August 31, 2010

Goal: to be able to behold as much as possible (what am I saying as much as possible, I mean ALL). 

Distractions: mean that you cannot behold more than one thing at a time, since to be distracted there must be something that you are being distracted from, and therefore something you are not beholding.

Sinful desire, uneasiness, are symptoms of being distracted from a certain truth (one that you are not beholding).

Exercise: is not to give in to distractions; if anything, this ever-shortens the time span between behelds, but behold something for as long as possible.  Now I know how this exercise improves our length of beholding (in terms of time), but how does it improve the beholding?

One can realize that even the smallest point that can be beheld has infinity in itself (how can I use this fact?),

So what is it that I want to see? What is my end?

I want to see everything how it REALLY is, outside of my emotional picture.  But what is it really?  Remember that even if one looks outside their emotional picture their emotions are still in the picture… an outside perspective.

Very important observation I made that day on the way to the library.  That when I took my eyes off of the outside of the cage, I saw how open the inside was

So if I am supposed to enhance reality with my imaginations rather than weaken it… whats all this poppycock about focusing on your breathing? The breathin is ignoring everything else? Because other objects have power to distract? So just like the lift of a finger can make you forget about your breathing, make sure that breathing is not ignored, or that you aren’t distracted from it for the sake of another “reality”.

Notice: thoughts and reflection must only be excluded because they distract you from reality.

So how does one begin to grow their focus? By loving what you see?

Snapping out into the real, when does one begin to realize truths? 

What I remember from the first experience is that I had to give stuff up.  One has to be willing to give up EVERYTHING in order to get here.  But I find myself ready to give up everything but yet, nothing happens.  What am I supposed to get? What am I expecting?  What am I giving up everything for?  Well whatever it is, I would have to give that up as well…

(this explains the unjustified existence method).

This is all leading to the principles I began with, I have already been through this; new plot, no doubt about that… but same setup.  But “new plot/same setup” says that the plot may be the same after all.

All these thoughts and impressions I think that the newness is only that they are becoming more real.  The goal may be to insert them in the present, but since the present may be just another form of vanity (I agree) my end goal may be to center and behold them all in my soul?  But where is this “soul” and how do I get access to it.   (fuck, I feel like I am going in circles).

I have written all of this before, I feel like I am going back to it, only in another level.

Negativity happens in oneself, when they are not able to see how something fits in with the rest of the plan.  How do you see this? Well you have to see it… and the plan… to go there by adjusting my perspective in such a way.  And this adjustment must be done instantly easily and continuously, so that it is not even an adjustment, it’s just there.  Then will I manage to see the world with perfect balance.  Now the only problem is that I don’t know how the hell I will accomplish any of this.

August 27, 2010

I think I know what I am supposed to feel.  I have pseudo memories of what I went through before my “Jimmy” stage in highschool.  The spirit that I have forgotten.  I remember having faith in being able to come back to sanity after visiting extreme fantasies; it was suppose to be simple.  The answer was everywhere, all I needed to do was to look at what is real.  Now as I am trying to go to sleep, I quite my mind and I feel what is real, I can see the difference between the loud and spasmic concerns in my imagination and the serenity of the real world; well, I bet it’s only serene because everyone is asleep.  But the difference is there: the amazing miracle of Life vs. the traumas of everyday lives.  I don’t think I had a complete spirit in high school, but it was more living than I am now; it knew SOMETHING!

And so it could really be this, that all the answers lie in the present, in the real, and this is why is so simple to obtain them, and why we should not worry about having access to them, because they are always here.

I feel it, like I have written before: my emotions, everything I feel, everything that happens, it does not mean anything, nothing suggests an action to be taken on your part, it just is.  But how does one get rid of the interpretations? How does one get rid of the connections? Quite your mind and focus on what is REALLY happening.  It’s all coming down to this, this silence of mind, to focus on the real world while everyone else lives in an inconvenient fantasy.  I don’t really know if this is really the way out of this world; but I am sure that, at least for now, I have faith in it.

August 26, 2010

I have not written in a long time due to something I do not think I have addressed, something to do with the fact that for every new thing I discover, everything else becomes obsolete.  All the laws I gave were only a product of aa greater method.  I must look for the source of these laws.  If one finds something that they love, it is more reasonable to look for the source of goodness, rather than to confine himself to that one product of what they think is good.  Therefore I counted everything I thought about as meaningless, because what I was really interested in was the source, not all this beautiful poetry that seems to give meaning to my life.

Now I have the motivation to write again, but only for myself, only so that I can remember; not like I ever look back at my writings, but I just had that inclination (have I written this before?).

I have begun a couple of experiments to test out the things that have fallen into my path that have lead me to where I am, I want to find the essential element in these objects that lead someone to their eternal destination.

Wordless? Is that what I am looking for, whenever I think, it is not in terms of real, but in terms of my naming, my words. 

Having concerns is unreasonable, therefore whenever I have a concern it is reasonable to ignore it.  Plainly put, whenever the movement of mind is due to concern it is unreasonable; therefore I must keep my mind silent, in one spot, and it is supposed to grow somehow because of this.

That is all I have for now, I have seemed to have forgotten the very thing that made me decide to start writing again.  No, it’s not on here; yea, I know, it sucks, but how do you think I feel?

I came up with a simple goal today, just practice feeling good, it makes sense to do it, though I wouldn’t know how to go about it.  Im sure it can be pretty simple, but I am not yet sure if it is even the riight thing to do.