September 30, 2009

I didnt think it was necessary at first,

but I am trying too think of last semester's

situation in the eyes of others...  what would I have done in their place.

I have thought alot about it, and what I have derived seems like an ass-kiss conclusion.

But I really wonder that this may be my difference:

I am usually attracted to things I dont like,

but when it comes to other people,

I am repelled by OTHERS not liking me,

and so I end up naturally developing negative feelings towards them,

but even if I dont like them, I am not attracted by them out of consideration.

So what things did I do, to ensure that someone who was selfless and considerate, and that WOULD get along with me, would be able to settle terms with me?

I remember I sat alone everyday at lunch, no one bothered to sit with me.  Maybe they felt threatened, or maybe they felt like if I didnt want their company, like if I would reject them.  What if I saw someone like me do that?  I am sure I would approach me specially if I had all the confidence my friends could give me, but not these guys, they dont get out of their circle once they have it.  Some one would have to be pretty high energy to do something like that, and I guess I am ever the only one, with that kind of energy.  It would be different for those who were not from my hall, I would not feel as much responsibility, they are disregarded, and forgiven.  Unless I interacted with them, and even then they avoided me or did not bother to greet me, and if I had never greeted a person who now I could see that they had a problem, I would not feel worthy to talk to them.  And I would not have accepted easily talking to someone who talked to me only when it was obvious that I had a problem;  so this situation is cleared.  So I would at least greet them, that is something I would do, to someone I have interacted with before,  I kept an eye on those who were used to greeting me, and I would accepted them talking to me; I was open to these, but did I ever give them a chance?  I even took the initiative to talk to a girl from my hall, which I thought she was ok with me, she told me nothing was wrong, I hung out in her room for a while too.  She never bothered to interact with me afterwards, she didnt feel like she needed to.  I also wanted to talk to a girl from my hall, but she was sleepy, I think I would have sacrificed sleep if someone like me, all of a sudden came to my room like that, maybe it wasnt so “surprising” for her (she sure seemed like the kind of person who would be), so the conclusion that I am going with is that, she didnt want to talk to me, or didnt care,... she didnt ask me the next day, if there was something I wanted to talk about, or if I had came into her room at night like that, it was totally her turn to make the move, if it really interested her, and I guess it didnt.  [Im starting to get the idea that I would have gotten along ok with these people but I held high standards for what would have been mediocre friends.]  I also hung out at the lounge alone, and it was perfect for those who really wanted to, to approach me.  I did that alot, and I noticed that when I was in the lounge, nobody else would come in. And those who did, preffered to have least possible interaction with me.  I think I made myself seem approachable enough for them to invite me somewhere for something, I would not have turned down anything.  I think this one perosn would have been fit for this, at least right after I talked to her about me thinking that everyone was mad at me (even her), she said she wasnt, but she never tried to interact with me after that, so (even if it might not be true) it would make sense to think that her lack of not caring what I thought about everyone being mad at me, was to show me that I was right, and that everyone is indeed mad at me, and thinks I am weird, so not only is she not confronting me about it, she is reinforcing it in me by not trying to take care of me in that aspect, she is saying “and what”.

If they were ever just friendly and shy with no negative feelings towards me, really: Its kind of like they expected me to make every kind of initiative, they already had their friends, so there is no reason for them to bother with me.  Until of course, I expressed my dissatisfaction full force, but that meant my grace period was over.  I was not going to take any pity or friendship from anybody based solely on this reason, those who were allowed to approach me, were those who had been ok with me before. of course I would not completely rejected the others, I would just make it harder for them, to show them that they couldnt do shit to be nice to me after they had been selfish all this time.

Duty

File Location:  My Words/Completion (What we know)\Achieving Awareness\Methodology\Express (Outward)/Duty

And now, I realize that I have a responsibility to raise awareness of everything that goes on in this Truth.  I shall not be ashamed of the Truth, whenever a question is asked I will reply with the truth, because the truth is what Is, it is what is real and present, it leads us to understand our world more profoundly and accurately, it may not lead us to predict an outcome, since the domain of the unknown remains infinite, but everything that we become allowed to know, is the truth.  

Again, it is not possible for us to Know anything, but just like even though we are not able to live, but we must still take advantage of our opportunity to use our body and move around with it and use it as we will, we must also assume the responsibility of acknowleding existence as what is True.  That which has happened must be recognized as it is.

Still we dont really Know any Truth, and we must take into consideration the fact that what we think is a Lie, may actually be in Existence in some way or another.   We must be considerate of the possibilities in Existence and not call anything a complete Lie.  All we can do to accomplish our responsibility to stand for truth and that which exists (so as to represent that which Is), is to be as frank as possible, and to not knowingly mislead beliefs that we consider to be false.  Sometimes we may come accross situations where we must “lie” in order to expose a greater truth (story of the prophet who lied to the king), but then afterwards, the truth must always prevail.

We must be aware of that which Exists, the I AM.

                Alot of times we forget, out ability to exist, we complain and frown because of how the world is, because when I look out the window at night, I see no lonely person dancing around for the sake of life, because nobody joins that lonely person, or because that person is not approachable;  because there is not someone out there that stands up for themselves... and that is because we have forgotten that we are able to exist, why is it so lonely outside at night? Because there is no one there... you can take that spot, since you exist,  why does nobody stand up for truth? And who will stand up for truth if one that is able (yourself) doesnt bother to do it.  And why does no one join the person who stands up for truth? If someone would stand up for it, would you join them?  you blame the world for being so dead, but you forget, that you are part of it, and you forget that you being part of it means that there is hope.  There is all kinds of people everywhere, they hide alot, because they see no one else, the tragedy presented is that there are many of them, but they are all hiding because they dont know that there is others like them.  there must be a beacon, and there must be harmonic understanding of what the beacon is, so that there is no rejection.  Because sometimes, though the opportunity is present and exposed, even though there is someone standing up for truth, no one wants to join them because they are afraid that the beacon may be a lie, or a trap. (here I tell the story of a society that murmurs victory if someone just stood up, then when one finally does, and expects an uuprising, there is no action, because the people question, because they are afraid.  And so we must see the beacons for the hope that they are presented to be, we must weigh the risks beforehand, beforehand become aware of the possibilities and weigh the consequences, and we must do this with our imagination.

                And so if you are thinking of something that someone should do, remember, that you have the required criteria.  You exist.  It is your duty, to assume the role that you wish there to be, thats why the thought has chosen you, to manifest it, it wants to be birthed, and it has chosen you for hope of existing, allow the Unknown to work in you, and it will make you great.

                If  you complain because you dont see the lonely person at night, we must go out and be that person.  If you complain because no one joins you while you are being that lonely person, you must join the lonely people you see at night.  If you think that those lonely people that you see are not approachable, you must think to yourself, how do you know they are not? Because of how they look? How do you look? And are you approachable?... “Yes I am approachable, but only if...”, well then thats the way you must approach a lonely person that goes out at night to dance for the sake of life, and that would not mind being approached only if...  And to know how to identify these you must be aware of how you look, to yourself.

                So to find others with a certain spirit, you must have that spirit, and observe how you look, how you act, and how you expect others to find you, and what would make you tell the other person, “you have found me”, instead of lying.  Also address what would make you lie... and other possible essentials.

                The point of all this is to BE the person that you wish there was.  Since you have the ability to exist, you can make this person exist.

Now to go into detail, the simplest way to express so that those that you would want to find, would find you as them who someone like you would search for, is to, outwardly express in words.  

