September 29, 2011

It does not matter what I do, what I have done, or what I am deciding; what I seek is to agree with what I do.  If it wasn’t agreement, it would not be sought.

“Must” implies “fear”.  You cannot urge someone that “they ‘must’ not fear”.  Remember that you do not do things because you “must”; but because you have agreed with its emergence, and are fond of its every aspect.  Never feel the force of obligation. 

Freedom within the cage, teaches you where to find the freedom you have so that you will be no longer taunted by the cage.  Once the cage no longer taunts you, you will be truly free.  The source IS what there is (what you have), it is unfit to yearn for more.

The way I see that it can work: once I lose my concern about a certain thing, I am able to see why I should not be concerned about it.  My need keeps me from seeing how much I have it, because it indicates that I should have it more; my need makes me see how much I do not have it, and a great severity.  Once I see how it is not necessary, I will see that which keeps me at peace (how much I do have what I need).

Still, because I know there is many ways to “cheat this system”, sometimes I think I should “seek awareness” instead of “being satisfied with what I have”.  But if satisfaction (love for the now) does not bring the blessings, it only means I am not ready for it; I must still pass through this stage.

Lastly: The reason I am not writing these things down is because I do not want a “method to enlightenment”.  I want it to come naturally; I want to learn its nature, its undeniability and necessity.  I want a tautology, an axiom, not a formula.

One of the reasons why I am motivated to stay away from indulgence is because, not only does it leave me feeling empty after the high, but I feel empty during the high.  Last night I managed to convince myself that the reason I felt the need to listen to the song was because that is what listening to the song brings.  The pleasure? No, that is an illusion.  This emptiness, that is how it REALLY makes you feel. 

We fight and rebel like we know the truth,

But when we win the battle,

We see we knew no better,

Than those who ruled before.

In trying to organize these ideas into my blog, I look up different types of paradoxes to be able to label certain categories of thoughts.  As I look at different paradoxes I realize that I am guilty of a couple of these.  So then I begin to write out my most common discords and measure them up against this logical set ups. 

First:

The first one is simple and I already mentioned it today:

Premise:              I must not fear, fear

Conclusion:         I must fear, not “not fearing” fear

It sounds convoluted but that is exactly the way that my mind is deducing it.  I spent a little time to analyze what was going on, and why the conclusion ended up being the opposite of the premise that I was dedicating myself to keep.  While doing this I also kept in mind that “ideal logic” works only with symbols because of this problem of language and the meanings that each word carries… simply put, language (as it pertains to real life) carries a lot of baggage that does not carry over too easily into the world of logic.  So, here I was, trying to be careful about how to sort this out.  I deduced that the reason why the conclusion was so, was because the word “must” carried a force that already implied “fear” (essentially fear of the opposite of what I MUST do).  So that when I said (premise) “I must not fear, fear”… or even, a better example: when I say (premise) “I must not fear”, I am implicitly saying (re-articulation of the premise) “I do, indeed, fear, fear.”  In this way it is understandable where the conclusion (I “must” fear, fear) comes from; so that the premise already has an intrinsic paradox by the time the conclusion is made.  This is why I deduced that it is not a good idea to ever feel the “force of obligation”… and so on.

Second:

Another common discord I have I have is that whenever I “realize” that nothing truly matters in the universe, instead of living by that idea, for some reason I deduce that I must suffer.  I accounted for this tendency when I compared it with the “Paradox of Entailment”: which says that if the premises “cancel each other out” the argument (no matter the conclusion) will always be valid.  This is because when the negating premises combine, they can imply one thing or its opposite or anything in between for that matter.  Along the same lines one can appraise the idea that if it is true that pigs fly (of course, given the assumed premise that pigs don’t fly), then WHO KNOWS what other crazy hullaballoo can be true.

When I see the Universe as a great paradox (premise), I can conclude anything from it!  And what I tend to conclude is a reason for my suffering.

