This is a doctrine that says that we can do anything, since we should not be afraid, sometimes we think that when we are not afraid we may do something wrong, but it is our fear that keeps us from doing the best, when we think something is best, there is always better, but we cant think of anything else, because we do not let go, because we care, because we have a goal and a will of our own that we have not given up to the Lord, because we have laws that we insist that God should work through. But letting go is hard, I know this, so how do we let go? We just chill.
Now I want, my goodness, I have no idea where I am, I feel like I am not suppose to be alive, I feel like, cuz the worst thing that can happen is that I die, so I shouldnt be afraid, but I still have no motivation, I think its because I am still afraid so my blocks make it fell as if there is nothing to come out but really its that I am not letting it out. Like if I am alive, and its a blessing, but so what. If I was not here everyhting would be the same, I have no purpose here. But I know for a fact that the reason I am here is my opportunity for great things, but why? Why should I go in such direction?, it surely doesnt look like it because there is many people that are in the same place and I dont see anybody else do anything, so why me? But the reason why I dont see anyone else is because they are asking themselves the same question.
So my question is... okay, how do I start? And when I think of this question,it makes me wanna pee, I’ll be back.
We must learn to accept ourselves, not be proud of who we are or what we have, because when we are proud of who we are, we become afraid to let go. We say we dont know how to swim, but we are afraid to learn because it will change who we are. We are proud of our faults to the point that we think they are part of us, that they are in our genes, that God has willed it so, but our plans. Or the plans that Truth has for us, isnt always... is NEVER what we think.
Its like when thought I had ascended because I felt like I had no soul, I feel the same way, because I cant feel anything, but I did it in a different way so that even though its the same feeling s before, I still believe it must be not. So if its the same, maybe I am just concerned about something, something I thought I let go, but its still there, till hidden, and it happened behind my back, so that I dont know what it is, and now I cant identify it. since everything is as good as the other, I have no sense of whats good and whats better, no sense of beauty in the new (in life?, since life is the new...) So this must be the opposite, I thought of this before, that ascension is not, being dead inside, so that I do not feel a thing, this is descension into not existing. Ascending would be becoming alive, would be having passion for absolutely everything. Would be seeing the new and wanting others to feel the same, but, I have my excuses at the moment, like how one shouldnt rape, to allow others to be happy, but of how others should rape, to allow others to be happy, they cancel, and I do nothing... I think the correct answer is, they cancel, so I am free.
This feeling started when I thought about my niece had to be careful when she crossed the street so that she wouldnt get ran over, but if she was careful, that would be a rule, and if she wasnt she would die, and what good would it be living freely if you cant stay alive? Then I thought, why would it matter to stay alive if I could have been dead millions of times before. I feel like I am okay if things come along, but I feel no need to bring things on.
I think the things that torment me here, in my house in my family are inhibitions, I decide not to start here or there so I do not begin doing anything. I decide not to start here or there because I dont think its allowed. And so my world is as closed as ever, because I do not believe there is anything, I am blind again, just like the times before, and this is exactly the correct opportunity, to observe how I open up.
Lets see, when I was afraid of chucky, and therefore dolls, the thing that allowed me to not be afraid was thinking that I could take him, down, or making love to them, or allowing them to kill me... why is it night time already?
I play video games to escape, because in them I can do things that I cant do i real life, but why is this? Real life has way more pixels than any video game can accomplish, yet I feel more unable here, more bound down by rules. If only I had the same ambition I have in video games, here. We are all bound down by fear... what is about reality that once we meet a similar sceneraio we encounter a similar fear. What is it about our imagination that it cant play out the same inhibitions we would have in reality.
Nevertheless, the reason why I feel like this is because I have lost sight of my purpose which is ti manifes the the essence of Life in my opportunity of existence. But the ways are more than we think, when I see that the only wayy to express life is byu existing but this prejudice is only through my own eye, and in reality even the non-existent expresses Life, but now I think that this belief, this lie is the result of sin, anything that discourages action, anything that encourages rejection; these are the same, as they encourage death, and numbness, inaction rejection of the expression of the purpose of our birthing and our existence. These are fears, sadness, closed mindedness, blindness to what is obvious, lameness to better lands of dance, deafness to the new wonders of life, and muteness as not being able to let out those words that explain, the actions that express. Now I want to live, how do I do this?
These are things to keep in mind, be glad of everything that happens because at least someone in this life will be satisfied because of it. Be aware of all these possible beings, do not close yourself from the possibilities, they are everywhere, but your disbelief makes htem invisible. Do as you wish to be done. Be true to yourself as you wish people were true to themselves, sometimes they act like everyone else because they dont know any better, in times of blindness. Oh have mercy. For they do not know better, they do not know what they do, how they reject the truth, how they keep themselves blind by running away from what they are afraid, by not uncovering the veil of what they deny to be true. By leaving beauty to be itself, instead of finding the reason in beauty. What is the purpose of beauty? Is it the same as hate? I have not figured this out either... maybe its something that makes us live. Something that makes us alive again, something that lets us see that something in the world, somehting in life truly does have meaning, and therefore worth living for. Hatred and fear on the other hand, are in themselves closedness, not being able to accept, rejecting to uncover the truth behind it, so it is the same reason why something remains beautiful, because of the truth that is not uncovered. But we see that there is much more meaning than what we accomplish to see. This is the meaning of life, everything I see and all of that which I do not see but that I aspire to. Anger, is the rejection of this higher meaning, and sadness is the result of this rejection, to not accept the fact that failure can be beautiful, that being disgraced may be desireable, that everything in life even what horrifies us the most can be beautiful, that in reality we want to give up our virtue and honor, our lives to worship this Life that has granted us this gift, and that we live for; we fear the infinite meaning in life, and therefore we remain sad and feel empty when we find that what we have is not enough, but our fear still keeps us from accepting the new, the infinite, what comes.