Unknown

File Location:  My Words/Completion (What we know)\Achieving Awareness/Unknown

One of the things that you need to pay attention is the unknown.  Alot of people ignore the unknown just because it is unknown, but one can see that this is not a reason for it to deserve ignorance and lack consideration from others.  In our minds and in our actions, we need to leave at least a little room for this infinite subject.

So how would oone be considerate of the unknown?

First we have to realize that it is there, better put, we have to realize that it is everywhere. That, it is the only thing there is.  There are certain assumptions we have, but we must be considerate of those that we dont have, and, first, invite them to be part of our assumptions, (what if, what if, what if). Even then, even when we bring things from the unknown into the known, there is still infinite unknown left.  To take care of this, you need prayer, or, an action that may seem unnecessary, but really it is for an unknown reason.  If you think you need to do more for the things that you already know, think again, because our lives are most dominated by the things we dont know.

So even if we dont know why we should do certain things we must follow and act according to them (and these could represent ANY), as an offering to the unknown.  Just like if we do not know why we feed children, but we do anyways for the sake of the unknown, then we realize that those children were hungry all along.  And (this is a reprimand to myself for acting depressed EVEN when I feel the reason why I should not be, but I still dont act happy because I have not found the reason to not act depressed and confused, I wanted it to reflect the fact that I had not examined the reason why I should act otherwise, and so I did not know why I should), but as an offering to the Unknown, and its possibilities I must act like everyone else? (this sounds stupid)  but I should not just follow the social laws of this life blindly not bothering to examine the reasons why we do these things, in a world where people exist, this may lead to the blindness and fall of whole societies, not bothering to be aware, giving up their minds to death, for not reflecting on the things of life, those who do not bother to reflect and examine and be aware of the reasons to live, should may as well offer up their whole lives to the Unknown.  And of course this is something that we should always do, because no matter how much we become aware of there will always be an Infinite amount of Unknown.  But because of the greatness and unknowness of the unknown, this does not give us a reason to act like everybody else just because you dont know you have no reason to act. A sacrifice to the Unknown is a sacrifice to the Unknown, this means that the reason why you do things should be unknown, if you find any reason to do what you are doing then it is not unknown anymore, and you are not sacrificing for it.  If you started an action as a sacrifice to the Unknown and you discover a reason why to keep doing it, then it is something that you have discovered through the Unknown.

September 28, 2009

I need to remember to branch out the source of meaning and its power over our and reality.  What ever we see, we decide what meaning to give it, and it makes our reality. We decide how to interprert it; because of its infinity it doesnt matter what it means, but because our inability to see infinity, we think it does.  When we see something, we should be creative and give this one thing alternative meanings.  We must also learn to express these meanings efficiently, so that one who has never seen any expression like yours would not be confused, but rather moved and dazzled at your interpretation.

I also need to address the role of death in life, what is death, how can you obtain it, why would you want it, what are the things that lead to death.  Which also explains immorality.  And how it connects to not following what it means to live exist and be aware.

September 27, 2009

Dilemma: should i care about what other people think of me.  I always dont, buy now its getting me in trouble... i should disregard them, their prejudice and shelterred minds get me pissed.  I should disregard but ill get in trouble.  And i should point out the fuck it is whats wrong with them siisy ass cant stand shit i do, them immature freaks get uncomfortable when the proff cusses or ssays the word rape, or talks about greeks and sex with children, or talks about other culture’s cusroms and rhey say its crazt and only americans are sane... i call that immature and i aint gonna fall short of living just cuz they cant stand a little life.  If i am “considerate” ill think of their prejudice and be pist all the time wondering who carries those traits. 

So i could be open all out and get in trouble... or be considerate and be pist...  or i can, not assume that everyone i see is out to get me, but just listen to opposing sides and argue with those specific ones when they... probem is, they never ome up cuz they are too coward to confront, so change of plans... not express myself, but when they show, out of casual conversation, then you will attack.  But i dont want to hide... that is unlife.  I guess you just have to give people chances,, you cant just assume anything of anybody, you just have to meet people. The trick is... that since your love for people is conditional, that you may go through times when you are first, nice to a person and expect good of them, but then after you getto know them you hate them... you would be doing the  same thing that you hate.  So since my love is conditional, I cannot love people i dont know because of the chance that they might be in the condition that i hate.  So to fix theproblem i must love unconditionally, or forget the fact that the perso i am talking to may be that which i hate. And its not that i hate certain people, but that i dont want to bother people that dont like me, with my presence, those people i hate, i just stay away from them cuz they hate me.  But i must understand that not everyone hates me, and there are those that actually like me and cant wait to meet me.  I just need to talk to them thats all,  I dont know who is who, so the essential need is to talk to them.

Things to writ:

Those who are ashamed of their nature, I wrote it on my mirror and got erased by Sanam (she is so hot and tall yum) and now it came back to me and I have already saved it on my laptop..  I will not be ashamed of my nature, I have told Arianna about this, that normal people are those who try to be normal, so if you are trying to match society’s ideal image, then you are normal, because that is what normal people do, (what I seriously dont get is that our culture encourages individuality, but this conformist idea is stealthily killing it, without anybody noticing it.  So this is what most people do, they want to be “normal” so they deny and lie about themselves, they mask their nature in order to satisfy others expectations.

There is a problem at whitman, they dont talk, because there is oppression, oppresion from a popular idea and stuff.

The better way to raise a child, to let them wonder.  The way I came up with this I was trying to be creative and watching circles on the street on my way to abundant life tabernacle.  Then I saw the silliest comparison with the tiny slope bumps with the manhole caps, and I thought... only in a dream... but then I though, what if in real life? Was there ever a time when I would wonder this in real life?  Yes, when I didnt know, when I first started off, when I would ask, and when I got the answer, I didnt wonderr anymore, not once I ve been given all the answers.

One thing I want to answer for myself, is the question that people ask but as usual they dont  look for an answer, the question is, how does the time go?  You know like, when time passes by and you dont even notice... you work on things and all of a sudden you are in the future somehow... you dont notice how you have passed your life, you have forgotten all your struggles, your joys and everything you have done, and when you are finally on your deathbed you wonder, what happened to all that time you had to live when you were a child.  Where did it all go? How does the time pass by so discretely? How can we not go back to the past and look at what we have done, or change anything, everything we remember is with a sense of nostalgia, but we can not relive anything, they are locked away in that realm of our memory.  How does the time go?  If I answer this question I bet I will be able to satisfy my nostalgia, as if the past was the present, as if everything I have done was for a reason, and I have left nothing behind, and when I am on my death bed Ill say, “and thats how time goes...” we must stare at the beauty of it, we should not ignore the fact that things are being done and time is passing away.  So I wont feel empty when it is all over, and I will be filled, satied, with the events of my  life.

I also need to remeber the feeling that explains why it is ok for a person to live by faith without knowing really what God is all about, but only faith in His salvation.

Possibilities

File Location: My Words/Completion (What we know)\Achieving Awareness\Methodology\Explore\Objects\Possibilities/Possibilities

There are times when staying in one place will eventually get u somewhere, but if you dont know your chances, then you might as well leave, because chances are the same inside or outside, they are both unknown and to choose you flip a coin.