Premise:              Whatever

Conclusion:         I must suffer

Now there is certainly nothing wrong with this logic.  It is just as logical to deduce that I must suffer, just as much as it is to deduce that I must not; and yet, I have a predisposition to choosing that I must.  Seeing my problem written on paper like this, compared to this “paradox of entailment”, I realized what I was doing wrong, and even what I should do.  Since the paradoxical premise of the universe ends up being circular, it allows the conclusion to be “self-generating”.  This is proof of free-will since “anything can be deduced from it”; the conclusion from the argument is not forced by the premises, but is ultimately generated by the PRESENT, by decision, or even “induction”.  But one must still understand that, as far as the purpose of logic, the premises ultimately deduce themselves.  This idea synthesizes with my moral idea that, “it is not wrong to do wrong, but you have no desire to do it”, or as I quote from myself, “It is not necessary to find Enlightenment, but you won’t know that until you find it”, or “Our desires are consummated by [God’s] existence whether we know it or not”; and even the idea of Brahman in Hinduism, that in that state of perfection you are able to see the Truth of Unity, all sense of duality is lost.  There is no difference between right and wrong, and there never was; but people tend to ask, “If there is no right and wrong, then why should I seek Brahman?”  and of course, my common question that tormented me for a lot of 2010, “If nothing I do matters, then why does it matter what I do?” 

Like I said, in essence there is nothing wrong with the argument:

Premise:              Nothing matters (paradox)

Conclusion:         [X] matters (non-paradox)

It is not wrong to conclude this from the premise (because it truly does not matter), but from the non-paradoxical conclusion (it does matter) many things can be wrong… and when the conclusion is evaluated up against the paradox, it ends up being wrong all the way to its founding essence.  Free-will allows us to believe that certain things matter, but the belief itself destroys itself by virtue of it claiming to not be affiliated with a paradox.  As I have it written in July 3, “This statement is false:  It is so because the fact of it being a statement necessitates its falsity”… also simply because from a contradicting premise, the opposite of “[x] matters” can also be deduced.

               

                My final point is that, as far as the purpose of logic goes, “the premises ultimately deduce themselves” so that they can be seen in the conclusion.  So that ultimately:

Premise:              Nothing matters (paradox)

Conclusion:         Nothing matters (paradox)

This is how one keeps their free-will intact; such person will not feel the “force of obligation”.

This is how to allow the conclusion to continue to be generated by the present.

                Having thought about this I acknowledged that my conclusion to “suffer” is nothing more than an induction, although logically valid, it is not necessary.  I decided to observe how it was exactly that I was making this conclusion, so that I could begin to observe and practice the source of my free-will.

(INTERMISSION::: As Master Paramahamsa Nithyananda said, "logic is just another superstition…" logic itself is an “[x] matters” type conclusion, so that any form of thought that deviates from the Present/Truth/State of facts [and in fact, this ends up being any thought whatsoever] essentially seeks to be decomposed back into the Present/Truth/Paradox/God)

So now, I ask the question: “How do I get a hold of this ‘induction’?”

Something that seems to stand out in my mind is that “backwards learning” thing that I discovered on July 20.  I do so by picturing an “enlightened Jimmy” (to figure out its necessity).  If I cannot do this, then I guess I should first picture myself picturing an “enlightened Jimmy” (to understand how it is sensical)… ???

No, the way to “fool myself” into being enlightened is by (induction) feeling good and COMPLETE already, by encouraging and having faith in yourself (again, by induction), by calming down about it and inductively become satisfied.  Because, remember you are NOT seeking awareness, you are seeing that you already have it.

Alright, so basically:
Feel good (like you actually knew everything) + Backwards learning (that results from accepting the “feel good” to actually be sensical) = Enlightenment.

