July 8, 2009

So I talk to God, and tell him that I am worried about all these things that may happen if I dont take care of earthly stuff like making money and getting my license.  I mean I have better things to do like straighten out my beliefs and pray pray pray, and talk to God and take notes on what I hear, but there are these things bugging me what if something different happens and I just dont go to college again?  So God asks me “so you are afraid of change? Is that it?”, and no, no Im not suppose to be afraid of change, change is beautiful, change is my life in the hands of God, change is what I want. Like that song from Relient K, “I think we are unto something, we are on to something good here, out of mind out of state trying to keep my head on straight... there is only one thing left to do, drop all I have and go with you! Somewhere back there I left my worries all behind, my problems fell out of the back my mind, we are going in a never knowing, never knowing where we are going, to go back to where I was would justbe wrong, Im pressing on.” :D  So no I am not afraid of change and if I am then I disgrace it and I set myself against it.  But this is an opportuity that I would letting go, I would be able to do alot of productive things.  So God says, “dont you trust that I may have other plans for you?” adn I say yes and please carry them on, I mean I dont even care to get my college degree and to get my license or to make money, I just want to do your will.  But its just that everyone around me thinks it is important and they question with idiot and faithless ideas of how am I gonna live and how will I think to help anybody, and sometimes, even though I think they are idiots, sometimes I sympathize.  And sometimes I am left convinced by the not so idiot ones, and I just wonder if I am wrong so it makes me afraid again.  What kind of work of tHE DEVIL IS THIS?!?! Send me an angel for once, Lord, if you may.