And it is much healthier to deliberately explore the possibilities, if you have been doing the same thing for a while, having the same lifestyle, then you are most likely manifesting what you already have, and so you are not getting anything new.  If you keep doing the same thing, then you will most likely get the same results.  Of course there are cases in which you are suppose to do the same thing over and over again and keep the same lifestyle in order to achieve great exploration... like hitting a wall for example, you never know what will happen the next time you hit it, it looks like you have no effect on it, for a while you dont even see results, but if you keep doing it, pretty soon it will shatter, after all the invisible weakening.  Now in this ordeal i can think of three cases,

1)      You dont know the effect – you  might as well try something else with unknown possibilities.

2)      You know the effect -  And you can keep pressing on to accomplish goal.

3)      You know the effect – but you decide to explore the unknown possibilities, so that maybe there is (something that changes the possibilities of your effect on the wall) another way to break the wall in order to reach your goal.

Studying these three cases helps you decide, the best route towards exploration, but in conserving time, (which is necessary, when you realize that our time alive is limited)

Now in order to  explore, when you come across a decision, you should ask yourself, “do I aalready know what will happen if...?” if you do know then you shouldnt be choosing it, because then you would not be living anything new.  (and to do this, you just have to always do what you dont expect to do, or do what you DONT feel like doing.)

Example: So why do I decide to get good grades? If i know what it will get me...

If i get bad grades, ill most likely end up poor and not having time to think,

I I get good grades i will be rich,

There seems to be no sense of life here, its only a decision between being comfortable or not, and this really should not matter for its own sake, if anything we must choose to get out of our comfort home, which means to achieve exploration...  So we must look deeper

If i get bad grades it seems that I will be stuck in one lifestyle... maybe

If I get good grades, I have more choice and a broader selection of what lifestyle i am to choose.

and to do this, you just have to always do what you dont expect to do, or do what you DONT feel like doing.  If you want a sandwich, do you know what will happen if you eat it? Do you know what it is like to  get your cravings satisfied?  If you do, then eating that sandwich is unnecessary for life.  Getting used to this will require you to always go against your immediate route.

Now because of the great amount of unknown, we can not say that we can control where possibilities lie, and we cannot declare that, possibilities only exist in certain places or by doing certain actions. 

Now you live in a world where there exists possibilities, it seems like the number of possibilities changes in each setting, but I think that this only appears to be so according to your beliefs and state of mind. The way that your mind works is that you dont have to be conscious of your beliefs in order to act according to them.

Reasons why it may look like possibilitiies are unevenly disbursed.

According to yoour state of mind, your beliefs and your presupposition of what should happen:

1) you may have already accomplished  it but you dont realise it.

2) You have act according to a believe that makes you not WANT to manifest that possibility in such area.  (to prove yourself right, or you think it is morally wrong, or you are just afraid.

3) The opportunities are always there but if you have not taken the time to be ready to accept it when it comes, so you have to see other things being done to make you FEEL like you arre moving to get the hang of things happening and you accepting them.

So it all has to do with if you want it or not, sometimes you think you want it and that you want to savor it and feel it, but you dont want it enough to realize that you already have it, to realize you can get it anywhere, or to accept it when the opportunity actually comes.

It makes me wonder what the nature off desire is?  That, if we want a cookie, but we do not reach for it, does it mean that we do not want it?  I think it may have to do with the fact that we do not treat our imagination the same as our reality, because when we imagine the cookie, we reach for it out of our desire, but when it happens in reality, we are afraid of it, there is something that holds us back from manifesting that desire in reality.  Like people that have rape fantasies, if they were ever really raped, they would be terrified, and so they only want the situation manifested in their imagination.

So when you want something, dont just desire it, dont pretend like you want it when you really dont.  If you have a desire for it, you should ask yourself, do you have a desire to have it... in  real life? if I really had the opportunity to get it, would I reach for it? If it was given to me, in reality, would I accept it?  And this is something that alot of people have a problem with, they spend their time wanting something and complaining because they dont have it, but in the end they are not satisfied or they are terrified of the way reality gives it to them, they want the imaginable version and so they think they want it period, but what they dont think about is that they may not so easily accept the version that reality offers them.  Now this does not mean that reality cannot match the fantasy in their imagination, what is in their imagination can become real, but that really narrows down the possibilities for it. Although one may fantasize, there are certain thing sbout reality that they dont consider in their fantasy. 

Example: a typical girl fantasy

I wish a random guy would come and just start making out with me.

Things this girl had not considered:

If he is random:

He could look like anything, and it should not matter

He may have a disease, and you would still make out with him

He might be your brother.

He may want sex afterwards

He may want sex beforehand

So the problem with people wanting things and fantasizing their desires is that they dont consider all these possibilities that reality offers.  So when you want something, you must ask, what if... what if... what if... would you still want it?  And just try to address as many conditions of reality as possible.

Possibilities

File Location:  My Words/Completion (What we know)\Achieving Awareness/Possibilities

In trying to be aware, it is important that you become aware of as much as you can.   Another one of these things includes being aware of the possibilities.  Whenever you come accross a decision, or are just starting your day off and expecting it to suck, you must do a mental exercise and come up with as many possibiblities as possible, whether they are plausible or not, come up with a certain number just above your capacity.

You must get used to doing this because the more you do it, the better you get at it, and you will be more constantly aware of possibilities. 

Once you become aware of the possibilities, up to the implausible ones, figure how you would accomplish such.  You should figure it out as much enough to show how the implausible ones would be possible.  And never deny the chance of them happening.

Possibilities are everywhere, in anything you can find am opportunity for anything, but it is up to you to see it, and to go through it, to put on the suit that it offers, and to admit your desire with an actual course of action (because there are times when one wants something but when the time comes and the opportunity shows up they hesitate, as they get closer they begin to wonder if it actually matters to them, if its worth it, and so the action never gets manifested).

And as an offering to the unknown possibilities you must accept responsibilities to as much as you can.  If not to accomplish but at least to learn, and even to fail.

And whatever situation you may be in you may learn that all possibilities are within reach.

Then there is a prayer to the Unknown.

Outward Awareness

File Location:  My Words/Completion (What we know)\Achieving Awareness\Methodology\Express (Outward)/Outward Awareness

Oldest date modified:9/21/2009

In achieving awareness, one must seize the things that life offers and make a best effort to keep these life elements in their being.  One should do this by paying attention, at least to those things in which he is interested; one must woder these things out and explore them and every aspect possible of every angle of everything;  aside from all this one must NOT forget, because when one forgets, all he ever observed will become like it never happened, when one forgets is like he never lived through those things, it becomes the death of those parts of him. 

But since I have as an assumption, (that I have decided to live by, but not believe, I should do according to it, but I shall keep in mind that there is always unknown in everything, and I shall keep my mind open to any other possibility and interpretation), the responsibility that I must do accordingly is great.  I have to be considerate of all the possible “external” minds, and care for them as for myself, I should care to raise awareness in them.  And just like in myself I decide to pay attention, to at least to the things that I am interested in, the way I decide to explore and remember, so shall I encourage life to these other minds in this apparent existence.

And since there is always unknown, I have to be aware of other possible minds other than my own and the ones I observe.  So even when I am alone I shall be expressing, I shall be trying to raise awareness and existence in those minds that I can not observe.  And I have to be also considerate of minds that are not like my own; for example a mind that gives more attention to things that it is not interested in, or minds that achieve more existence by sacrificing their awareness somehow.  We never know what works for them or what works best so we should always try something differen (and see if we ever sprout anything into existence, but even if this happens, we should not keep the same technique, we must search for other possible ways to bring this about).

