground to justify my life and actions with. But I realize that what once seems solid is most likely not eternal, so how do I end my search? How do I justify the end of my search?
I spend a good deal of time trying to understand the world as cursed and sinful, I think becuae I am afraid of being unknowingly wrong.
I think of ascendance in terms of:
· Striving for something I desire
· Freedom from desire
· Being harmonized with my fate
· Seeing eternal incorruptible beauty
Being wrong – Judge others with what I judge myself with. Self-imposed limits, that represent death of possibility. Although its possible to “avoid” those limits and get what you “desire” it is an unnecessary act, it is impure (Desire-Present). Unnecessary pain is unnecessary; unnecessary act is at least pleasant. And is desired, desire is unnecessary? This breaks my heart. Broken heart is a desired act yes it is (for now).
Is God-Present and Infinite-Present and Truth unnecessary act? Is paying attention an unnecessary act?
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