Now, I have to figure out what type of “good” I want to feel (how to make it address “like I actually knew  everything”): Like if THIS what I see, was everything there is to know, and it is true (but I just don’t know how).  But I must pretend I know how because it even tells me how… and it does.  I just don’t listen, so I must pretend to listening, and I do because that is what the fact of cognizance means.  Cognizance means I am in fact listening, just not completely.  So I must pretend I DO listen completely; and in fact I DO listen completely because what I cognize is THIS/Completeness/Existence.

The reason why the present is so, is only because of the present (nothing else [not the past]), and it is true.  There is no other reason why it is so. 

Induction is REAL.  Disatisfaction begs for satisfaction by virtue of itself; and if induction has dominion, why would anyone ever be dissatisfied?  If induction has dominion, why would one CHOOSE to give up free-will?  How could one choose to not choose?

August 1, 2011

Dude!

Something clicked yesterday!

At the store trying to quite my mind; I was beginning to not be able to actually know or keep in mind what it meant to do that.  I reflected on what happiness was, and that idea came to mind, that happiness meant to focus on your breath, and not get distracted by anything; so that’s what I did.

I made sure that I was always aware of the motion of my breathing.  Now breathing changes from one moment to the next, it is not as constant as one may think. When you swallow saliva, or when you sneeze or cough or clear your throat… all of these are interruptions in the pattern.  To be aware of all of these changes, I needed to keep my mind awake.

As I focused on my breathing I felt as if everything I did was right, (as opposed to how I usually felt like everything I did was wrong).  This did not mean that I felt good or happy, but I allowed my emotions to flow and I gave things the right to exist.  I was not concerned whether things should be the way they were, even if I had that feeling of concern, it would just be another color on the canvas, and not a stain.  Then I realized that all of these things that were being addressed, is what I mentioned many times before to be looking for.

It is interesting how it all worked; again, it is like backwards learning.  When you do something, and by doing it repeatedly, you eventually learn what you are actually doing.  If I truly understood the equality of every value in existence, I would not prefer one idea over another for the mere reason that I do not have it, I would not prefer two ideas over the one I had because they would both be the same value, I would be able to focus on my breathing, and not be distracted my any other object, since it would have a value no different than the one I already had.  And so by practicing this concept, I was able to learn more about the principle.

It is really strange how it all unfolded.  It is like: to find the key, you have to first get past the door; it felt like to be able to get past the door I went in through the keyhole, and became the key myself, that gave me access to what I was already doing.

This method of doing and learning things can really come in handy, I think I may even allow myself to begin reading, and getting meditation ideas from other sources… Then again, I don’t really know what to trust so I think I will just make my own path.  But that does not negate the fact that this method of doing and learning things can really come in handy!  Just imagine all the doors I will be able to open when I do not need to look for keys anymore!  I just need to become the key myself!

I have talked about the disconnection between imagination and reality and how I significant problem I had was that I could not bring myself to retain or even truly inherit the principles that I discovered and (in some detached manner) believed.  But it seems like this method would get rid of that problem.  By just behaving like I would if I had already inherited the principles, I can close this gap, and thus make it so that there is actually no disconnection.  All I have to do, is figure out what these principles imply, and by golly, if anything, I have spent too much time doing that… I just hope I have enough of these implications as I think I do.

For a friend:

Focus on your breathing:

The main matter of the experiment is the focus on your breath:

This action should be as continuous as you can make it, this means

That you should not stop for any reason, and continue to focus on your breath

As you do your daily tasks and stuff like that.

Take it easy:

Because I do not want to make you feel like you are giving up your life

For this experiment, and I also don’t want to make you feel like

This is too much of a burden for you to undergo;

I suggest that you take it easy, don’t stress yourself about it,

Just keep trying the best you can without letting it get in the way

Of your preferred lifestyle.  You should always try to continuously

Keep your focus on your breath, but if you really feel the need or desire to

Give your attention to something else for some reason,

Then it is no big deal, you do as you will.

How much to focus:

A lot of times when people focus on their breath,

They just pay attention to it, and just let their minds wander,

Beause they think that since their breath is constant

It should not need that much attention.

