June 29, 2009

I dont know what to think, every thing I am concluding leads to Buddhism.  In my 18 or something birthday my mom told me that I was the one that she offered to God while she was pregnant.  I have always, since I was 3 if I remember correctly, have considered myself a son of Existence,of God, and always to be in line with Truth.  Now I am concluding that there may not be such thing as Existence... is it the Truth that there is no God?  I feel that all of this has come to me in “such a young age” because of my blessed mom’s offering... but who was she offering me to? When I had my first elaboration on Buddhism, I refuted, as a believer of God, that what could have happened to Buddha and his vision of Emptiness, is that God did not allow him to see His Eternal majesty, (Buddha was fat btw, and this is significant information to note).  What Buddha saw in his vision was God’s doors that were locked letting not in those that He chose to not let in.  I realize that I must have been ignorant to offer such an explanation but there it was.  And now I am coming accross that myself, if there is anything behind this empty veil it is the Most High and His Great lock.  I believe my mom, being a christian and not believing anything else or having any doubts about God, would have offered me to the God of Moses and Abraham (and maybe Jesus Christ), if all of this is happening because of my mom’s offering and I am coming accross Buddha’s highest vision of emptiness, then the only thing left behind this lock is really the Most High.  I have faith, by my mother’s prayer, that God will let me in.

Then I thought, maybe a sign will suffice, but it has to be a sure sign that cannot be refuted by any explanation, a legitamate sign.  But what kind of sign would complete this criteria?  It can not be just any physical sign, or emotional, maybe not anything that would have to do with life.  Would God be able to work a sign for me that is out of life? Of course He can.  But what kind of sign would it be? The only thing I can think of would be that He would let me be Truth itself, maybe just for a second, to let me be God Himself, so that I would truly Know what it is like to Know, and that while I am Knowing, I Know that Truth is Real.  But then again, this would fit in as only an experience, and I probably wont know what it means.