November 26, 2010

I think that my “fetish” for sacred text, comes from the fact that I am able to use my interpretative imagination indefinitely.  Because sacred texts are suppose to come from a logic beyond human’s, it means much frikkin more than what the words say.  As for books of fiction, my imagination is centralized in accord with what the author intended.  You can only mind the text as the author allows you to mind it.  But with a text in which the author is Infinite or No one at all, your mind is free to roam within the words and phrases.]Most importantly, sacred texts are deemed to be true by those who believe in them, as opposed to books of fiction in which even its author and the genre’s name recommend a disconnection between imagination and reality.

In the end, these amazing things I read are just words; the eternal value comes from the processes that my mind makes because of these words.  What is my mind doing? How can I control it to do this?

November 25, 2010

I keep forgetting all I have learned, and my mind keeps going in different directions as it is lured by many different desires.  This shows that I have forgotten, not only the direction, not only the reasons why these desires are meaningless, but the fact that satisfaction is always at my disposal. 

It becomes a cycle, a question/answer cycle.

I become stuck in memories as I replay events I lived hours ago; as if those events were my life in a nutshell, as if the contents of this nutshell composed my whole life.  In memories I dwell, they are my hobby; by these memories I plan my actions, as if the universe will remain as it was when the memory was created.

I can’t focus on my… I don’t even know what I should be focusing on.

What would it be like to have a perfect mentality?

As I imagine my ideal I am sure there is always something missing, and so I cannot begin the process of figuring out a path to it.  To accomplish all that I desire, to have faith in wonder, to see the heaven on earth, to see the heaven in darkness.  And yet, I desire all of these, but if my mind was clear I would not be asking for this, but be satisfied with my fate.

Is it bad that I want satisfaction? – Not necessarily, but you can’t be satisfied if you keep wanting.

I keep thinking that the universe is what I see, and keep forgetting that it is only a reflection of me.

And yet, all I say is all just judgments, judgments of my impure mind, all worthless…

What is it that I am searching for?

Where does God come into all of this?

God is the ALL, the IS.  How do I know that I’ve reached Infinity?

            “Realize that you are alive”

As I am falling asleep, my mind wastes time replaying memories.  Why doesn’t it automatically show me God instead?

If I am so skeptical why do I believe in Ultimate Perfection?  In Infinity?

I believe because I have felt it, I have seen it, and lived it.  But even if it is not real, and it was all an illusion from my mind, it makes striving for anything else seem so pointless.

…………………….

As my mind focuses on torment, I mock it by enhancing my body’s reactions; then I decide to snap out of it.  I notice the room I am in and remember that I have a body and realize that any fate, no matter which, is a blessing for a soul.

I remember I had a body.  These days I have been keeping track of what my mind misses.  As I was going down the stairs right now, I realized that my mind does not bother to keep a sense of direction.  As I get into a movie, my mind fails to that I am watching it on t.v., when I take a shower, I forget where I am and what I am doing in the life outside the shower.

And now I forgot what the point of this was.  When the body is sick or chemically unbalanced, the mind does not consider it as sensations, but the soul becomes part with the body and its sickness.  When one ignores the properties of their surroundings it affects them from deep inside, from the “forgotten realm”, from the subconscious.  The way the automatic is arranged decides what my universe will look like.  I give up my will to my conditioning when I fail to savor what I am absorbing.  It makes the universe work in an exclusive sort of way.  It becomes part with our logic, (whoever thought that math and logic was only a response to the “human sickness” the sin/imperfection of the human body; only one realm in an infinite field).  What we see, what makes sense to us, is mended by the nature that contains our consciousness (let mine be held by that which Is).  Human logic is not like Eternal logic, which is beyond our reach, untouched by human hands, able to solve all problems of the world, and break down all barriers with a flood of comprehensiveness.  Eternal logic can give Eternal peace and/or Eternal hell.

November 24, 2010

           

Why I need Whitman’s experimental grounds:

I am afraid of ignorant bliss; like those that think they live in a perfect world, as long as they keep ignoring the truth.  Like this, they keep themselves from growing, because it is definitely possible for someone to be in denial and not know it: like when one has “nothing to complain about” but they aren’t happy either; or when one believes that they “could not be happier”, and yet, they are obviously not overwhelmed with joy; or like when I used to believe I was on top of the world, but my weakness was deviously developing in the back of my mind, to haunt me in a future time and place (here and now).

Is the problem solved by simply “paying attention”?

Admitting that, as perfect as the world may seem, it may not be so?  Is this enough?

I notice that in my relationship with friend #87, there are definitely inhibitions that are not outwardly manifested.  These inhibitions are only manifested as silence when we are alone, and blank minds when we want to converse.  I think the relationship can improve, but would not I need to first know that there is an inhibition before I am motivated to deal with it?  Well, what if I missed these inhibitions?

What happens, if this, is that two people in a relationship, they do not notice each other’s inhibitions, neither their own.  If they don’t get addressed, even if they may have the characteristics to be “the perfect match” it “just doesn’t work out.”  And no one knows why, but it “just doesn’t.”

I think this is trying to say why it is important to stay open to what is beyond your perception; open to a Most-High God above the Most-High God (which will ultimately be, the Most-High God).

Ignorant are the people who say “it’s funny how that happens” and leave the event as a mystery of the paranormal.  Worst are the unbelievers who say, “that did not just happen”, and do whatever they can to rid their minds of the incident.

Thinking about things is inappropriate because your mind makes of the world something that is not necessarily true; basically, it causes inconsistencies between the mind and reality.

But even if I “clear my mind” the physical world I perceive is composed of prejudices as well.  Will it make it ok if I keep the prejudice but respond to it (when I find out that I am wrong) in a peaceful way?  It certainly wouldn’t be the ideal.  But something tells me that the next step may be to accept this possibility.

November 22, 2010

4 a.m.

The typical worries of mankind are scratching around inside my head. I bet it’s all the television I have been watching, my mind responds and imitates those people I see… I need to stop watching television if I ever hope to clear my mind; stop reading books, talking and listening to people.  What I need is to look at a rock forever... until I figure out what is going on?  If any inanimate object will do, I’ll choose this couch!

Me: “Hey Mr. Couch, how long have you been sitting in that spot for? I bet forever, don’t you ever get tired of it?”  *I bet that couch thinks I am crazy for asking such stupid questions.

Mr. Couch: Stupid biased humans. Just because they cannot stay in one spot for not even a day, they think that everything that is stationary must be in pain.

November 21, 2010

Sacrificial mode

           

The way to obtain what you desire is to give up your desire for it:

Understanding the dynamics of this:

When you get an idea of what you desire, you are rejecting what you now have, and you wish to deny it as truth.

Beware: one cannot just give up their desire by not thinking about it, (I tried this last week when I wasn thinking about getting some intimacy with a friend).  Even if I stopped thinking about it, the desire was still there, except hidden; and I bet it was still indirectly reflected in my behavior and thoughts, etc…  I know the desire was still there because when the subject came up again I would think about her the same way, I did.

To give up your desire, you must look beyond your ideal, and prefer the Unknown God over it, so that it makes your ideal meaningless.

This works because not only have you stopped denying the truth of the present, and not only have you opened the doors to events that are necessary for the ideal to be manifested (events such as the present); but you see the world more as it is and you realize that everything is perfect.  Whatever your ideal is, if externally manifested or not, your ideal will always exist; and not in a far away fantasy sense, but, though behind the curtains of fate, within the present world.

How this connects with the rest… what will one ultimately focus on when they give up all of their desires?

So this concept of sacrifice seems to end up in the right place… but where did it start? And can it be trusted?