But if you paid attention to it enough you would notice,

That there are many skips and interruptions, and that

Your breath is not as constant as you may think.

When you cough, when you talk, when you stand up,

Clear your throat, swallow saliva, sniffles…

All of these cause interruptions on the constancy of your breath

And you should be able remain aware of these, as you focus.

I am not saying that you should only focus on these,

But that the amount of attention you give your breath

Should be at a level worthy enough to distinguish all these changes.

Before I you begin to focus on your breathing I want you to send me a message giving me an elaborate (not necessarily detailed, organized, or even logical, but elaborate as in: don’t leave anything out) description of:

What you think the results of this experiment will be,

What makes you think you will have those results,

And what these results imply (how would they influence one’s perspective, lifestyle, modus operandi, etc).

Once you begin to actually focus on your breathing,

If you get any new ideas (not from a outside source)

Of what may be happening as a result of your focus,

You should jot those down (you may message me or even call

me) while including the source or inspiration of that idea.

I would prefer that you do not consult any “outside sources”

(by outside sources I mean, anything that was not derived from your own cognition

this includes, people telling you, you reading about it, pictures, examples, etc.)

to inform you or even explain what should or may be happening

As a result of your focus, but if you accidently come across

Such information from an outside source

I would prefer to be informed (also by message or phone call).

July 23, 2011

This here, is mark’s a new stage in my theoretical journey; not just another breakthrough, but the end of it.  I feel that the circle was closed as I made the connection between Truth and Happiness.  I now realize that it is not necessary to torment myself with confusion in order to seek the light; I have said this many times before but solving this concept of happiness gave me an element that I was missing with every other concept.  I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I know it’s here.

                I am not enlightened yet, but I now have a foundation with a direction.  Now that I have established my doctrine I just need practice.

               

                Next subject that I am inquiring about is the use of amulets: the all knowing kitty, the ring of light, sacred postures, the air of awakening, the ethereal sensation, or even just my own body.

July 21, 2011

Giving in to temptation is like scratching the scab off of an unhealed wound, it does not allow one to completely heal from their experience and only reflects their tendency to avoid healing.  Complete healing would be for one to understand that their desire is harmless.

                The reason why I think that Truth and Happiness are ultimately the same thing is because as I mentioned before: the contradictive mentality is what causes uneasiness, that feeling of incompleteness, of lacking, that deludes one to think that perfection is absent unless a goal is achieved, that compels one to question whether existence really is, or may be it not.  Truth is what straightens it out; and even though the scheme of the principle is convoluted, its shape is sure.  Happiness is seeing things as they are, happiness is leveling out the bumps on the road, it is untying the knots in the string of consciousness, it is unfolding the crane and beholding the creature as just another facet of Nature.  If you are ever lured by happiness, you have already lost it; whenever you believe that you have not quite yet reached the Truth, then you have once more missed the point that Truth cannot be lost and is present HERE.  This is what I meant by being “rigorous in being satisfied”; to not let a moment pass by without you being happy; because once you allow dissatisfaction to make a suggestion, it will lure you to the greatest depths of the abyss by making you think it’s the way out; the more you keep running, the more desperate you will get.

                Be rigorous in being happy, this means focus on your breathing and do not be veered off by temptation.

                Question: If an action is inspired by temptation, must not one seek to counteract the response to temptation? is it not wrong to proceed in it?

                Answer: If an action is inspired by temptation, one must halt temptation by maintaining focus and satisfaction; it is not wrong to proceed in the action, it is wrong to be lured to an opposite action by temptation again.

                Question: If an action is inspired by temptation, how must I not regret what I have done?

                Answer: Regret is the deeper part of the dark abyss I just mentioned, to allow regret to form is to succumb to temptation to the point that you can no longer even reach satisfaction animalistically (unless of course, you can find a way to erase your memory, or undo the past).