So the theme here is to express, express, express.   And always make a prayer to the Unknown for the things that we do not yet know. 

And so, this file is not about my identity, because I already established my thoughts on identity else where.  But this file will be more about how these other minds see me, how I express, in order to raise awareness, and it is natural for people to judge people on their outward expressions and name that their identity, so it will seem that I am talking about my identity, when in fact, I am only talking about the sum of all my expressions, which will seem to constitute my image, and which will in fact be different for each person, because eeach person will pay attention to different things and judge differently according to their state of mind, so that the image that “I have” is not mine, because it has notthing to do with me, but it is actually only what a certain individual uses to guide itself while interpreting, reinterpreting, or in trying  to interpret, “who I am” or what I am thinking, or what kind of values I hold.

And this to raise awareness in others, is such a power

My Body

File Location:  My Words/Completion (What we know)\Achieving Awareness\Methodology\Express (Outward)/My Body

9/21/2009

My identity: I am not me, I am not my body, if my body would change, I would still be me, I am not my body, I HAVE a body, but I am not this body. If I was my body I would be able to know everything that goes on with it, because it would be me, but I dont even know what my face looks like.  Everybody else knows more about my face than I do. I own this body, I use it, I must learn more about it, and for the considering of outward expression, I must know what I show, and how I look to everybody else, to all those other minds that think that I am my body, that I am this face.  And I should control what I express, just like I keep myself in control with what I want people to think I am, my image, my body is part of the expression I give, it is the first impression.

Those Eyes:     If it is true that there are other similar minds as mine, then they are not people, but inside them, when I look at someone, I cannot see their essence, I can only see their face, but they are not their face, their face is a physical manifestation that we use to identify a (seemingly) constant individual, one that when it experiences, it keeps the nature of that experience as a memory.  The identity only tells us that.   When I meet someone, I shall not look at their face and say that it is them, I should realize that the being that I am looking at dwells behind the “identity” behind the skin, under the skull, within the brain, through the physical barrier.  The eyes, when soomeone looks at me in the eye, I feel as if they are looking at ME, at the I am within my body, this is why it is said that the eye is the window to the soul? But who knows where my soul actually lies... because, when they look at me in the eyes, it is not that they are looking into my soul, it only feels like it  because of the effect when they look into that organ which perceives, it creates an effect, looking into that which looks, seeing into that which sees, its not that you can see everything behind it, if you look youll see that the only thing you can see is a receptor, not the soul... this may have been hard to understand in ancient times, but now we have cameras as examples as looking into eyes: when you look into the eye of the camera, you cannot see who is watching or every person and time that someone is going to be watching you, the same way, you cannot look into the soul.

“ But if you are not looking at a person’s soul when you look at their eyes, how can you “look” and make contact with them?  living in a world where eyes are not windows to the soul but only receptor organs, it feels like there is no way to contact the soul within the body.  It feels like we are all just separate and blind beings not able to sense each others existence, even with all our other senses, there is no sense of security like our sense of sight, so if our sight is just like any other sense, it makes me feel like there is no way to reach the inside essence of a living body with the maximum security that their soul actually exists.”

Exactly, looking into another persons eyes makes us believe that thats what we need to have the security of the other person’s soul’s existence.  But once we realize that our sense of sight is just like our other sense, that we cannot feel, smell, taste, or hear the other person’s soul, we remember that we cannot even see if the other’s soul really exists or not.  And we realize that the only way we are connected from soul to soul, is by faith.

Faith – in a world where Knowledge does not exist, faith is the best replacement.

By admitting that we cannot see the person’s soul through the eyes, we remember once again that there is no way to know that other people actually exist or not; though you live as they do, keep an open mind, and do not believe it as Truth.

So with this in mind, and that my body and my face are not me but merely a vessel for my consciousness.  I am glad to have possesion of this body, I am grateful for the opportunity to live in the physical world among all those other similarly chosen (if they are real).  And as I live as if there are other similar minds beside my own, I understand that my body, this vessel is a tool to express what goes on in my mind.  And, apparently, according to recent “discoveries” in science, my body is also a tool provided to me to be able to be, to store memories and experiences and everything that I am (and in this sense I am my body.  But I already pointed out that my identity does not depend on my experiences or memories, which makes ME, just an essence ..\..\..\Depth of the Assumptions\My Identity.docx)

So I am not my body.  But as a LIVING ESSENCE within this physical vessel I have been given the opportunity to do with it as I will... and i will, believe me I will.

So I am not my body,  but when I look at my body it is what constitutes my identity, so I am my body, but I am not my body, but rather I have it; when you point at my arm, you are not pointing at me, you are not even pointing at part of me, but at an extension that is connected to my essence.  I am not my body, I am an essence, and I carry this body and everything that it stands for.  I carry this identity, but I shall not let this fact let me forget that I am not this identity, I am not this body, I am an essence.

When I look at my tummy I am not looking at myself, I am looking at my tummy; when i look at my face it feels like I am looking at myself, but I must understand that I am not looking at myself but only my face, when I look at my eyes I am not looking at myself, but the eyes that I use to see, I cannot see myself, and I dont even think I can be found in the physical realm, I dont even think that I would be able to see myself with these eyes, since these eyes are only meant to see the physical; I wonder what I look like, I wonder if I even look like.

So I look at my naked body, in the mirror after I take a shower after I finish drying myself I think, “I think its time for me to dress up now”, then I think,” what are you talking about I am already dressed up, I mean look at me.”  So I imagine my roomate coming in and catching me nude, and he would be appalled, but now its like I dont understand anymore what the big deal is, its like I am not ashamed to be nude, it is my body, it dresses my essence, what more do I need? I dont get it.  I mean, what is the purpose of garments anyways?  (then I realize, “uh oh, if this is what I think of nudity I wonder if I will ever see nude girls the same way, I wonder if it will still turn me on or just disregard it as an extention of their essence.  If this happens then it will be true that it is tthe inside that counts, but we must admit that the outside reflects what is on the inside and even though I am not interested in how beautiful the outside is, I am interested of what it reflects of the person’s essence; but this is a totally different subject.”).  Though I have found no reason to cover myself up, I know that I must out of consideration towards the rest.  So I teach myself: “this, is an underwear, its called an underwear because you wear it under your clothes that you are about to put on.” “But why should I put all this on?” “Just trust me”, “uhh, I really dont think this is necessary, I really dont see why you are doing this.” “just put it on, and we will talk about it later, but right now, you have to go out to do your homework, and to go out you must put on some clothes... Now these, are pants, you wear them over your underwear” “but I am already covered up, why do we need more?” “we are going outside” “oh its to protect my legs, cuz my skin is fragile, right?” “sure” “hey, dont I need something for my upper body?” “this is a shirt.... now when we have time we’ll talk about how clothes are not only for protecting your fragile skin but they are actually to cover up ur body so that nobody sees it.” “but why would anybody be concerned about that?” “I dont know, well talk about it later.”

So it is important to know what I am, what impressions I give with which movements, and so I must be aware of what I do... so how will I do this? I get creative and come up with ideas!

The following are only examples, you should really try and come up with some on your own if you really want to follow this, it is also important for thinking critically and creativity.

Mirror- practice different facial expressions,

Camera-record yourself and your movements, realize that the person on the screen is the person that people will believe that you are.

USE IT!!: this is your body, this is your face, this is your ability to raise awareness, to exist. USE IT!!!