So in this way, beauty and fear serve the same purpose; in the way that it makes us focus on a certain aspect, only one interpretation of the symbols presented. If this is true then I should be able to find beauty in what I fear, and fear in what I see as beautiful, they should present the same emotion... and here: when I fear something, the beautiful is that which I am not willing to let go of, my lust for the unholy, for the earthly belief, and pleasure. When I feel something is beautiful, I focus on it because I fear that my interpretation of it will be something else, so I search for things that will reinforce what I already believe about it... but I proclaim my desire, “prove me wrong, please, for the sake of my life, prove me wrong” So what about the beauty in which I see more than the meaning...
Hold on I just saw them both, I switched from one to the other... right now as I am playing tea party with my niece she gave me a pink fork to stir my tea with, I stirred scratching on the sides, I felt good to do that; but then I thought, what if I didnt? So I didnt and I felt like it was nothing, I considered it death, I considered this nothing, I considered it inaction, but then I thought to myself, is not this that I am suppose to feel, I am suppose to wonder about this new motion, that is not touching the walls of the cup with my fork. Its not aobut rejecting the friction, its about accepting the fricitonless. And this way, anything is perfect, and anyoine that wants to see beauty will see it, and they will reach the kingdom of heaven on earth, wiith the more they accept. Its not “think happy thoughts” its, “think how happy of those thoughts you fear”
“You will be judged by your own measure” because those things that make you angry from others, will make you feel uneasy, guilty, and ashamed, when you do the same mistake, even the victim does not consider himself a victim.
Still, what makes things better than the good? How or why should we aim for higher and impressive goals... we shouldnt aim for higher and impressive goals for the goal itself but for its nature of it being higher and impressive. Impressive its the word we use for those things that touch us with life, that inspire us towards the curiosity of meaning, the search for a better and more comprehensive, more understanding life.
So what do our emotions mean? Each emotion, I pressume, has a certain connection with meaning. Laughter, as I mentioned before, means that one is assimilating themselves to a new interpretation of the world, perhaps a world which they had not considered before, or one that has not been given to them the chance to fear. Or, sometimes, in the case of nervous laughter, there is the natural aciton which means acceptance, but there is an inhibitor present, one that causes fear, and does not allow the transition to be completed...
And people are okay with this, because, for the typical society, rejection is an important part of morality; and they reject the fact they the very essence of rejection is what makes the nature of sin.
So whats the difference between rejecting the old and accepting the new? It seems that with accepting everything is better, and you play the part better more in tune, even if your part is to act out death, the fact that you are not doing any form of rejection so that there is death within you, allows you to see the possibilities of life, allowing you freedom, instead of being bound to the death that you play. Do not reject the old; accept the new, and accept what ever comes your way, accept the best towards inspiration. The best towards the death of death, the rejection of rejection, which is full acceptance of all there, when no rejection is involved you are not allowed to reject. Reject nothing, and be careful that you do this, all you have to do is remain free, and let nothing bind you down. Let no one be your master, except for the Eternal, and the Living that has allowed to exist for what there is existence.
And this may I say, that the 10 commandments are based on this, that the symbols that were presented with each trangression were a result of fear, of blindness, of obsession of such which is something other than life, of seeing no other alternative, of being less alive, of being deficient of Love. Being deficient of the Love that results in the doors of heaven opening and pouring out the thoughts that are blessings in themselves, and that allows us to manifest blessings into our lives.
I feel there is something wrong in my reasoning. So what about the person who wants to make others live by torturing them to death. And his intention is honest and good, but his method is faulty, can one tell him to reject his method? Can one tell him that he is doing wrong? Or iss it our job to accept his method as life giving? If so, how?
Like the child that thinks not of the effectt of his free movement, his clumsiness, when being around things of value, and this is it. The problem is that we place value on something of ours, something sinful, something corruptible, when we place value on somehting that is corruptible we commit a sin, because first; we worship something that is not Life itself, and second, because now we have given ourselves an opportunity to fear the end or “corruption” of this object. So does this mean we should appreciate nothing? It only means this because we fear accepting the fact that its a sin to place value on things that are corruptible...
If this is so, where did the 10 commandments go?
Should we be forced to be able to observe the physical signs of life, which would be binding us to a certain interpretation of the things that surround us? This being the same as my situation, should I feel bad when I make others fear? This seems confusing, it seems like a contradiction, the inspiration should come naturally, but if it doesn’t I’ll quote myself again, “its not about rejecting the old, its about accepting the new.” Its about being able to let go, its about coming out of the closet, and realizing that the whole world is your abode, that you are a vagabond withing these walls, that all are your brothers, and everything that is done, is being done in the comfort of your own home, that it is all within your realm of experience. And this will naturally bring true justice, and true life.
So when do we have goals? When we see something better... how do we choose our goals? From what we see is best... what if we fail? It is impossible to fail, because whatever Life brings, God is aways Infinite, Truth is always True; and this is where I come to understand how it is good to say that one thing is as good as the rest, because for God, there is always a way.
It is not about what we can do or not, its about the presence of the emotion of rejection, and its minions. We must feel to accept all even if we dont, because this is what is true, that just like the sky (and the rest of reality on the matter), it doesnt matter in which direction we look, there is Infinity ahead of us. We must keep the feeling of acceptance that no matter what or how life presents itself, we are there to take it.
