I keep forgetting all I have learned, and my mind keeps going in different directions as it is lured by many different desires. This shows that I have forgotten, not only the direction, not only the reasons why these desires are meaningless, but the fact that satisfaction is always at my disposal.
It becomes a cycle, a question/answer cycle.
I become stuck in memories as I replay events I lived hours ago; as if those events were my life in a nutshell, as if the contents of this nutshell composed my whole life. In memories I dwell, they are my hobby; by these memories I plan my actions, as if the universe will remain as it was when the memory was created.
I can’t focus on my… I don’t even know what I should be focusing on.
What would it be like to have a perfect mentality?
As I imagine my ideal I am sure there is always something missing, and so I cannot begin the process of figuring out a path to it. To accomplish all that I desire, to have faith in wonder, to see the heaven on earth, to see the heaven in darkness. And yet, I desire all of these, but if my mind was clear I would not be asking for this, but be satisfied with my fate.
Is it bad that I want satisfaction? – Not necessarily, but you can’t be satisfied if you keep wanting.
I keep thinking that the universe is what I see, and keep forgetting that it is only a reflection of me.
And yet, all I say is all just judgments, judgments of my impure mind, all worthless…
What is it that I am searching for?
Where does God come into all of this?
God is the ALL, the IS. How do I know that I’ve reached Infinity?
“Realize that you are alive”
As I am falling asleep, my mind wastes time replaying memories. Why doesn’t it automatically show me God instead?
If I am so skeptical why do I believe in Ultimate Perfection? In Infinity?
I believe because I have felt it, I have seen it, and lived it. But even if it is not real, and it was all an illusion from my mind, it makes striving for anything else seem so pointless.
…………………….
As my mind focuses on torment, I mock it by enhancing my body’s reactions; then I decide to snap out of it. I notice the room I am in and remember that I have a body and realize that any fate, no matter which, is a blessing for a soul.
I remember I had a body. These days I have been keeping track of what my mind misses. As I was going down the stairs right now, I realized that my mind does not bother to keep a sense of direction. As I get into a movie, my mind fails to that I am watching it on t.v., when I take a shower, I forget where I am and what I am doing in the life outside the shower.
And now I forgot what the point of this was. When the body is sick or chemically unbalanced, the mind does not consider it as sensations, but the soul becomes part with the body and its sickness. When one ignores the properties of their surroundings it affects them from deep inside, from the “forgotten realm”, from the subconscious. The way the automatic is arranged decides what my universe will look like. I give up my will to my conditioning when I fail to savor what I am absorbing. It makes the universe work in an exclusive sort of way. It becomes part with our logic, (whoever thought that math and logic was only a response to the “human sickness” the sin/imperfection of the human body; only one realm in an infinite field). What we see, what makes sense to us, is mended by the nature that contains our consciousness (let mine be held by that which Is). Human logic is not like Eternal logic, which is beyond our reach, untouched by human hands, able to solve all problems of the world, and break down all barriers with a flood of comprehensiveness. Eternal logic can give Eternal peace and/or Eternal hell.
No comments:
Post a Comment