Things I have done:

Now I dont do this to look good or to get attention or to gain popularity, I could not care for such vulgarities while I realize my imminent death,  I just want people to become more aware of life and appreciate it for what it is.

Clothes of all types and uses, each garment releases a different energy, expressing a different emotion.  My image, what I wear has an effect on the outside world. I cant just ignore it, I must learn the art and use it.  (Do not ignore anything).  Spending alot of time in front of the mirror, going over each garment, to see its advantages.   Or at least check yourself before you start off your day, to decide what expression you will be giving with such, but if you havent gone over each one separately, do not choose.   If you choose you will be inclined to go with something thats familiar and never realize how the other garments could be used.  So when you buy clothes, dont get what you like or else you will be conforming yourself to only one expression, and that is not variety.

Spetember 15, 2009

Music class, we listen to a song by Franz Schubert, Gretchen am spinnrade, a woman sings about she is thinking about her guy, and how she feels and  desperate and anxiety, and his... kiss, the most emphasis in his kiss.  Really? Woman do that? And i now understand that it is true, I used to think that women were asexual beings who didnt need men, such sexist emphasis that our society provides to our minds, had kept me blind from the utter similarities between male and female.  Since I have accepted this, I still have trouble believing the degree and the actions sometimes, my ex had never masturbated, my other had never masturbated, my friend had never masturbated, so and so and so, so they never think about it right? Asexual beings, or complete conformist liars.  Anyways, this song, it truly is a different world, guiding  my thoughts with this new belief.

Use Concern

File Location:  My Words/Completion (What we know)\Achieving Awareness\Methodology\Interest/Use Concern

The obvious things to wonder about is things that concern you.  If something concerns you, then it already has your attention, and you are already interested.  If it concerns you, why would you ignore it,  whether its a good thing or a bad thing, or a useless thing, you should not ignore it.

If it is good: then figure out how you can obtain it, or realize that you are able to lose it, and figure out a way to keep it for longer.  Or think of how it can be a good thing to lose  it. (the possibilties are endless practice and get used to coming up with possibilities by becoming and practicing creativity.)

If it is bad, think of what you really want and how you can fix it, or how you can change your focus or perspective to see it as something that you accept.

If it is useless, think of why it still concerns you even though its useless.

Creativity

File Location: My Words/Completion (What we know)\Achieving Awareness\Methodology\Explore\Imagination/Creativity

Already addressed in other files, I will emphasize the importance of creativity and the use  of imagination as a means to explore.  Creativity is essential to look at perspectives, to understand, to build, to increase awareness in all, to explore not only physical aspects, but mental and emotional, spiritual aspects, to gain experience, use your imagination, your creativity. 

Where ever you go just find ways to be creative,  just do something different, in every chance you can. You think you have no time? Risk it, remember that without this practice, you already know what your life is going to turn out to be, and is this really worth living for? Something you already know, somehting you have already been through? Something you do everyday?  Remember the unknown and everything you would do for it, remember that you have chance to live and you should not give it up for some low paying job that will enslave you for the rest of your life.

Remember that you dont care what happens as long as something happens, because somehting new, something different is something  good. Its a new world, it is your duty as a living being to be curious and to experience different things, search them out.

The more “places” you go, the more knowledgable you are in life, no matter how rich or poor you are you get the satisfaction of being more aware.

If you dont want to risk you can start small, or make big decisions with things that you know should not affect your everyday living routine. Like take a shower with cold water this morning, or start showering at night instead of during the day, if you always wear black, wear white this time, if you always say “hi” say “hello” for a while, or challenge yourslef to do things that are not important but that you are not used to doing, if you have an obsessive compulsive disorder, then tease it.  look out for things youve never done before, and cherish them.  Order something different next time you go to a restaurant, always do something that YOU do not expect from yourself, do things that your comfort keeps you away from, if you dont want to do something and dont feel like it, do EXACTLY that, comfort keeps you comfortable in your home the place your always at, but you must disregard that hole you are stuck in, make Life unlike your home, but a mansion that you have so many rooms to explore and a lifetime to ekplore them, dont live in the same place for two days.  If you are comfortable, go somewhere else and learn how to be comfortable there, then explore somehting new.  If you are comfortable, you are becoming numb and you are dying,  your body tends to go after things that are familiar and comfortable, it tends to aim towards numbness, but it is obvious that anything that is good, artistic passionate, is not because of its numbness.  You dont go to the movies to watch your homework, you dont go to amusement park to walk to the store, you go there to get uncomfortable, something different, excitement, something that confuses you, (weed). and become obsessed with mixing things to make something new, even if they are just stupid things, but they build your creative spirit. 

One of the most obvious indicators of opportunities to finding something new, to be creative, is that feeling of uncomfortability.  Once you accept, it is typical to let your insecurity keep you from truly accessing the connections of this new world.  But you must be creative and think of why this situation you are in is good.

Make an effort to see why good things are bad and why bad things are good, (although it may not be a good idea to share them as you may become annoying... unless you find a reason why its good to be an annoying person).

But never stay in one personality always change always something new.  And when changing becomes to much of a routine... stay the same for a while.

If you practice finding new things then you well get good at finding new things, until your mind gets used to it and it becomes second nature to search out Life and explore.

Now with creativity constantly, imagining reasons and interpretations of what is, you can develop a habit of seeing a brright side to everything.  A type of this, is  seeing an advantage to every situation life puts you in, “when life gives you lemons make lemonade, when life gives you a pile of crap, make manuer usable for crops and what not.”  This is a very preffered perspective to have because you can never go wrong, example: Prentiss I saw a girl, I thought, if I was planing to talk to her how would I do it? I was cleaning tables, I would go put a dish away at the same time she did, so we would meet at a spot.  The opportunity was there,  I went too early, did I ruin the plan? I tried  to see how it would not only “still work” but how the opportunity was even better for interaction.... I could wait, and make everything seem unintentionally awkward, and that would have more impact on the interaction, which is good... I didnt wait did I ruin the plan? Now that I didnt make the interaction, but now that I had gone first I had time to turn around and look at her eyes, maybe even say hi. I didnt say hi, and this was even better because... I would have made a fool of myself ... etcetera, or something. 

So this state of mind is meant for you to look at how each situation and detail means that you have an advantage, it doesnt matter how deep in dung you are in, you are to see how it all works to your advantage.  But thats not what Life is all about.

You are not always going to look only at whats good for you, but you are to aim is to explore as many perspectives as possible, an efficient state of mind (for this purpose) would be one that is always changing.  So you would probably need this state of mind to realize your advantages,  it is always good a state of mind that makes you more aware.

September 14, 2009

I just came from core class, I saw a girl from my hall on the way, then I saw her friend the one I liked I forgot her name, I thought of how her friend was cool, she probably never even reported me, that would make.  I think here is a  good summary of what happened, I got reported by so many people because of so many things, I dont know exactly who, and I dont know exactly what, and so I start thinking its everybody because of everything, well I admit it may not be the case, but its ike I have no other choice, people dont want me around, because of something  I do, I dont know who it is, or what it is exactly what I am doing; I must be considerate for these, but something as general as this, its like I have to change who I am for the sake of these people.  Change who I am for their sake? And thats a disgrace.

How to Wonder

File Location:  My Words/Completion (What we know)\Wondering/How to Wonder

To wonder about ssomething

You must give it attention.

(but you cannot just give it attention, since you can give your attention to your television and your mind will still be idle). 