                Something interesting that I noticed and  I think may be essential to note, is the possibility that I do not need to know these things I am writing down to find happiness, but by the principle of “fooling yourself to look for reasons to be happy”, you learn these things that I am writing down by practicing happiness.  In other words, you do not need to know these things to be happy, but it is being happy that gives you access to these truths.  The important message here is to not be fooled by temptation when it tells you that you need to walk back out of the abyss (or do not be discouraged because “you do not have the knowledge you need to be happy”), you just have to stop walking into it (or you just have to grasp satisfaction), and the light will certainly reach you (you will have gained the knowledge of it).

               

July 20, 2011

It is 3:12 in the morning, I have not been able to sleep due to agonizing emotions and thoughts.  I have been in hell for hours. Here is something that worked: next time you think of how much pain you are going through, realize that all of this must be easy stuff if you want to be a worthy man of God, and if you want to earn the name a true child of Reality.

Fooling yourself into looking for a reason to be happy:

In thinking about how anyone could be happy in a state in which the economy is miserable, I knew in the back of my head that it was certainly possible to be happy.  I imagined a respected version of myself with a smile on my face and a persistent glorious attitude.  Then I noticed that I begin to think of reasons why I would be so happy, and the answers flowed in: because I am alive, because even though I cannot find a job, I still have a roof over my head and clothes in stock, food to eat, and too much free time (even though I spend it worrying about getting a job). 

Noticing the processes of my mind, I realized that if I just imagine a possibility, my mind will do its best to make sense of it (if I believe it is sensical to begin with).  And so I realized that by imagining a state in which I am happy, I can “fool” my mind to come up with reasons why I am happy.  Once I find reasons to be happy, it is like realizing that I was happy after all.

                With this in mind, it seems that real life is a lot like a dream in the sense that the things that happen, do so because of the feeling in your actual body.  By it, I also say that “thoughts are the shadows of feelings” (quote used by Alkaline Trio, coined by Nietzsche) and not the other way around.  So that thoughts are inspired by the feelings we have even the thoughts are noted to come before the feeling and the feeling is even understood as being caused by a perception.  This switch in causality is explained by the difference in seeing cheating wife trying to make the most of her life, and a cheating wife being inconsiderate and evil.  One may say that the reason he feels angry is because he saw his wife abuse his trust, but in fact, it is the case that the reason he saw his wife abuse his trust is because it was anticipated by his anger… or else, if the event was anticipated by his compassion, he would have seen his wife taking desperate measures to seek her long lost happiness in life, or to get his attention or something like that.

Forget what people tell you about what the world is like, listen to the world itself.

If you have a goal, you have a reason to put up with stuff; let your goal be to be able to put up with stuff.

                What is the correct way to ensure your happiness?  As long as you know how to remain happy in the present, you will always be happy; in this way, you need nothing to ensure happiness in the future.  Knowing this, I still do not try to be happy.  It would be easier to begin practicing this if I knew that happiness is important, but I am not sure of this.  I would not choose Happiness if it meant giving up Truth.  But I am pretty sure they will turn out to be one and the same; what is the connection between Truth and Happiness? And how can I make sure I do not get lured by ignorant bliss?  I will not seek to secure my happiness until I make sure it will not interfere with my search for Truth.

                I believe that Happiness and Truth are the same thing, but I am cautious of ignorant bliss, I want to make sure that I do not become satisfied with mundane happiness.

                It is so freaking stressful to hold this principle: I do not allow myself to smile, I do not allow myself to any kind of pleasure once I identify it, I deliberately bore myself insane, I do not look for easy solutions for things, I keep myself in the dark when a simple question will get me the a very satisfying answer; all because I know that as I feel happy, it will not be long until I regret allowing myself the luxury of having an answer.  I would have just post-poned the inevitable suffering that my identity necessitates.  I need to let go of this identity, and this may very well involve to let go of what I consider Truth to be.

                Do not underestimate the power of the gods… they’re greatness, though incomplete, is enough to make a mortal think they are whole.  Of these gods, there are many.