This is what I search for, why I think so much, why I always insist in knowing a reason before I do something, insist on knowing the whole backround of whatever it is that I am participating in. The reason I must know why and how its done its so that I could find what I am missing. I cant always depend on luck, if I find something thats good, I want to figure out what made the situation good, so that I can stay in that state. For instance, someone tells me that I have to be careful when I walk, because there are killer monkeys around that steal people’s dignity. If that person would not have told me, I would have probably not have been careful, and therefore lost my dignity. But I cant and should not walways depend on third partied to tell me about killer monkeys, so I change my lifestyle so that I always pay attention to possible killer monkeys. But being careful about killer monkeys is no good if there are black holes that swallow you whole, you cant just pay attention to killer monkeys, you must pay attention to any kind of danger. The person told me to beware of minkeys because he thought it was something I didnt want. Something I dont want is a danger, I dont just pay attention to monkeys I pay attention to dangers. So how would I change my lifestyle so that I always be careful of what I do, so that no kind of danger gets to touch me? I would have to consider those things that are important to me, and consider all the ways that they can be taken away and protect. So when I see that my dignity is important, I consider maybe monkeys, how they would be and what they would do. So that now I dont need the guy to tell me about the monkeys, because I already considered them.
Bad confusing example, here is another one. I read a story about a boy who is trapped in a well, and he dies there. If he would have looked around a little he would have found the exit. No, nevermind, I am trapped in a well for days, until a guy comes and sees me and tells me I am ridiculous because I havent found the obvious exit. He shows me the exit, and I learn something. I could learn something basic and simple, but narrow: whenever I am trapped in a well, look for an obvious way out. Or I could learn a more comprehensive, and general lesson, not just a rule, but a way of life: Whenever I am trapped and I feel like I am stuck forever, the exit may be most obvious. And so if I had this lifestyle in the well, I wouldnt need the guy to come and tell me, but I would look for an exit myself and think nothing of the incident. So now I have this way of life, to look for an exit when I am trapped.
By using this I learned to always ask what if, because somethings can only be figured out by asking what if. I find myself asking, how the hell would I have ever thought of that? (this is the important question that you need to ask so that you do not depend on others or chance). And the only answer I am able to come up with is, well I guess I would just have to use my imagination and ask “what if” as much as possible. (I bet its not the only way, but the only way I can find).
So here is a what if for the well situation. If I am trapped, I should not give up hope and think I am there forever, but must find an exit, sometimes it is obvious. What if I am trapped but i dont know it, should I look for an exit? Well if I am trapped but do not know it then the exit would not look like an exit. If I am trapped, do I want to escape? Well if I am not satisfied with the well, why should I stay. The if I think there is no exit, then that means that the exit probably doesnt look like one. So how the hell do I find it? I guess I just have to use my imagination, once again.
But we have drifted away from the point. If I want cake, I dont just want someone to give it to me, I want to know how they got it so that later I can do the same. Even if they tell you how to get a cake. Are you always going to wait for someone to tell you how to get something you want? If I want something, I dont just want someone to tell me how to get it, but I want to know how I should have already known. So when I get something by luck, I dont just say, “Hey! Lucky me”, but I try to understand why and how I got lucky, what actually happened; so that I can keep doing the things that made me “lucky”.
I feel like its hard for me to make the point, but maybe its just because its that simple. Or maybe what I am trying to say is a speck that goes deeper than what I have said.
I think I am trying to answer why I ask why I have to do certain things and I am not satisfied when people say, “just trust me and do it.” Its because he is considering something that I am not, and I want to know what aspect of life I am failing to consider.
Another possible point that I am trying to make is we never know what may bring what, or what may let us free. But we are always taking risks. We can learn a more comprehensive rule if we anologize things, and generalize the things that happen in our everyday lives, if we find more meaning in them.
And so I think of friends, and how sometimes they have problems, but I must still accept them, even though they have problems. If we didnt accept people with problems, we would have no friends.
I figure out how to get a girlfriend, but I ask myself: “if I wasnt so good looking, how would I do it?” I pretend that I am not good looking, and develop a sense of humor. But then, if I didnt have looks or a sense of humor, how would I do it? Because I have learned before that sometime the answer is an unexpected one, I find myself using my imagination, without hesitation, disregarding the risks, I find that making faces at people will get me a girlfriend.
I think the point that I am trying to make is that it is important that we do random things, and that we ask ourselves, “how would have I come up with that?”, to conclude that it is important for us to do random things... why its the root of creativity, and originality. The importance in learning new, in exploring, the importance of taking risks and doing things that you dont know what you are doing because soon you will understand.
So when I consider how I would come up with something, I think, “What is it that I should have been concerned about? What things should I have been thinking? Looking for? Etc.... ”, basically, how would this idea come naturally to me? (as it would be in my way of life to keep an eye open for these things) what perspective of life would I need to have? To come up with such a thing? What kinds of things would I have to value? What things would I be paying attention to?... What state of mind would I need? What kind of person would I be, for these things to come naturally, and easy to me? and when I see that those things that I thought about would have given me the solution, I cherish those discoveries, because they may be useful somewhere else.And so thats how I work (or try to) then when I see something, I ask myself, what kind of person would I need to be to achieve these things?
And so I ask myself, what kind of person would I have to be to be original? To be expressive? To be authentic? To expose the truth? To be wonderful? To be amazing and glorious? So that everybody can relate to? What kinds of things would I be concerned about? What kinds of things would I value? To take risks? to talk to angels? To not be afraid to use my imagination, to see things in the air? To pay attention to the mystical without insecurity? To stand up for myself, to not be ashamed, to be transparent? To let everyone know the truth? What would I have to be? What would I pay attention to? What would I do in my spare time? What would I be concerned about? What would I pray for? What kind of state of mind would I have to be in? When I think of such... what am I suppose to feel? How am I suppose to feel about such? When I see such... what is suppose to come to mind? This is my point... but I am still not satisfied, because I have not accomplished this myself.
First, I need to make a list of what I want to be... then I need to figure out how to make them come naturally to me... or figure out who or what I have to be for them to come naturally to me... or what kind of person would these things come naturally to, and then become that person.
Music style, how would I come up with that? Consider if I had the mind that created that style, what direction and motivation would I have? And this true empathy will guide you to the spirit of the creator. Only like this will you understand the true spirit of the musical sound.
And could this be? Why music speaks so deep to our soul? Because our subconscious arranges sounds according to our lifestyle and our God, our concerns... and so when we here a song we understand, we hear what keeps playing in the mind of those with these sounds. And when we truly understand the sound we become them, them at the time of creating the expression of this inspiration, a song, is a message from my inside. I write my songs with passion, not with guesswork, so that what you hear, is truly something I have felt, not just something I have found.
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