You interpret it.

There comes an immediate interpretation, which is the first thing style of interpretation that comes to mind when you first give your attention to a certain, object.   (how is this possible? Why does this happen?)

Different objects have different immediate interpretations (why is this true?  How does this happen? Could it not be that the lack of the first style of interpretation brings the second style first?)

And just like you interpreted it, you can interpret it again

You understand its meaning

Then you figure out what other meanings it could have.

Wondering = searching or even constructing meanings of obects.

Why = What is the reason/purpose/meaning?

How = What are the causes? ..\Contemplations\Attempts\How and Why.docx

What if = Lets interpret this another way

First you wonder why? And then how?? ....Or do you wonder both jointly? Making why and how one word? ... Or maybe just why?

Example: a booklet on the floor..

(wonder) what is it doing there? “why is it there? What is the reason/purpose/meaning for it being there?”

Interpretation (answer): no reason,

(wonder) what is it doing there? “HOW did it get there? (WHAT ARE THE CAUSES that lead it to get there?”

Interpretation (answer):  it was dropped,

Alternate interpretation: it came from no where

(wonder) how would it come from no where? “why would it come from no where? What are the reasons that it would come from no where?”

Interpretation (answer): [no reasons] or [randomness]

(wonder) how does something come from no where? “How does something come from no where? What are the causes of something coming from no where?”

Interpretation (answer): randomness

(wonder) how do things appear randomly?

Interpretation: well they just do, just like everything else!

Here we have used wondering to come up eith one interpretation of things that everything that we see and not, everything that is, is a result of random events.  We will not get into whether the things that arent are also a result of random events because that would require more interpretation.

But there is still another property we must consider, another step in wondering.  This other step is the question, “what if?”  This question serves to consider other possibilities that may also be true but that we have missed.  With it we look again, and get a different interpretation, a different world, and if we want to be as comprehensive as possible in life, this is what we must do.

What if = What is the result of such and such condtions.

Memory

File Location:  My Words/Completion (What we know)\Achieving Awareness\Methodology\Memory/Memory

                I do not consider myself to have gotten any divine revelation, so the following are not to be considered Truths, but in accordance to my word, they are only assumptions,  assumptions from observations, (the only Real Truth is that there Is).  Since these “laws” are only assumptions, we must keep the fact in mind, and never reject anything new, unless it is inevitable, (unless it is inevitable: if it is inevitable, then you should reject it to experience the side that you would not, a little more... more experience means more Life); and we should Never stop searching for The Greatest Truth of all which is God.  For this reason, none should take my message as given; yes interpretation will be necessary, and yes, it should be multiple interpretations; because even if I say nothing but Truth in my words, the way it is received may not be as efficient.  So we need to look for God by ourselves even if we have guidance, and we must pray that the things I am about to say may serve for growth in Life, so that from the words you are about to hear, whether they are right or wrong, that you may assemble many and Life giving interpretations, may your minds be blessed with True Life.

So before you do anything,and carry on, you must remember the basics.  But even before you remember the basics, you must wonder about memory... WHY do you want to remember and HOW do you go about remembering, and after you answer it, you should ask, what if thereis a better way to remember?

Why: Learn/Remember:  Emotion, when you have passion into what you are doing, you have a drive and you have interest, you have a motive to learn, and so you will learn by your own will.  Not only that but because you are interested you it will have morre of an effect on you.  Keep in mind how things have turned out and the seeming causes, so you can have it for later use, become an expert in reality because the more you learn, the more is the life that is in you.  The more perspectives you have are all the worlds you have conquered.  You have chosen life, now let life be yours, remember everything about life, and never forget anything.  Have life in your mind.  In every case that you are interested in, ask.  Now because forgetting is a prominent problem for human beings, OR because remembering is so important, it is important that you wonder about it. Remember – what good is it to have a great and amazing life, if you dont remember it it would be like you never had it.  If nothing else remember’s it, it would be like they never saw you.  It is important to remember yourself and about others, so that you can have proof that you have lived.  If memories are truly accounts of the past.

How: If sometimes you find it hard to remember things, you should not give up to the fact that you are not able to remember, if you really want to live, you would not leave anything to the forgotten, you would make the effort to keep in mind everything possible, let nothing through you.  Whenever you just cant remember something, dont just let it go, when ever you have the opportunity to be aware of something dont dare to ignore, even when its a “curiosity kills the cat” case, sure you dont want to lose your awareness over gaining a little more, but you must remember that it should not be the case that it is the awareness itself that kills you, in a world where infinity exists in every detail of Reality there will always be a way to obtain a little more awareness without losing your present awareness.

If you want to remember > then you should remember, the more you remember > the more you remember, it makes sense.  According to what we have learned about our bodies is that, the more we use it, the better it gets at doing what it does, if we dont use it, it becomes weaker, so if we want to remember, all we have to do is remember more.  The more you practice remembering, the better you will get at it.  So remember whenever and whatever you can, specially things that are hard to remember like dreams, and what you ate a week ago... (remember, this is to improve your memory and you shold try to remember  things that are hard to remember, if its easy for you to remember your dreams and what you did a week ago, then you should remember things that are hard to remember.)

Keep in mind, as many things as possible, try to be aware of many things at once.

Drink alot of water (for blood to the brain), breathe alot (for oxygen for blood to the brain)

Consume food that are good for memory...

Fire retardant chemicals in mattresses, upholstery, television and computer casings and circuit boards have polybrominated diphenyl ethers, or PBDEs for short, found in a variety of consumer plastics.  Studies have linked PBDEs to learning and memory problems, lowered sperm counts and poor thyroid functioning in rats and mice [source: Underwood]. Other animal studies have indicated that PBDEs could be carcinogenic in humans, but that has not been confirmed

What if: (do research on imporving memory, insert here)

Interest

File Location:  My Words/Completion (What we know)\Achieving Awareness\Methodology\Interest/Interest

For one to make an effort to pay attention, and to wonder about something, first there needs to be interest, something that answers why they should do such a move,  something that catches your attention, but what does something need to have to get your attention? I have mentioned before that anything can be interesting but you must find the right way to look at it?  So the answer to become interested in something is to use your imagination to find a world, a world with such beliefs, a perspective in which a subject looks interesting... to find the right way to look at it.  But the question still remains, what is the right way to look at it? And what makes it the right way (other than achieving interest in an individual)? What is it that causes the interest? And what is interest exactly?

So what comes first, interest or attention?

When I give it my attention, I see that it is interesting, OR because it is in some way interesting, I give it my attention.

The interest comes from you, if you dont want to know, then you are not interested, that doesnt mean that the subject at hand is not interesting.  But sometimes a thing can catch your attention no matter how disinterested you are.  Its startling, no matter how dead you want to be.  This is because of the higher stimulation, (I wrote about situational stimulation and sensual stimulation before I took Davis’ class).  Remember that the more you feel the more it awakens you, it doesnt matter how much your desire is aiming for ignorance and death.  Out bodies are formed so that we cannot ignore the verb(? What about people that meditate and they like are completely out or something).  Anyways, I guess the fact that you cannot ignore higher forms of stimulation, and that it catches your attention, means that you still have some desire or element that  wants to live and feel.  But interest comes from within, when something cathes your attention it is because you are interested in living that much, that something of that magnitude, (classification of magnitude depends on yourself) awakens your senses, and makes you want to feel.  If you have more interest in living, then what ever you classify as  something that will make you live, you will be interested in.  But you can still reject when you fear something, even though it makes you feel, why is there rejection? Is rejection just another stimulation, or is it the result of classifying a subject as something that will not let you live?

