I think I am starting to get back the spirit I had lost 4 years ago. Why did I lose it? Was it because of my ex? Why? Its like a curse I had from doing witchcraft (which is how I got my ex to be my girlfriend) is it over now? No this spirit left me because something was left unaccomplished, something that my spirit wasnt able to live with, so it left me; something it felt that it had to solve, but it couldnt, or I gave up on it, so it left me. Whatever it was, the spirit left, and that says something about the spirit; its not invincible, it cant stand being around things it cannot change, it cannot handle being wrong, it cannot handle the seeming injustices of Life, therefore it is definite... But its still pretty useful. If I want this spirit back, I must continue where it left off, and I must fix the problem that it couldnt just ignore. The choice was to give the matter some time, so my spirit left, it became dormant for years, it waited by leaving me, because it couldnt stand being here and not doing anything about the situation. But now, it has awaken within me, and it wants to fix what “needed” time (huh, I dont believe it anymore). Strange the emotions, nostalgic, the spirit reminds me of the past I had, who I was, what I believed; I am back. This spirit that left its mark in my life, I have been following its laws in auto-pilot, but it wasnt me; I practiced what I learned from it, but I only knew the rules by repetition, not by reflection or deep consideration. Now I am awake, and I will go back and do some deeds!
Spirit: It was something I left out of place something unagreeable with my world.
Explains the heartbreak after I broke up with her
So what is the ultimate problem? What caused the problem that frightened my spirit away? Why would such a situation cause it to leave? What was in the situation? What did it mean for the spirit? My problem is that the people I slutted around with, in the end, turned out to be these people that close-mindedly give up their will to their partner, or, in other words, consumer culture. But why would I regret doing something like this? Why would I regret going out with someone when my morality says to help out those in need of intimacy? Am I saying that I will accept those who need intimacy only if they are not from this culture? This cannot be the case, it would make your consideration, your love for humanity conditional.
A1 -So if this is the case, you are still set out to learn this one thing, to accept even those in the consumer culture.
But it IS true that I would offer my help to anybody that needs it, I am making no exception, the problem I have is that I am giving my help to those that DONT need it. They are not interested in my intimacy. They may think they need it but they really dont, so this is why I feel guilty.
-and you would not go out with someone that thinks they want your intimacy?
-well I would, but only to show them that they dont really want it. This is where I failed.
-So what if you did convince them that they did not really love you and that their desire for you was only superficial.
- If I did end up convincing them then I would have accepted carrying along with it, as long as we knew those terms.
- so your sin was not that you carried along with shallow careless intimacy
*January 1, 2010 (When people are “in love” they feel it, they feel that they are able to cope with everything that the world may bring them. But their love is conditional, those that “think” they need my intimacy are everyone who considers themselves in need of my intimacy and do not Love Unconditionally; because they can end up hating me for one reason or another, all I have to do is find their fears, that they are not willing to give up for me. But if its all for me, then they may fear losing me. So no matter who is interested, I would be able to show them that they are really not. My ideal partner would be one who, by themselves looked forward to getting rid of their rejectful nature, for the sake of itself, not for me, but for Life itself, for God. This would be that they are actually attempting to Love unconditionally, this would mean that they are honestly interesed, in accepting me wholly, it would mean that they actually want my intimacy; one can only Love another, if they Love God.
A2 -my sin was that I did not admit, realize, recognize, I did not acknowledge the fact that what I was carrying out was shallow careless intimacy. And so I failed to acknowledge and preach the truth about their love, now I am “not allowed” to talk to them, and I feel there is something missing, this is what I missed.
A1 & A2 are in process...