So how would one make themself sensitive to smaller stimulations, so that they are interested in smaller stimulations (possibly everything).

The magnitude of the stimulation comes from the classification of the individual, so its not about making oneself sensitive, its about classifying things differently.  So you classify it into something that interests you, if you like harry potter than you see the harry potter version of it... no? Or you classify it as it is, but you try to understand the art in itself; you dont try to pick out what you like from it and make yourself the “herry potter” version of it in your mind.  But you make an effort to consume it as a whole, and you see the art in it, you see the good in it,  you try to understand it as it is, and you understand why to love it, what it makes you feel and in what state of mind you have to be in to enjoy it.

What it is that makes for you a state of mind can be checked in “worlds” file (..\..\..\..\Worlds\Subject Matter (worlds).docx)

:: for something to be interesting it has to have an unknown factor, for you to want to figure it out. But there are things that you dont know and you dont care about... so wats that all about? For something to be interesting, can it only be intricate but not unknown?  For something to be interesting, do I just have to classify it as something that spurs life, that catches my attention and that stimulates me so that I feel? Feel something... feel what?  What is that feeling that I search for when I have a dream to accomplish, that once I reach it, I realize that it is not how I pictured it, unless I look at it with the eyes of when I first dreamt about it, only then I feel as if I have reached a dream, am I still interested even though I am satisfied?

So from all this it seems that interest is not the primary goal. But to find ourselves in interest we must engage in perspectives, but to engage in perspectives we must be interested in living... and so we are forced to live, so we can choose.

So if to engage in perspectives we must be interested in living and vice versa, is there a way that this pattern is self-propelled once you give it a kickstart? Would that not mean that once we are given life we become eternal souls?

I feel something, I wonder what it is, so I am interested.. I wonder about it because I am interested, but where does interest come from? I am interested because I feel it, I feel its essential wonder, the things that I say to “I am not interested” it is because I do not feel its essential wonder, it is dead to me because I dont know it.  and this essential wonder keeps us in interest, until, we forget... but if we remember, we continue to love once again, like the first infatuation.

Does the incentive for interest come from the body?  How do you deal with hunger, if you are full, can you imagine and convince your mind that you are still craving? (no because when you lose the interest (you forget how you felt when you) of being hungry (and the art of eating), you realize other interests that you have forgotten as they were fogged down by hunger.

 Experiment – does the incentive for interest come from the body?  interest comes from an internal desire, a craving of anything, and you reflect it by respond to it in a wrong way, you dont know what you want so you express it in a wrong way, you can become interested in anything, because of the desire of being interested.  (if the incentive for interest comes from the body, that would be bad, because the body is corruptible and as we get old, we may lose that incentive... when we die, of course we will lose it, but how slow will it go away with age?  The more aware you are able to be with your body, the more you are able too feel the essential wonder.  Conclusion: There are things that lower your body’s ability  or desire to feel the essential wonder... (so far no experiment has been done) but the experiment should now answer a different question, does this such action, lower my ability to wonder.

Post conclusion, is there even such thing as lowering ability and desire to wonder? Or is it just that we misinterpret or do not know how to accept or receive the wonders from a particular source other than the things (those that “do not lower your ability to feel essential wonders”)

Essential wonder receptors – we all have them but as are raised to pay attention to only certain things our receptors are only tickled when we pay attention in the manner that we pay attention to those certain things.  But if we open our minds, then we will learn different ways to pay attention, if we are not raised to exclude, descriminate, if we are not taught prejudice, we would accept more ways to pay attention to something, and the wonders would be felt from every direction.  But still, we must consecrate ourselves to the Unknown, asking it for its blessing, to keep us safe as we practice our curiosity, as we avoid the inevitable. 

Now the more senses you have, the more ways you are able to feel essential wonders, you use your senses, you make an to pay attention, you observe the world and you use your imagination to interepret what it means.

Interpretation- because humans live by interpretations, they cannot see facts as they are, the interpretation comes from your mind.

You doont need to be interested in something to wonder about it, you can wonder why its suppose to be interesting, and as you give it your own interpretation, it may be one that initially interests you, if its not, then you should figure out what it really is. 

What it really is? Dont you just mean figure out an interprtation that interests you?

Uhh, yes. But you cant stop there for the sake of Life.

Even if you already found a way, it doesnt matter how best it may seem, you must look for others, whether they are better or worse.  Worse is good because now you know how to work in such conditions, or because now you learn more about the factors that make it go.  Better is good because... its better.

So the conclusion is... Listen

So ones job is to look for as many interpretations as possible, but what distinguishes, and is it correct to discriminate interpretations that are interesting from interpretations that are not? Does degrees in interest exist objectively?

The interpretation is something we make up on our own, the interest that we have in it is what we are able to feel from it.

And when something gets your interest, you must wonder about it and develop a world out of it, something useful, anything of anything.  When ever  we are interested in anything it is our duty to satisfy it, because it is a priviledge and an aadvantage that we must use. If we, as living beings are suppose to explore and rape this life as we love it, we are suppose to stuff ourselves with awareness of the things that interest us and the things that dont, but that still exist.  We are suppose to wonder about as much as we can, and it is just easier when we are interested, so dont let these interests fade.

..\..\Wondering\how to wonder.docx

Whatever you can give your attention to, do it for the sake of awareness.  Whenever you have a chance to observe, something look around

Open Mind

File Location:  My Words/Completion (What we know)\Achieving Awareness\Methodology\Explore\Open Mind/Open Mind

“What is Truth”. And this is why it is important to have an open mind,

Open mind = So I may be wrong... I will listen

Admit that you may be wrong and seek to learn more.

-“Carefree Life”

-Learn as much as possible, NEVER ignore, the more knowledge/information you have at your disposal (whether the info is true or false) the more truth you have and the more ready you are.

-“Accept Opinions” If you dont like something, it is because you dont understand it.

So do not even reject ideas from yourself, have consideration for any input you get from anybody, even from yourself, do not reject any ideas for the sake of another.  But be open to anything, and accept wherever you witness integrity.  But do not judge things by their cover, look into them and search the truth in them.

Addressing Conditions

File Location:  My Words/Completion (What we know)\Achieving Awareness\Methodology\Explore\Open Mind/Addressing Conditions

There is a pen, on the ground, what happens if I reach for it, then I clasp my fingers around it, and lift?  The result is, I pick up the pen... right?  Yes but there are things that we usually ignore to address because we consider them constant.  Within the intructions of how to pick up a pen (or anything) you can NEVER be too exact, there is always something that you need to address.  So how do you pick up a pen?  You reach down and clasp around it and lift.  The things that I forget or disregard to address are called assumptions, like: it is necessary ffor me to have a physical body, for the pen to not be imaginary, For you to reach down for it with your body and not with your mental hand. 

All infinite number of things may be addressed, even the things that seem to have no connection, or  that have no effect.  Like would it still work if the sky was pink?  This seems like it wouldnt matter, the rest of the laws of nature would be the same right?  Even then the chemical atmosphere that are needed to make the sky turn pink may affect the friction of your fingers of your physica body so that you cannot clasp hhard enough to lift your hand with the pen stuck to your fingers, so you would have to reach under it somehow. The instructions are different because you need different conditions in order to reproduce and manifest a desired effect.

Remember the Unknown, just because something works does not mean it is the only thing that works, just because something seems to work does not mean it will always work.  Because Reality is so infinite that each moment is completely different that not even a memory can reproduce the exactness of a moment will never again be manifested the same, it will ever stay in the place, and time where it happened unique frame, individual infinite. 

 So when something happens and we want to reproduce the conditions in order to manifest tthe same effect, but it will never be as exact as it was because of the time that it happened in. When I was in kindergarden, I would tell my brother that he couldnt do exactly as I did. I would do something and challenge him, he would do it. But there are details about me that he cant reproduce, he couldnt makehis face look like mineI would tell him, and to do exactly as I did he would have to be in the same spot as I was and done it at the same time I did.  So he could not reproduce my exact action.  He could only form a similar representation.  But it would never be the original action.

And possibilities Our goal is to be aware of as much as possible right?

And when we are studying how to reproduce an event we must take into consideration as much as possible.  If you got a girlfriend, and you wonder how it happened you must cnosider as much as possible, and think of all the conditions that made the event possible, and also you should wonder what the event REALLY was.  How were you feeling? (how you feel can have an afect on the outside world, the fermones you release, the emotions you express)  How was the sky? ( was it daytime night time, was it aa rainy day when no one is outside)  Where there any kittens around? (you never know you might as well write this down, its about being aware of as many things as possible, keep an open mind and accept that there may be a possibilty of how something that seems stupid and unconnected may have a very real effect).  What did you do that daY? (maybe something you did caused chain reaction) What did your friends do? What did other people do? What were they thinking? What made them think that? (it could have  been what they ate that they) and give me more and more questions because it really never ends...  what you ate the day before, (you know this can have an effect)  be aware, and dont ignore it, but  have an open mind and try to figure out ways that anything can be true, and of how these conditions bring about such result) Always, always, there is always unknown an pray, pray to Unknown about these things, for blessings, because he knows all.

And when you have conditions, you should also look at and exercise looking at possibilities.

What if:

Or

What would be the result of such and such? (such question type would also include the initial conditions that you have figured out yourself... What if the sky is blue, it is daytime, I am physical, the pen is physical, [all these conditions you should be aware of as you expect something to result from it, if you fail to address all the conditions then there will certainly be a possibility of getting your prediction wrong, and since you “cannot” behold all possible conditions in existence that would result in an event then you always have the possibility of having a wrong prediction.])  what if: (all the conditions you can address from an observed result), then it should result in what you are observing.. right?... wrong! Because there is still Unknown)

September 11, 2009

Music class again, a girl sits beside me, we both got here early this time, only me and her, “were here early”, she said, as she noticed we weer the only ones in class.  There was no one else so I talked, I asked her if she knew how the quiz was going to be like, she told me,her voice was deep type, she gave off a psychotic look, like the kind that makes you think of someone insane. I asked her if she was a music major, she said maybe. Usually, undecided students are first or second year, I asked her what year she was, sophomore, but she took a year off.  She  said maybe she wanted  to major in studio art, drawing charcoal etc.   I thought I shouldnt mind the look she gave off, its the same look I would give too a stranger if I was at a place like whitman,  She wrote a name, big letters in her notebook, Joe Wheeler, I wanted to ask her about it, she probably wanted me to notice it. She draws, flowers and an elephant, which I expect to forget.  I think she is beautiful.  I have always done this since I was in preschool, since I remember, I just like girls.

I remember I had a conversation with Crystal about being at whitman, I told her that I wasnt where I wanted to be, I told her that I wanted to get away, and now in another state I  wasnt satisfied, even though I was somewhere else in the eyes of others, to me I was still “here”.  And how could I get out of “here”? I would have to get out of myself, out of my mind? I would have to be somewhere that I am not.  I thought about it, and realized I was always where I was, and where I wanted to go, was somewhere I wasnt.  After a while, I learned to appreciate things in such this way.  I thought of it as all being in my head. I hhad to give myself impressions to make myself feel as if I was somewhere else, I had to look at myself with the eyes of me not here, then I would feel like if I  was somewhere where I wasnt.  Then after I had the problem with whitman college and after all the emotion, I realized that this was just what I wanted, somewhere where I would have problems, somewhere different, this is what I was after something new, something to learn, and this is why I want to stay at whitman, because its just what I wanted, God help me.  Now today I realize I dont just admit the general but I see witth more detail that I am indeed somewhere else, after I have also felt good about being around people that dont want me around, even after this I see something new to appreciate, that back then, when I wished to be somewhere else and did not feel somewhere else, even though it felt like I would be lying to myself to tell me that I have finally escaped, I realize now that I would feel escaped only after I admitted the truth to myself; just what I thought would be a lie.

September 10, 2009

I am in music history class, there is a girl sitting at my right, she has short black hair, eye shadow, and smells like spearmint, she is chewing gum today, I wonder of she is planning to kiss me.  Brown eyes, I like to look at her.  Chipped nail polish on her fingernails,  black, with her purple lead pencil she writes a name, “Eliza” ... “Music”? “History”... Then she writes, Eliza Young. When I got back to my room I looked her up, she lives on my flor. Eeeeeeeeee!!!

About 2 days before yesterady, I was in my philosophy class andv as I walked from it (I sent a txt message to my ex about this) I wnodered about those feeling I ever had, that made me go crazy, those thoughts, I realized that, it was things that I shold be doing, worlds I should be expressing with my being. Yesterday in class Proff Tom Davis mentioned the emotions one has when they are babies that they dont have the words to express, it is a really painful experience so they forget. I told him that it was not the case with me, I had memories from like 1 or 2 years old, and I can remember recognizing the emotion even though I didnt really know how to say it.   And so he must have been talking about the feelings I get when I go crazy, but I go crazy, not because I cant express it, but because I feel a strong “duty” to express it, and I am not doing it.

There is this girl with a nose ring, in my philosophy 201 class, its 2:38, Im not sure of her name, she has a green shirt religious “coexist” and drinks water out of a blue crayon, the way she looks at me,  it makes me wonder, the look she gives, its kind of sexual, well thats howit makes me feel, I wonder I knew what her mind was like.  I used to catch her looking at me, I wonder what it means, she stares at me as much as I stare at her, we take turns though, I wish I knew what to do to make it so she doesnt get tired of looking at me.. how would I control this part? Or how could I move forward.  What do I do?  All I can do or should do is be myself, display myself, show bits of who I am.  And i should be aware  of this, even when I think no one is watching, this makes another rule that in all times, I live, I live by making others aware of my consciousness, or express myself and what is insiide me, my truth, my thoughts, who I am, display and not hde, at all times/

Senses

File Location:  My Words/Completion (What we know)\Achieving Awareness/Senses

Make people aware of their senses, When you awake their senses, and some, they should pay attention to those senses, and should be more aware of alot of things.  Play with their senses, so that they realize and remember that they have them.

Use all senses you can find.

Smell:

Touch:

·         Pain

·         Pleasure

·         Pressure

·         Strange

When you stimulate a sense, you either accept or reject it, strong touch senses are usually rejected and seen as pain, but if you accept it, you will realize that it is only a strong stimulation, to awaken your senses.  If you reject it, you are rejecting your awakening, you are rejecting awareness and you are rejecting life,  when you reject what makes you feel as much as we reject life when we are in pain, we dont want to live, we cowar away from living, from feeling.

Sight:

Taste:

Sound:

Time:

Emotions: